• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

The child refuses to change despite repeated education? It\’s all the fault

Thinking back carefully, are there many people around us who like to say \”I\’m sorry\” often? There is no need to deny it, you must have met such a person before, and it is even possible that this person is you. We know that the most basic meaning of \”I\’m sorry\” is a common expression used when people do something wrong or feel ashamed of others. The premise of saying it is that you have made a mistake. However, now, \”I\’m sorry\” seems to have become a simple polite expression in social situations and one of people\’s mantras: \”I\’m sorry, let me borrow it.\” \”Sorry, I just lost my temper.\” \”Sorry, I won\’t do it next time.\” Got it.\” If you say \”I\’m sorry\” too many times, the meaning changes. Just like the Chinese greeting \”Have you eaten?\”, it does not mean \”If you haven\’t eaten, I\’ll treat you.\” And when you really need to take responsibility for some of your mistakes, can you pay for it with just \”I\’m sorry\”? After Lin Dan\’s cheating scandal broke out, Lin Dan remained silent for a short time before speaking out on Weibo, admitting his mistakes and saying that he was sorry for his family. Although his apology earned his wife Xie Xingfang\’s forgiveness, it did not make the public\’s accusations go away. The reason is very simple. Although the mirror that was broken by mistake has been glued with the universal glue \”I\’m sorry\”, at the same time, the mirror has The numerous cracks in the film reflect the twisted side of human nature. Lin Dan’s example seems serious and may not happen to everyone. However, in real life, there are numerous examples of similar nature: the subway station in the early morning is crowded with people, people traveling in a hurry, people waiting to transfer at the platform door There was an orderly queue, and a young man wearing headphones, saying sorry, pushed aside the queue, strode forward, crossed several queues, and then got on the elevator to exit the station. Someone in the queue he crossed cast an unpleasant look at him – he could obviously go around to the back of the queue, and although it would be a detour, he wouldn\’t disrupt the order of the queue by apologizing one by one… Coffee At the door of the hall, a young couple kept quarreling for some reason. The boy kept admitting his mistakes to the girl. The girl was indifferent to the boy\’s apology. In the end, the conflict became more intense. The girl cried in grievance, but the boy shouted to the girl impatiently: \”I\’ve already said I\’m sorry, what else do you want?\” – But he can clearly foresee the consequences of his mistakes before the other party gets angry and avoid quarrels… The above-mentioned people did one thing wrong If something happened, you would quickly say \”I\’m sorry\” to make up for it, but next time, the same mistake would still be made again and again. Apologizing is just a cover for them to cover up their mistakes and make themselves feel at ease. It seems that after saying sorry, they can completely shirk the blame. If you don\’t forgive, you are narrow-minded. Over time, this kind of sorry becomes cheap. What needs to be made clear is that verbal apology is secondary. Not doing anything to apologize to others in behavior is the real responsibility. When our understanding of things is not fully mature, all judgments about things come from the guidance of parents. How parents guide directly affects the formation of children\’s cognition, allowing children to recognize right and wrong while teaching them The correct way to deal with your own mistakes is far more practical than simply teaching him to say \”I\’m sorry\”. I remember when I was a student, I once tutored a nine-year-old boy, Xiao Lei. It is no exaggeration to say that this was the most troublesome child I have ever seen. At that time, Xiaolei was in the third grade of elementary school. Although he was smart, he didn\’t like to study. Whatever you taught him, he would go against your ideas. In order to attract him, I often take him to play some word games and learn while playing. But if he gets tired of playing word games, he will definitely cause trouble again. At first I taught him patiently, thinking that he was just naughty and didn\’t like to study like most children. But one day something happened that made me realize that this nine-year-old boy was no longer just naughty. So simple. That day, I took him to learn vocabulary as usual. After learning only a few words, he became annoyed and threw the notebook away and stopped learning. This time, he made even more exaggerated demands. He pointed at my mobile phone and said in a commanding tone: \”Do you have any games on your mobile phone? Play for me for a while!\” Of course I couldn\’t follow him, but there was no particularly good way at the time. I said to him: \” If you obediently learn today\’s content, I can let you play for a while.\” This time, he didn\’t do as I asked. What I didn\’t expect was that he actually reached out and snatched away the paper I put on the corner of the table. I subconsciously wanted to take my phone back, but when I was fighting for it, he actually threw my phone to the ground! I read it right, he didn’t miss it, he threw it on purpose! I hurriedly picked up the phone and saw a crack in the center of the screen, and an angry look began to appear on my face. Xiao Lei noticed my emotions and realized that he had done something wrong. Unexpectedly, he said with a smile: \”I\’m sorry, okay, who told you not to play with me!\” I was shocked by Xiao Lei\’s words. I was shocked. I didn’t expect that a nine-year-old child would be so calm about his mistakes. He even wanted to erase his responsibility with an apology. He also emphasized that it was because I didn’t let him play with his mobile phone. It seemed that this was the cause. A source of surprise. Xiaolei\’s mother, who was cooking in the kitchen, heard the sound and came over. After understanding the situation, she kept apologizing to me. She pulled Xiaolei and said angrily: \”How could you throw the teacher\’s phone? Tell the teacher you\’re sorry!\” I didn\’t have much social experience at that time, but I felt aggrieved by this child\’s behavior. After that day, I decided not to be his tutor anymore. Later, I began to think back. In the short two months of tutoring him, this child often said sorry when he made a mistake, and then continued to make other mistakes. However, Xiao Lei’s mother’s attitude towards solving problems It also made me understand the reason for Xiaolei\’s surly character. There is nothing wrong with teaching children to recognize their mistakes, but blindly telling them that if they make a mistake and say sorry will solve the problem, it is easy for children to think that just saying sorry can pay for my fault. Not only have children not developed a sense of right and wrong in things, they will not make the same mistake twice after each incident. On the contrary, they are likely to use sorry as a magic weapon to avoid being blamed after doing something wrong, even though they are always wrong every time. He admitted his mistake obediently, but refused to correct his mistakes despite repeated admonitions. The etiquette advocated in traditional Chinese culture has always been the standard for people to behave in the world. The Analects of Confucius contains Ji\’s chapterIt is said: \”If you don\’t learn etiquette, you can\’t stand up.\” It means that if a person neglects the study of etiquette, it will be difficult to stand up in society. It is true that if a person does things politely, he will add a lot of points to his own quality. It is undeniable that acknowledging mistakes and acknowledging them is also a part of etiquette. However, blindly cycling between making mistakes and acknowledging mistakes will not only make people unhappy due to small mistakes that persist despite repeated admonitions, but may also eventually lead to big mistakes that cannot be saved with \”I\’m sorry\”. In the process of cultivating children\’s etiquette in this area, we can also use the analogy of teaching children to fish rather than teaching them to fish. If you simply tell your children to be sorry for doing something wrong, why not guide them to analyze together, what went wrong? Why is it wrong? What is right again? What should I do if I make a mistake this time, and how can I avoid making the same mistake again? Finally, teach your children that sorry is never a shield to cover up your mistakes. Over time, what children gain is the ability to distinguish right from wrong, which is a valuable sense of responsibility. Parents are their children\’s best teachers. The correct guidance of parents is the key to developing a good personality in their children, and having a good family education is equivalent to letting their children enter a good school. Therefore, in this school, as long as every parent can guide their children correctly and cultivate their children\’s ability to distinguish right from wrong and actively deal with things, they can make their children become upright and responsible gentlemen, instead of becoming only \”sorry\” to express themselves. The person who deals with the consequences of his mistakes.

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