I heard a very profound story: a boy was very disobedient and rebellious, which made his parents heartbroken. In desperation, the mother took her son to seek help from Master Hsing Yun. After hearing their intention, Master Xingyun asked: \”Have you photocopied the documents?\” Mom replied: \”Photocopied.\” Master Xingyun asked again: \”If there are typos on the photocopy, do you choose to change the photocopy or the original? ?\” The mother immediately replied: \”Of course I am correcting the original manuscript.\” Master Xingyun explained: \”That\’s right, children\’s questions are all \’photocopied\’ from their parents.\” In other words, on the road of education, if you want to cultivate To give birth to outstanding children, parents must first learn to find the reasons from themselves. In real life, the most common problem is: the more you talk, the more the child rejects it; you try hard to teach, but all you get is incomprehension; you try your best to talk, but push the child further and further away. The root cause is precisely this: parents preach too much, lose their sense of proportion in their words, and ultimately stand on the opposite side of their children. Blindly \”reasoning\” is the biggest danger in the education process. The fastest way to destroy a child is to keep talking about him. Psychologist Marshall once mentioned a point of view: \”When language tends to ignore people\’s feelings and needs, leading to alienation and harm to each other, this method of communication will make it difficult for people to realize the love in their hearts.\” How many parents, in education As a child, I only focused on venting my emotions and didn\’t notice the sharp edge hidden in language. How many families, in the day after day nagging, have worn away the relationship between parents and children, pushing the children step by step into the abyss. Speaking of this, I can\’t help but think of the sad story \”Moli\’s Last Day\”: 16-year-old high school student Lin Moli is a good student with both good character and academic performance in the eyes of everyone, and is what other parents talk about as \”other people\’s children.\” \”. But what no one expected was that one night, Jasmine suddenly jumped from the balcony and ended her life. After Jasmine passed away, her mother was puzzled and couldn\’t figure out why her daughter would do this. It wasn\’t until she read Jasmine\’s memories through technology that she learned the truth. It turned out that Jasmine had already suffered from depression due to her mother\’s long-term harsh criticism and the pressure of schoolwork, but she could only endure it silently. Because in her heart, her mother never paid attention to her feelings, only caring about her grades. When Jasmine did well in the exam, she thought she would be praised by her mother, but all she heard was: \”Don\’t be too proud. If I hadn\’t been watching like this, do you think you could have ranked first in the exam…\” When Jasmine retreated a little Sometimes, her mother would look at her with disappointment: \”Mistakes and carelessness are no excuses. I only ask for one thing, which is to take good care of your grades…\” She had a conflict with her classmates and wanted to seek her mother\’s comfort. The only thing that can be said is: \”Cry? Are you embarrassed to cry?\” As long as something goes wrong, her mother will be furious at Jasmine: \”I am also a master\’s degree student in the United States. If I hadn\’t given birth to you, I would be a professor now. Why do I Leave the professor alone, and I will suffer your anger here…\” In my mother\’s opinion, there is nothing wrong with her educational philosophy. She can speak for herself.The \”big principles\” we live by are all for the purpose of making children outstanding. She often imparts her experience to her friends: \”Raising a child is an investment. A child can only be successful if he can read well.\” But she ignores the pain and despair in her daughter\’s heart, and the recognition and love that her daughter longs for. In every day-to-day relationship between mother and daughter, those cold exchanges were like a needle, pricking Jasmine\’s nerves again and again, eventually making her lose hope. Educator Rousseau said: \”The most useless education method in the world is to lose your temper, reason and be moved by yourself.\” But there are too many parents in the world who only understand the meaning behind this sentence after they have lost their parents. If in the process of getting along with children, the above three points are replaced by \”sincerity and friendliness, reasonable guidance, and understanding of children\”, perhaps the ending of many families will be very different. People who hear too many truths will develop a rebellious mentality. This is true for adults and children too. What\’s more, many times, when parents talk to their children, they are often used to express emotions and test with irritating language, which will eventually break the children\’s psychological defenses. As the saying goes: \”If parents love their children, they have far-reaching plans.\” For good family education, parents should first learn how to communicate with their children, stop excessive preaching, and shorten the distance between each other. This is the best way to protect their children. A must-read parenting book for parents recommends Calvert\’s Complete Education Book Collector\’s Edition pdf. Whether a child is successful or not has a lot to do with the mother\’s way of speaking. When the writer Mo Yan delivered his acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize in Literature, he talked about his mother. In his memory, his mother has always been a gentle and kind person, and she always speaks calmly. When Mo Yan was young, he was often teased by his peers for his ugly appearance, and some even beat him for it. At this time, he would run home crying, and his mother would tell him when she saw this: \”Son, you are not ugly. You have neither a nose nor an eye, and your limbs are sound. Where is the ugliness? As long as you are kind-hearted and do more Good things, even ugly things, can become beautiful.\” Later, when he faced the same problem, he could always think of his mother\’s words and deal with everything calmly. One year, he carried the only thermos bottle in his family to the public canteen to fetch water, and accidentally broke the bottle. He thought he would be beaten and scolded by his mother, so he hid in a haystack and did not dare to go home for a day. In the evening, his mother couldn\’t wait for him to go back, so she came out to look for him. After learning about this, not only did she not beat or scold him, she even touched his head. Because of his mother\’s patient teaching and gentle communication style, Mo Yan became brave and confident, which led to his later literary achievements. Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, has a saying that is right: \”The meaning of mother is influence.\” If the mother speaks with a gentle attitude, the child will grow into a person who is pleasant to others and well-educated in life. If the mother blames less when things happen, the child will grow up to be a person who is not emotional in doing things and knows how to treat others with respect. If the mother does not nag on weekdays, the child will grow into a person who has his own rhythm and is organized in life. Life is long, and the true truth cannot be explained in words. Speaking too much criticism will only damage the child\’s self-confidence and fail to make him realize the root of the problem. Saying too many hurtful words will only consume the feelings of the mother and child, and will not make the child understand how people are.How to survive. I can’t help but think of the mother who sent all three sons to Stanford: Chen Meiling. When sharing her educational philosophy, she once said that three things are particularly important on the road to education: First, do not beat or scold your children. Second, don’t lie to your children. Third, don’t make choices for your children. If you think about it carefully, these three things have one thing in common: the correct way of communication is an indispensable part of education. If you always communicate with your children in a dissatisfied or scolding tone, you will often raise a rebellious and indifferent child. Only by learning to communicate with a calm attitude, an equal tone, and an appropriate scale can we raise an excellent and grateful child. Never, with a knife, destroy the most precious beauty and the happiness of a family. No matter how good an education is, it is not as good as a great mother. One day in 1968, psychologist Rosenthal came to an elementary school to conduct an experiment. He selected three classes from grades one to six and conducted a \”future development trend test\” on students in these classes. Subsequently, Rosenthal wrote down a list of \”the most promising candidates\” and gave it to the principal and teachers, and told them to keep it confidential so as not to affect the accuracy of the experiment. But in fact, the students on the list were randomly selected. Eight months later, when Rosenthal tested the students on the list again, a miracle occurred: all the students on the list had greatly improved their scores, and had cheerful personalities, strong self-confidence, and a thirst for knowledge. exuberant. The reason behind this is that the teacher was prompted by the list, and his attitude, expression, consideration, and praise towards these students were much better than before, giving the children more encouragement and higher expectations. After the experiment, Rosenthal said: \”Every child may become an extraordinary genius, but the realization of this possibility depends on whether parents and teachers can love, expect, and cherish these children like geniuses.\” That is, Say, what kind of person you want your child to become depends on what kind of environment you want your child to grow up in. Whichever path you want your child to take, you must guide him in the right way. Instead of just instilling \”big principles\”, they always accuse the children of being useless. Smart mothers know how to do these five things when raising their children: 1. More encouragement and praise, less blame and denial. A kind word warms you for three winters, but a bad word hurts you for six months. A hurtful accusation will cause irreparable psychological damage to the child, making the child sink deeper and deeper into negative emotions. A sincere compliment can give children enough confidence to face life positively and optimistically, and they can also be enthusiastic about learning. 2. Be good at listening to children’s “inner thoughts” and give them enough trust. Communication is divided into two parts: reasonable expression and patient listening. Finding an appropriate time to listen to your child\’s inner voice and encourage him to express his worries and needs can help him solve the problems he encounters while growing up more quickly. If children have a \”desire to share\” with their parents, family education is half successful. 3. Stabilize your emotions and magnify your pattern. There is a profound saying: barbarism produces barbarism, and benevolence produces benevolence. This is the truth. The parents are in a stable mood and the family is filled with laughterSpeech is louder than quarrels and curses, and children will naturally be physically and mentally healthy and grow up happily. If parents have a big picture and don\’t get hung up on trivial matters, their children will naturally be able to broaden their horizons and see a bigger and farther world. 4. Suffer when you should and teach your children to be independent. Many mothers are afraid that their children will be injured, so they pave the way for their children in advance and help them make choices. Over time, when he encounters a problem, he is unable to solve it on his own and will only ask others for help, ruining his life. Children at every age should be trained to have corresponding living and learning abilities so that they can become a truly independent person. 5. Teach by words and deeds and become a role model for your children. Educator Jing Shenda said: \”The words and deeds of parents are the best teaching materials for their children. First-class parents create first-class children.\” A truly powerful mother can accompany her children to grow up, correct their own shortcomings, and become a mirror for their children. Teaching by words and deeds is the best teaching material for children. Raising children is a spiritual practice. A great mother is a bright light in a child’s life. Soong Ching Ling once said: \”Children\’s character and talents are, in the final analysis, most deeply influenced by their families, parents, especially mothers. When children grow up, society becomes an environment for training them. Schools also play an important role in the development of young people. role. However, it is the family that leaves an indelible mark on a person.\” On the road to education, the last person who should not be lazy is the parents. Don’t always think about replacing everything with “reasoning”. Instead of preaching too much, it is better to lead by example and use yourself to influence and guide children. Like it, I hope all parents can understand: good education should be about walking side by side with your children, never forgetting to grow, and meeting better selves together.