• Sat. Dec 2nd, 2023

The ones who hurt our children the most are actually us parents

As parents, have we ever had a situation where unknown fire was thrown at our children? Ask your friends around you, and they will all be embarrassed to say: Yes. It is clear that the child only made a small mistake, or maybe we just misunderstood it, but we got angry at the child all at once. We feel embarrassed because we realize that what we are doing is definitely wrong. When we yell, we can’t tell ourselves. Do we want to educate our children, or do we just want to vent our emotions? Regarding yelling at children, a story from a senior’s family is something I will never forget. The senior and his wife are both top students who graduated in 1985. The couple both believe that both their genes and their education methods are impeccable. Two years ago, my child took the college entrance examination. They feel that, not to mention Tsinghua and Peking University, at least they started in 985. However, the children performed abnormally during the college entrance examination and fell far short of their parents\’ expectations. The senior looked at the results and was so angry that he was almost incoherent. He listed all the children\’s previous shortcomings and even brought out other people\’s children for comparison. Finally, the angry senior, the old teacher who had taught countless people, blurted out: \”It\’s all about studying. For such a simple thing, you can\’t even compare to a finger of other people\’s children! You are a waste! You are a waste in life.\” What a waste of food!\” The child was still retorting at first, but when he heard these words, he suddenly froze, stopped talking, and returned to his room silently. In the middle of the night, the senior heard a loud noise. Feeling bad, he ran to the child\’s room and found that the child was gone – he had fallen off the balcony. There was also a suicide note on the table: \”Mom and Dad, I\’m sorry for you, I don\’t deserve to be your son…\” When the senior talked about this incident, he said with great pain, \”Why is he so stupid! How can he be so weak in endurance!\” \”The child would rather jump down like this regardless of his loved ones. Is it really that these children\’s endurance is too poor, their minds are like glass, and they are too fragile? Not so. Most people cannot control themselves when faced with insults from those closest to them. And life and death often depend on a moment, a thought, a word from a family member, or a burst of fire. Just a few days ago, in Hunan, a girl under 15 accidentally stabbed her father to death after having a dispute with her father over extra classes. According to the neighbors, the father is very responsible and the girl is very obedient and upbeat. Why did such a tragedy happen? Maybe the girl just wanted to scare her father with the kitchen knife, but his father was still unforgiving and angry, and he said some humiliating words in anger. The girl\’s blood surged and she waved the kitchen knife randomly. When she came to her senses, her father had been stabbed eight times and fell in a pool of blood. In fact, no matter how quiet and well-behaved a child is, a child\’s mental endurance is limited. Once it exceeds his limit, even the most determined person will collapse. When our children fail to live up to expectations, we yell at them. To put it nicely, it is education in the name of love. To put it bluntly, it’s actually using our uncontrollable emotions to challenge our children’s limits. If the cliff is not stepped back in time and the child\’s spiritual bottom line is touched, tragedy will happen! To be honest, we all have loved onesThe problem of losing temper is no exception for children. The reason why we \”bully\” children is because we know that children respect us, are close to us, and believe in us. If we get angry at our children, not only will our children not do anything to us, they may even comfort us in a sensible way. An authoritative child education scholar told us such a story when he came to give a lecture at the school. One day, the child signed the paper to his father who came back from get off work. The tired father took one look, sighed and signed without saying anything. The child asked his father again: Dad, how much money do you make in a day? When my father heard this, he couldn\’t help but get angry and said: 300 yuan, what\’s wrong? What else do you want money to buy? How many toys have you bought? Do you know how hard it is for dad to go to work every day? Don\’t you even understand? Look at the test paper you took! You go back to your room right now and study hard. If you do this next time in the exam, I will beat you up! The child returned to the room silently. After a while, the child came out holding the coin jar and handed it to his father. My father\’s anger hadn\’t subsided yet, so he asked angrily: What\’s wrong? As the son took the money bit by bit from the jar, he said: I have been saving for a long time, and I should have more than 300 yuan. If I give it to you, can you have a day off? Tomorrow is your birthday and I want to play with you. The father hugged his son and couldn\’t stop crying. Many times, as parents, we do not realize the love and respect our children have for us. They rely on us so obediently and want to give us some happiness, but we say nasty things to them. Isn\’t this a good-hearted act of kindness? The scholar later told us: \”The child loves you and respects you, not for you to hurt him! You may feel that the hurt is only once or twice, and you will give him more love in the future. Then I can tell you with certainty , some injuries are irreparable! They are fatal! It’s like if you dropped the most precious porcelain in your home to the ground, you can’t repair it no matter how you repair it!” That’s right. Including those extreme examples, once the words are spoken, they are like water that is thrown out and cannot be taken back. When we are about to get angry with our children, shouldn\’t we first think about how the children will feel when they hear this? How can we make up for one ten thousandth of the harm a child has suffered? We often lament: \”It\’s so hard to be a parent!\” It is indeed difficult to be a parent, because most people can\’t help themselves when they are extremely angry. But when facing children, no matter how difficult it is, you have to calm down! Why? There is a Chinese idiom called killing to kill one\’s heart. To destroy a person, hurting his body is secondary, but destroying his spirit is the key. If this kind of destruction comes from the person he trusts and is closest to, it will be even more fatal! Have we all had this experience? I work outside during the day and am exhausted. When I come back, I see my child\’s skin, making the house a mess, and even comes over to ask for something. Did he slap him as soon as he couldn\’t hold it back anymore? After the fight, I calmed down and thought again: Did I make a mistake somewhere? I was cautious with people outside, and I was afraid of affecting the relationship if I said anything casually. When I got home, I slapped my child carelessly? I am kind to outsiders but cruel to my own people. Am I stupid?? It\’s not that we are stupid, but because of our blood relationship and because our children have extreme trust in us, we always hurt our children again and again, but we often don\’t know it. If you leave your kindness to outsiders and your harm to your children, who will you leave your love to? I have a friend Xiaoqi. When she was in elementary school, her mother took her out to play. She went home and booked a long-distance bus ticket, but when she got on the bus, her mother had a dispute with the conductor because of the child ticket. Seeing that her mother seemed to be in trouble, Xiaoqi wanted to stand up for her mother at such a young age, and she actually plucked up the courage to shout, \”Refund the check!\”. As a result, her mother\’s first reaction was to pull her hard, frowning and telling her to shut up. She was too frightened to speak. Later, another time, when she followed her mother out to take the bus, she folded two one-dollar bills into small pieces and threw them into the coin box. The driver thought the mother and daughter didn\’t give them any money, so he asked them to go back and put in coins. After arguing for a while, her mother gave in. Xiaoqi didn\’t dare to speak out because of what happened last time. After a while, while sitting in her seat, her mother looked back at Xiaoqi resentfully and said something she would never forget: \”Why don\’t you say anything and say something to me!\” Xiaoqi said to me: \” I really didn\’t know what to say at the time, I just felt so wronged. Later, I was no longer willing to communicate with my mother. After I went to college, I told her about these things, but she said: \’It\’s such a small thing. Do you hold grudges till now? Do you have a conscience? I am so heartbroken!\’\” It is such parents who, in society and in the eyes of outsiders, are gentlemen; but when they return home, in front of their children, they become tyrants. When their children finally leave them, they still complain: \”I raised you so big, but you are so heartless!\” Indeed, some children may not be like extreme examples when their parents impact their bottom line. attack. Then they will forget every time their parents hurt them. But every time his parents were unreasonable, hit, scolded, and roughly humiliated… they would leave him feeling extremely disgusted with his parents. Eventually, he stayed away from his parents and became what his parents called a \”white-eyed wolf\”. All I can say is that if parents only love themselves and are unwilling to share their love with their children, then don’t expect their children to love their parents in the future. Of course, these are just a few families. Most parents love their children deeply. Whether they are naughty or a failure when they leave the house, we will still treat them as the apple of our eye. When they become successful and happy, our happiness will also arise spontaneously, because our children are our pride! I care about them as much as we care about ourselves. Injuring them is like cutting yourself with a knife, the pain is unbearable. Looking at their innocent smiles, we all silently swear: \”I will never become a parent who hurts my children.\”

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