• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

The dangerous \”14-year-old boy-girl phenomenon\”! No matter how busy you are, you should read it twice!

According to a survey from a number of psychological consulting agencies, among the youth consultation cases they receive, 14-year-old children have the most prominent rebellious psychology. Some children no longer accept criticism from their parents humbly and begin to refute and contradict. The more they do something that their parents and teachers are not allowed to do, the more energetic they become and must \”confront\” their parents. This is what we often call the \”14-year-old phenomenon.\” The \”14-year-old\” phenomenon Some time ago, the media reported a shocking news: 14-year-old Xiao Xiao assassinated his father in an Internet cafe. The report stated that there was a question in Xiao Xiao’s homework book, “What would you do when your parents wrongly blame you?” He answered: Tolerance, communication, exchange. It can be believed that he is a kind-hearted person and hopes that he can communicate with his parents. But, as described in the news, when his father pulled him out of the Internet cafe and slapped him, he didn\’t say a word. Next, he took out a switchblade from his father… In this human tragedy of patricide, it is not difficult to notice that this boy happened to be 14 years old. Coincidentally, in a recent modern education lecture, Ran Naiyan, the guest speaker and vice president of the Beijing Youth Care Association, mentioned: When children reach the age of about 14 years old, many parents will find that the originally obedient and sensible children become more and more obedient. The more rebellious they are, their minds are sensitive and fragile, they are suspicious and unwilling to talk to their parents when things happen, and they may even have poor academic performance and bad behavioral habits… \”14 years old\” is a dangerous period. A study conducted by British scientists confirmed that teenagers are the most The age when fighting, rebellion, and bad learning are prone to occur is 14 years old. British researchers conducted a survey on male participants aged 9 to 35, and the subjects were asked to play computer games. By recording how satisfied or disappointed the participants were with the outcome of the game, the scientists analyzed each individual\’s emotional response. The results found that teenagers are more interested in risky behaviors that can make them feel excited, with 14-year-old teenagers being the most prominent. According to analysis by neuroscientists at University College London, \”Unlike children, adolescents are able to weigh the pros and cons of their own actions, but they are more concerned about whether these actions can bring them happiness and stimulation, rather than whether they are safe or not.\” Also Some junior middle school teachers have reported that the age around 14 years old is a \”dangerous period\” in growth, and children at this age are prone to psychological problems. Teacher Wang is a head teacher with more than ten years of junior high school teaching experience. She once wrote a paper on the education issues of students around 14 years old. Teacher Wang mentioned that students around 14 years old usually have the following six psychological characteristics: first, they feel \”grown up\” and have an increased awareness of self-expression; second, they are immature and talk wrong reasons; third, they are overconfident. Conceited mentality; fourth, weak will, poor adaptability, and psychological holes under pressure; fifth, abnormal emotions such as depression, decadence, numbness, and emotional indifference; sixth, irritability, revenge, irritability, and excitement-seeking, etc. Phenomenon. Teacher Wang gave an example: a boy named Zhang has excellent academic performance, but he often hurts others when getting along with his classmates and hits them at every turn. He learned many timesThe martial arts action in the film can injure others. When asked what he was thinking when he did these things, the boy\’s answer was an understatement: \”I have no conflicts with my classmates, I just want to vent.\” \”14 years old\” is the best shaping period. Although children around 14 years old appear This or that problem, but education expert Ran Naiyan emphasized in an interview with reporters: \”The age of 14 is a dangerous and rebellious period, and it is also the best shaping period.\” Writer Liu Qing said: Although the road to life is long, the key is often only A few steps, especially when one is young. Ran Naiyan believes that for children, the age around 14 years old is such a critical period, and parents must grasp this critical period of their children. In order to illustrate the critical importance of adolescence in children\’s growth, he cited the stories of several successful celebrities: Bridge expert Mao Yisheng was determined to build the strongest bridge after seeing the bridge collapse and kill people at the age of 14; Ai Yin, 14 years old Stan and his two companions talked about world news and scientific achievements. Later, all three of them became scientists. Ran Naiyan emphasized: \”Children around 14 years old are \’semi-mature\’. They are independent and mature, but they are limited in experience and age and cannot be independent, which creates the most difficult period for family education. At this stage, parents We must work hard to properly solve the problem and allow the children to develop smoothly.\” What should parents do? So, as parents, what guidance and support can we give our children? Regarding the family education of children of this age, the most difficult problems for parents to deal with are \”rebellion\” and \”disobedience\”. Many parents suffer from great psychological pressure because of their children\’s rebellion. They mainly have the following four manifestations: 1. Many parents will think that this rebellious child is used to torture themselves in this life. This is a typical victim mentality. 2. Faced with rebellious children, they feel powerless and have completely lost the ability to control their children; 3. The children have exhausted the parents, plunged them into despair, and at the same time lost confidence and enthusiasm for life; 4. Many parents feel very inferior , blaming themselves for their incompetence and failure in educating their children. Since these four mentalities are undesirable, what should parents pay attention to when dealing with their children\’s rebellious play issues? 1. Unconditionally accept and love children. Many times, children do not deliberately contradict their parents, but due to family education or physiological reasons during the growth period and the influence of the environment. Therefore, after parents understand these causes, the first thing to do is to accept them. And understand your children, stop blaming them; also know that the rebellious period is only a short period in a person\’s growth process, and it will pass soon; so parents can unconditionally accept and love their children, and help their children to overcome this period. Get over it as soon as possible, and your children will love and respect you more in the future. 2. Parents should understand themselves and change themselves. I hope parents can pay attention to this point, because many parents do not understand themselves during their growth process; they are even immature and cannot be rational and objective when encountering things. To solve the problem; some parents are even extremely emotional themselves and get angry before their children lose their temper. Then the parents’ irrational emotional state willIn the process of educating children, it is often the trigger for children to rebel, because the prerequisite for educating children is to have a peaceful mind. So I hope parents can change themselves and control their emotional state, so that your education will be effective. 3. Companionship is the best love. Another psychological characteristic of children in this period is that they are often in a chaotic and contradictory state of mind; although they feel that they have grown up, they want to deal with problems like an adult. and solve problems, but because they lack relevant experience; so many times they fail, and this failure combined with the typical chaotic ambivalence makes the child\’s mental state very painful at this time; if parents can take unconditional attitude at this moment Accompanying children with acceptance and love, children will feel the warmth of the family. This warmth will reduce children\’s rebellion a lot, so parents can give it a try. 4. Parents should leave some time for themselves. Parents care about their children, but they cannot become their children\’s nannies, pick them up from and to school, read to their children, and accompany them to read. Everything revolves around their children, making them dependent. Parents should take the initiative to find some time and space to put their children aside temporarily. This is not to ignore the children, but to create a better psychological environment for the children. Raising children does not mean that parents have to give up their individual needs and communication as a couple. Use this free time to communicate more between husband and wife. The harmonious relationship between husband and wife is crucial to the stability of the family. In many families, it is precisely because of the discord between husband and wife that they quarrel all day long or even get divorced, which causes great harm to the children. The image and status of the parents are greatly reduced in the children\’s minds. This should be avoided. In addition, parents need this free time to do something they like, stay away from tedious housework and work, adjust their mood, and relax their nervous nerves. Have a sense of humor and don\’t regret your mistakes. Believe that you are a good parent. Only by being good at work and rest can you be better at raising children.

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