• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

The mothers who hurt their children the most like to say these 10 things

Many parents don\’t realize that sometimes a casual joke from an adult can deeply hurt their children. The power of parents\’ words is very powerful. It can make or break a child. Every child\’s future is hidden in the mouths of their parents. Download the American classic movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in ultra-clear 1080P . Never say these 10 sentences to your children – \”If you don\’t obey again, your mother will not want you.\” This is actually telling your children that mother\’s love is There are conditions, that is – \”listen to mother\’s words\”. In order to get love, children will \”obey\”, deliberately please, and suppress their true emotions. The book \”Unconditional Parenting\” once called this kind of education \”withdrawal of love\” – ​​this temporary emotional abandonment is not corporal punishment, but a punishment that is colder than corporal punishment. On the one hand, it will cause children to lose their sense of dependence and security on their parents. When children make mistakes, they will be afraid of losing their mother\’s love and worry about gains and losses. On the other hand, children will find that the results their parents say will not come true, and it is impossible for parents to really not want their children. The prestige that parents gain from threats will slowly disappear. \”I\’m doing it all for you\” When parents say \”I\’m doing it all for you\” to their children, they are actually expressing a strong sense of giving. The inner presupposition is actually: \”You owe me.\” It is easy for children to bear heavy mental shackles and make children feel guilty towards their parents. There is a concept in psychology called \”emotional blackmail\” – \”Emotional blackmailers can always make the other person feel: You are not important, my feelings are more important. You have responsibilities and obligations in life to meet my needs.\” .\” When parents say \”I am doing it all for you\”, they are subconsciously expressing: \”I am making this request of you for your own good. I didn\’t expect that you would not do what I said. Then you refuse my kindness to you, that is, you don\’t care about me.\” Living in this kind of emotional kidnapping for a long time, children silently bear the pressure from their parents. Over time, it is easy to develop disapproval of yourself. \”Just study hard and don\’t worry about anything else.\” Only letting children study since childhood may seem fine, but in the long run, it hides a deep pit. Although some children have good grades, they lack the ability to take care of themselves and have major problems in interpersonal communication and other aspects. There is a famous \”barrel principle\” in psychology, which means that how much water a barrel can hold depends on its shortest board, not the longest one. A child\’s world is far more than just learning. He has responsibilities at different ages. If you don’t have the ability to live independently, have no sense of responsibility, and don’t know how to love. The more obvious the \”shortcomings\” are, the more they will affect the child\’s long-term development. \”If you don\’t behave well, the police will come to arrest you.\” Similar words include \”If you don\’t eat well, the doctor will give you an injection.\” This frightening of children will make them fear the police, doctors, etc. Once a child is in trouble and needs help from the police, the child does not dare to ask for help. When a child is sick and needs to go to the hospital, the child\’s resistance to the doctor will be particularly strong. \”Why doesn\’t he hit others but only you?\” When speaking to children like this, the implication is:Because you made a mistake, you were beaten. The child is already aggrieved. He needs protection, comfort, and his emotions need to be seen. But at this time, we still have to question him and deny him. Over time, he is likely to form a habitual thinking: whenever something bad happens, it is his own problem. This makes the child feel insecure, lack self-confidence, and be overly sensitive. Even if he is bullied next time, he will not dare to tell his parents. \”Look at others\” always use this unfair \”comparison\” to hit children, which can easily make children feel inferior and jealous. Psychologist Bandura pointed out after extensive research: \”Self-efficacy\” refers to one\’s estimate of the degree to which one is capable of doing something. The higher a person\’s \”self-efficacy,\” the more confident he is. If children are often compared with their parents, they will gradually think that they are worthless, their \”self-efficacy\” will be low, and they will become less confident. Far-sighted parents will not always look at other people\’s children, but should discover their children\’s unique strengths, stimulate their potential, and make their children better themselves. \”Why are you so stupid?\” Calling a child \”stupid\” is actually labeling the child. The child will think that in the eyes of the mother, I am a stupid child, and the child\’s sense of value will become lower and lower. And I feel like I’m not good enough and don’t deserve the love and appreciation of others. If things go on like this, the child will become more and more inferior. There is a theory in psychology called the \”labeling effect\”, which means that once people are labeled with a certain label, they are more inclined to become the type of person the label belongs to. Parents must not put \”labels\” on their children casually. That will internalize it and become the child\’s \”definition\” of themselves, and even affect their whole life. \”If you say you can\’t do it, you can\’t do it.\” For children, parents are the most trusted and closest people to them. They will fully accept their parents\’ evaluation of themselves, and even take it deep into their hearts. Because there is a \”suggestion effect\” in psychology, that is, people will unintentionally accept information sent by other people and respond accordingly to the information. Subtly, children will only firmly believe that they are just like what their parents say \”you are no good\”, and focus only on their shortcomings. If things go on like this, they will develop an inferiority complex in their hearts. If children are always hit and accept such negative hints, they will feel very frustrated and lack self-confidence. \”Hitting and scolding you is for your own good. You will understand when you grow up!\” Parents who like to beat and scold their children often cannot control their emotions well. After venting my emotions on my child, I felt very guilty and then hypnotized myself, saying, \”I\’m doing this all for your own good.\” In fact, violence is violence. Confusing violence with love and \”for your own good\” is very harmful to children. Because children only experience hurt and anger from violent behavior. Children learn through observation, and we learn this way by how the people around us treat us. The way they are treated in childhood is unknowingly absorbed by the child, forming deep-rooted beliefs and behavioral patterns. Over time, children will most likely learn to use violence to solve problems. \”Are you still crying? Are you still embarrassed to cry?\” Whether it is threatening the child with \”Don\’t cry\” or denying the child\’s feelings with \”You are okay\”\”Crying\” will forcefully suppress the child\’s emotions. The child may no longer cry on the surface, but the emotions deep inside are not released. At the same time, the child will also hide more fears in his heart: he is afraid that he will lose his parents if he cries. If you show love, you will be beaten, scolded and punished! Crying that is suppressed may bring greater trouble. Although the child may no longer cry easily, the pain of psychological depression may accompany the whole life. We must accept the child Emotions, return the right to \”cry\” to children. In \”Toxic Parents\”, psychologist Dr. Susan Forward said this: \”Children cannot distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what adults say. words about yourself and turn them into your own ideas. \”Some words should never be said to children. Because an unintentional word may affect the child\’s life. Every child is actually dancing on the tip of the parents\’ tongue. The power of parents\’ language is very powerful. It can What makes a child can also destroy a child. The future of every child is hidden in the mouths of the parents. Parents with foresight know how to speak well. Let’s encourage all parents.

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