• Sun. Dec 3rd, 2023

The child won\’t listen to \”whatever you say\”? Because you failed to do these 5 points

At the weekend, my son said he wanted to go swimming again. I knew in my heart that he was used to bluffing, so he might not dare to go into the water. Unexpectedly, he was skinned quite happily this time. When I was trying to set up the swimming ring, I only refused him a few times and said, \”This is so itchy.\” After a few words of persuasion, he didn\’t object. What makes people laugh or cry is that when he got into the water and found that he couldn\’t step on the bottom, he immediately panicked and started struggling. He shouted, \”This is not fun, this is not fun,\” and his voice was trembling and rapid, as if he was about to cry in the next second. Everyone gathered around and persuaded him: \”Let mom hold your hand, so you won\’t be afraid, okay?\” \”The water is not deep at all, so there is no need to be afraid! I know you are the bravest! You are the big one.\” You are a man!\” \”Don\’t you want to swim anymore? If you don\’t want to swim, just leave! I won\’t take you to swim in the future!\”… The children have climbed up to the edge of the pool on their hands and knees, but the adults are trying to show more \” Coercion and inducement.” The noisy sound echoed in the small swimming pool and seemed extremely loud. \”Okay, don\’t say anything!\” I raised my voice, stared into the child\’s eyes, took his little hand, and asked him clearly: Do you think swimming is not fun or are you scared? He was still scratching his neck, \”I just don\’t think it\’s fun!\” I said, \”You like to play in the water when you take a bath. How about we sit and play in the water?\” He finally turned around and soaked his feet in the water. inside. I put my hand into the water and raised my arm to show him: The water only reached half of my mother’s arm, which is almost the same as your bathtub! Come down here? He stood on the steps hesitantly. I hugged him and said in a roundabout way: Then sit on the steps. You will get cold if you don’t soak in water. This time, he didn\’t hesitate much and prepared to sit down. Unexpectedly, with a \”pop\”, he accidentally slipped into the swimming pool. But he was surprisingly not frightened, so I snickered and didn\’t say a word, just let him try. I often hear people say, \”This kid just doesn\’t listen to anything good or bad.\” There are many times when I complain so weakly and irritably. In fact, what we call \”easy to say\” usually means: save food and don\’t waste it! Listen to your parents! Don\’t be afraid, be brave! What you are doing is wrong, you must be polite… and the so-called \”slander\” is: if you don\’t obey, your parents will not want you anymore! I\’ll count to three. If you don\’t eat well, I\’ll… die! I spent so much money on you, but you still don’t study hard, are you worthy of me? We always impose our own ideas on our children, what we think the child should be like, and rigidly ask him to do it. However, in the eyes of children, our \”easy words\” are all empty routines. When you feel that your child is turning a deaf ear to your sincere words and then becomes furious, maybe the child is confused by \”What is waste?\” and \”Why should we be brave?\” In the eyes of children, our \”bad words\” are threats and threats. Forcing is a sign that parents don’t love them! The child may be resistant and rebellious, or he may feel helpless and fearful, and be forced to do something he cannot or does not want to do. I remember watching the TV show \”Supernanny\” before. Joe Frost, who has 16 years of nanny experience, is the best at taking care of all kinds of naughty children. She has a principle in managing her children that impressed me deeply – selfcontrol. Adults must maintain a calm mood and not allow themselves to be irritated by children. The child loses his temper and roars, and the parents lose control of their emotions and get angry too. The child becomes more resistant, and a vicious cycle begins. And if parents maintain a calm mood and convey a firm and fair message, the children will gradually calm down. Then, both parties can express their ideas clearly and reach an agreement. Maintaining a calm mood is the prerequisite for good communication. My child is not calm when he shows fear of swimming. The adults around him were full of urgency and pressure towards his persuasion. The two parties cannot communicate effectively at all, and all persuasion is ineffective. Therefore, I acted decisively to keep the environment quiet and calm myself and my children down. As a result, we have good communication. Effective communication is an important bridge for parents and children to understand each other. Squatting down and talking to your children more is by no means just a formality. A good family education should have an in-depth understanding of children and respect for them. Just as there are no two identical leaves in the world, each child will have his or her own unique personality. Parents need to understand their children\’s personalities and teach them in accordance with their aptitude to achieve good results. So I talked to the child and carefully observed his expression. I understood that the child wanted to swim, but he was also a little scared. I also know that he is very strong. So, in order not to hurt his pride, I avoided the question of whether I was afraid. Pique his interest with the pleasure of bathing. At the same time, using your arms to measure the depth of the water tells him: you don’t need to be afraid. When he retreated again, he was guided in a roundabout way, allowing him to finally enter the water and begin to enjoy swimming. Before reaching the age of reason, the child cannot receive ideas, but only images. Your child won\’t understand your expectations of his behavior if you don\’t tell him. Don\’t reason with him or make things too complicated – just tell him the obvious. Observe the child carefully, show him things, tell them things, and guide the child with fun and actions. This is easier to accept than boring verbal preaching, endless talk, threats and inducements. Chen Heqin, the father of Chinese early childhood education, once said: Parents should educate their children based on \”following the guidance and good guidance\” and should not rely on force and threats. Although temptations and threats can make them obey, the happiness and unhappiness in a child\’s heart cannot be calculated by reason. When faced with a naughty child who refuses to listen to anyone, just do the following: keep a calm mind and communicate effectively. Squat down and talk to your child and really listen to your child. Give appropriate hugs and encouragement. Give up talking big and use simple language to clearly express your expectations. Use fun and action to guide children.

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