The book \”How to Make Children Adults Again\” is written by Julie Lithcott-Haims, who received her BA from Stanford University, her MA from California Institute of the Arts, and her PhD from Harvard Law School. This book has long been at the top of the New York Times and Amazon book lists, and has been reviewed as \”should be placed before all educational books.\” It has strong guiding significance on how to help children grow. This time, we focus on the growth list in the book about what 18-year-old children should be prepared for, which are: over-help, lack of preparation, and losing the crutches at 18 years old. ① \”Excessive Help\” Are you raising children or adults? Even though most parents subjectively believe that they do the latter, their daily words and deeds are \”I have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice.\” \”You will always be a child in the eyes of your parents.\” \”You are right to listen to your parents.\” It is undeniable that these words reflect love and attention, but they also contain domination and authority. In a study published in the journal Family Psychology, four major markers of adulthood include: accepting the consequences of actions and taking responsibility; relating to parents as equal adults; being financially independent from parents; and being independent of parents. Influenced by others, you decide your own beliefs and values. However, excessive help from parents in terms of experience, skills, and life reduces their opportunities for growth. For example, on the campus of Stanford University, such an incident happened: a freshman reported to campus, and the courier company delivered his package to the sidewalk outside the dormitory. Because the package was so big and heavy that he couldn\’t move it, so he just let the box sit there. In the end, it was his mother who called the dormitory administrator for help and moved the package into the room. Afterwards, the child said that he did not know how to ask for help, which was a failure of parenting. With the help of my parents, a problem that was supposed to be solved by junior high school students stumped college students. Children don\’t magically acquire life skills on their 18th birthday. Childhood is the training ground for their growth. Psychotherapist Beth Gagnon: \”My private practice is full of anxious parents, and their response is regret for over-helping.\” ② \”Lack of Preparation\” In Beth Gagnon\’s clinic, from all over the United States The stories told by parents from all over the country are very surprising. For example: \”My child is in his third year of high school, but he still doesn\’t know how to transfer on the subway. Even if it\’s a direct subway, he often takes the bus.\” \”If I take my teenage children to the city, tell them \’ Go home by yourself\’, they will cry.\” \”My child never cooks because she has to do homework every night.\” In short, today\’s children are too poorly prepared for their future lives. It stands to reason that going to school by yourself, asking strangers for help, and planning your own itinerary are all trivial things in daily life that a grown-up person can do. But when the situation arises, parents realize how vulnerable their children are. Susan is an emergency physician at a hospital in Washington. Among the cases she has come into contact with, she is very impressed by the group of 19-year-old female college students. Usually, these students receive meticulous care from their parents when they are at home. Can they beWhen they come to the emergency room with an upper respiratory tract infection, they act like the world is ending. If you don\’t give them antibiotics, hospital admission, or infusion, they will feel uneasy. Then you can see them sitting at the end of the dark corridor, sobbing from their noses, and tearfully telling their family and friends about their great misfortune. Susan said: \”They were completely incapable of coping.\” Excessive help has caused a lack of preparation among young people. Once a situation arises, they will face almost a complete collapse of psychology, spirit, body and will. ③ \”Throw away the crutch at the age of 18\” Don\’t become a crutch for your children. Before they turn 18, cultivate their ability to face it alone. Based on his own observations as a provost for 10 years, and with reference to the advice of parents and educators across the United States, the author summarizes three things that children need to know how to deal with before going to college. The first thing: communication. As soon as they leave home, they are faced with a strange real world. If parents just blindly teach their children not to talk to strangers without teaching them the ability to communicate, when they enter the world, they will not know how to approach politely and with eye contact. Strangers, asking for help and guidance. Parents must help their children master the ability to talk to strangers in the real world before they are 18 years old. The second thing: orientation. It is very important to cultivate children\’s sense of place, but nowadays, no matter where the children go, their parents will drive or accompany them. Even if it is not possible, they will use taxi apps, even if the place they want to go can be reached on foot. As a result, children do not know the route from here to there, do not know how to choose transportation, deal with traffic chaos, and do not know how to make a transportation plan. It is best for parents to take their children outdoors more often and use landmarks, scenic spots, and their children’s favorite restaurants and parks as landmarks to help them establish a good sense of direction. The third thing: management. When at home, parents remind their children every day when to do homework, when to read, and when to eat, acting as a human reminder. But then the child doesn’t know how to prioritize tasks, manage workload, and complete tasks on time. This is also an important lesson for them before they turn 18. To sum up, \”tiger mom\” and \”copy dad\” seem to have become a trend, and related hot articles continue to inspire parents\’ desire to \”win\”. However, while academics are important, they are not everything in life. Parents should be wary of over-helping themselves and help their children achieve multi-dimensional growth as individuals.