• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

The most taboo thing parents say to their children is…


Oct 1, 2023

People often say: When adults get along, the most taboo thing is to speak unabashedly and make unreasonable judgments. Unfortunately, when adults get along with children, their words become casual and harsh, and these sounds often turn into hints. Hints always have a certain guiding role. Generally speaking, the younger the child is, the higher the degree to which the child will be affected by psychological suggestions. Positive hints can benefit children, but negative hints can only cause harm to children. Although parents never mean to harm their children, they still inadvertently instill those negative hints into their children during their upbringing, which become the devil\’s voice throughout their lives. Many problems in children are sometimes constantly hinted and reinforced by their parents. In particular, parents need to be wary of the following three common cues. How to get rid of children\’s problem of dawdling? Chen Mo says goodbye to procrastination in writing homework efficiently. Hint 1: Because of worry, he often emphasizes negative results to his children. People say: \”Worry is a curse.\” If you use the \”Law of Attraction\” to explain this sentence, it means that when parents If your child is full of negative thoughts, and you are worried that your child will get into trouble, suffer a loss, or get hurt, then it is very likely that your child will have bad things happen one after another as you worry. On the contrary, when parents have full faith in their children and bless their children, the children\’s behavior will also tend to be positive and positive. Parents often have a lot of worries about their children. For example, will their children cry when they go to kindergarten? Will the children take care of themselves when they leave home? Will you buy dirty things to eat on the way after school? Even in front of our children, we can\’t help but give them some \”kind\” reminders: \”Hold the cup securely, don\’t spill it again like last time!\” \”Be careful, don\’t get it on your clothes.\” .\” \”Look, you can\’t even do this little thing well.\” \”Forget it, let me help you.\” However, the more parents remind them like this, the more nervous their children will be, and the final result will be as expected. That way. Because this kind of worry-filled language is a hint to the child: You may incur bad consequences. Subtly affect children\’s understanding of themselves. Some adults will exaggerate the child\’s pain. I have seen some parents ask nervously when their children fell down: \”My little baby is so pitiful. It\’s all because of the floor. Doesn\’t it hurt? The child could have gotten up, patted the soil, and continued playing.\” But under the hint of excessive attention from adults, he instead became squeamish, groaning and unhappy. Could it be that this kind of fragility and squeamishness was not imagined by adults? I remembered a philosopher who said: \”A person has been affected by Wherever his education leads him, it will determine where he goes later. \”Parents should always raise their children with love and trust. Seeing this, some parents will say: \”Can\’t we remind our children to pay attention? \”In fact, remind your children that you don\’t always have to express your concerns to your children. You might as well use more positive language: \”Slow down when holding the cup. “The road is full of potholes, let’s slow down. \”Positive language often comes with clear guidance, which is much better than emphasizing negative consequences to children. Hint 2: Labeling and exaggerating a certain temperament in children. Children basically learn about themselves from their parents\’ words and deeds.What kind of person you are and what kind of person you can become in the future. When some children make mistakes, their parents love to label them with various labels: introverted, timid, stupid, bad-tempered, boring, etc. To put it bluntly, these labels are generalizing from a partial point of view. It is hinting to the child: You are such a person by nature and there is no way to save it. A mother once complained that her son was quite domineering and stubborn for a while when he was a child, and he was not as sweet-talking as other children. His grandmother often said that he had a \”bad personality\”, and sometimes even said it reluctantly in front of guests. After a few times, my son not only became more silent, but also became more and more stubborn and unwilling to listen to advice. How much impact does this personality label have on children? When we only criticize a child\’s behavior, the purpose is to make him reduce such \”behavior\”, such as the little boy above, we can guide the child to share and cultivate his empathy. And when we say that a child has a character problem, it means that no matter what he does in the future, it will be useless. There is an essential difference between the two. When a child has a problem, what the child needs more than a final conclusion is your love and help. I have a friend who is doing very well. He himself is a relatively introverted adult. He has been deeply affected by the label of \”too introverted and unpromising\” since he was a child. His 6-year-old son may also follow him and is not as lively as other children. , especially hiding behind mom and dad when seeing people. He did not force his children to say hello like other parents. Instead, based on his own experience, he taught his children other ways to say hello, such as smiling, nodding, and waving. He also bought some children\’s social picture books for his children. At first, when the child meets a stranger, he still hides behind him. He will come to the child\’s rescue and say: \”This is the first time for the child to come here and it takes time to adapt.\” \”Sometimes, he will pat the child\’s head and introduce the person to the child. Although the child does not call the person, he will smile shyly. After the person leaves, the friend will encourage the child: This time the performance is much better than last time. After many times of positive hints, the children are now gradually less timid when facing strangers, and sometimes even take the initiative to call uncle and aunt. There is a sentence in Sylvia Loken\’s \”Personality Jigsaw\”: \”You Your character shapes you, but doesn\’t lock you in. \”As parents, we should not \”lock\” children with personality labels. No matter what the child\’s early personality and temperament are, as long as they are guided correctly, children can adapt to their own characteristics and develop their potential. Hint 3: For children There is a true story about ability limitation: A father firmly believed: “Boys are more suitable to study science than girls. \”When I was in elementary school, every time I failed in the math test, my father would say, \”Girls just have poor thinking skills in science.\” \”Under the influence of her father, her daughter gradually became less motivated to study science. After entering high school, her partiality became more and more serious. Once, the girl said this to her high school teacher: \”Girls can\’t learn science well. The head teacher was very surprised after hearing this: \”Who told you?\” The physiological difference in whether you can learn science well or not has little impact. I have been teaching for so many years, and there are many girls who can learn well! \”It was only then that the child realized that for so many years, she had been allowed to \”not learn science well\”, and her fatherI have been hinting to myself: \”As a girl, you can only do this.\” I easily gave up my efforts in science studies in the lower grades. There are many such overly arbitrary evaluations of children\’s abilities in life. For example, some mothers often complain that their children stay at home, do not like to move, and have very poor physical strength. When their children attend physical education classes, they cannot even perform some simple movements. Be willing to do it seriously; some children are often accused of not being able to speak, and it is difficult for them to muster the courage when they need to speak on stage; some children have been told by their parents that they are weak since they were young, and they often use this as an excuse after they go to school. Refuse to participate in any activities… When the adults around you always say to your children: \”You can\’t learn well\” or \”You can\’t do it\”, the children will unconsciously receive this message and think that they can only reach the current level. . Our various evaluations of children are eventually internalized into the child\’s self-evaluation, limiting him to these rules and regulations. Self-imposed limitations have become the biggest obstacle to children\’s growth, and they continue to doubt and deny themselves. Speech master Wayne Delchang once said: \”Our abilities are limited, which is definitely a big lie. The only thing that can limit us is belief in the existence of limits.\” The height of psychology will always affect the height of behavior. Avoid setting limits on your child\’s abilities. He will be better than you think. Click \”Like\” at the end of the article, I hope you and I both have the wisdom to speak well.

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