• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

The calmer the parents are, the better the children will be

As a parent, it is difficult to calmly read the news on the Internet: \”Writing homework with your children will cause a heart attack\”, \”RMB 30,000 cannot afford a summer vacation\”, \”The election of the parent committee is comparable to the election of the CEO of the company\”… This is a situation that the whole country is anxious about. In this era, the most anxious people are parents. Nowadays, there are more and more Buddhist young people. They can do whatever they want and look down upon everything. But when they have children and become parents, it will be difficult to remain calm. That\’s the kind of mom I am. I used to despise those parents who sent their children to training classes every day, and I deeply despised their \”jumping the gun\” behavior. I think it is better to do less things that go against the nature of children and deprive children of their childhood by doing things at any age. When a child is young, he should be allowed to play happily. If he likes to step in puddles, let him step on them; if he likes to play with sand, let him play. In childhood, he should be allowed to be who he is. Therefore, I did not sign up for any training classes for my daughter before she went to school. It wasn\’t until my daughter entered elementary school that I realized that I was very different. My daughter had just started school and couldn\’t remember her homework. I borrowed other students\’ homework notebooks and saw that their handwriting was neat and tidy, while my daughter\’s \”drawings\” were crooked and twisted. I was struck by the huge difference. In the first grade, Pinyin is learned first, and the class goes very quickly. Other children have learned it early, but my daughter is the only one who is learning it now. In addition, she suddenly changed from carefree to disciplined, so she is extremely uncomfortable with it. Even though I tutor my daughter every night, she still falls behind in the exam. During the parent-teacher meeting, I looked at my daughter\’s miserable test paper, and then glanced at the perfect test papers in the hands of the parents around me. I lowered my head in shame and quickly closed my daughter\’s test paper. I could no longer calm down and suddenly began to wonder, had I done something wrong? Your anxiety is destroying your children. Every parent has a \”other people\’s child\” living in their heart. There is an enemy in every child\’s heart – someone else\’s child. This child is good-looking, obedient and docile, and ranks first in grade. He never plays games, chats on QQ, or goes shopping. He just studies every day. Nine subjects are learned simultaneously, and his mother really no longer has to worry about his studies. Since my daughter went to school, I have seen too many \”other people\’s children\”. Without comparison, there is no harm. When I compare, I start to feel anxious. Unknowingly, I started yelling at my daughter: How many times do I have to say it before you listen? Look at XXX, and then look at yourself! Can\’t you just be more attentive? I can’t even do such a simple question! What are you doing in class? Why cry? Can crying solve the problem? My anxiety leads to bad moods and I often criticize my daughter. Sometimes I told her a simple math problem several times and she still couldn\’t do it. I couldn\’t hold back the anger in my heart and scolded her loudly. She cried in grievance. I regretted it very much, but I will do it again next time. Over and over again, a vicious cycle. During that time, our family was having a terrible time. My anxiety was passed on to my child, who lost the smile on his face and began to hate going to school. I am not the only anxious parent. Some parents even worry about their children before they go to kindergarten. A three-year-old child lost his hair in patches and went to the hospital for examination and was diagnosed with alopecia areata. The doctor questioned the child\’s parents and discovered that the culprit was actually the child\’s mother.In order to let him go to a good kindergarten, he was enrolled in five training classes. Parents use high-dose, highly-added feed to encourage their children to grow up. The children rush to various training classes non-stop and are overwhelmed by the pressure. The current situation of education in China is that the bottom class has given up on education, the middle class is too anxious, and the top class is not taking the college entrance examination. Seeing that the competition is becoming more and more fierce, other people\’s children are all awesome, but their own children are so ordinary, middle-class parents have to worry. In order to prevent their children from losing at the starting line, more and more parents are joining the \”jumping the gun\” army. They are dragging and pulling their children to run forward desperately. Jumping ahead can at least reduce some anxiety. Winning in the present can finally give yourself some psychological comfort. But this exhausts the parents and hurts the children. The calmer the parents are, the better the children will be. My daughter became seriously ill. Looking at her thin face, I began to reflect on myself. Originally, my daughter started later than other classmates, so it was natural for her to lag behind. No matter how much I yell at her, she can\’t improve by one point, so why should we torture each other and cause extreme pain? Thinking back to when my daughter was just born, wasn’t all my first wish for her to live a healthy and happy life? Since when were more shackles placed on her? Putting her on the back of higher expectations? Since when did I start wanting her to be \”someone else\’s kid\” instead of who she is? After reflection, I began to adjust my mentality. On the one hand, I lowered my expectations for my daughter. On the other hand, I began to control my emotions. I tried my best to restrain myself and did not hit, scold or yell. Gradually, I found that I was less anxious, and my daughter was not so bad. She was improving day by day, and there were more and more smiles on her face. Parents are children\’s mirrors. The calmer the parents, the calmer the children will be. Bill Gates was admitted to Harvard Law School that year. However, Gates was not interested in any courses other than computers. When he was a sophomore, he announced to his parents that he would drop out of Harvard and \”go to sea.\” Gates\’ parents were very worried when they heard the news. In fact, like ordinary parents, they just wanted their children to get a college degree. But after thinking about it, the couple decided to respect their son and let him do what he wanted to do instead of living according to his parents\’ expectations. They supported their son, who promised them that he would return to Harvard \”later\” to complete his studies. Parents\’ calmness is the greatest support for their children. Later, Bill Gates founded Microsoft, turning a small and micro enterprise into the Microsoft empire. Thirty-two years later, in 2007, Harvard Law School awarded Bill Gates an honorary doctorate in law. Gates said to his father in the audience: \”Dad, I told you a long time ago that I will come back to get my degree!\” \”If it weren\’t for the calmness of the elder Gates and his wife, maybe there would be one more ordinary lawyer in the world, but one less giant who changed the world. Calm parents are better able to raise excellent children. Be calm parents and let your children be themselves. Today, there are fewer and fewer calm parents. We always envy other people\’s children, but are not satisfied with our own children; we always focus on children\’s mistakes, but rarely discover their advantages; we always use adult standards to demand children, but forget them I\’m just a kid; IThey always let their children aim to surpass others, but they fail to see their children\’s progress compared with themselves. Only parents with strong enough hearts can avoid being swayed by this utilitarian world and avoid being anxious about vanity and comparison. Be truly calm and calm, and let your children do what they like in their own time zone, unhurriedly and unhurriedly. Behind the calmness lies the overall pattern of parents, their understanding and trust in their children, and their best efforts to fight against this utilitarian society. Calmness is the special love parents have for their children. Every child is unique, let him find and discover by himself, live out himself, and grow into what he likes. You have to walk your own path. Even if you fall, you have to get up by yourself. This is true growth. The ups and downs of life must be tasted by oneself, this is the real life. Working hard and being a calm parent is a compulsory course for parents all over the world. Please believe in your children and believe in yourself. The child has his own life, let him go his own way.

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