• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

The sad thing is not the divorce itself, but…

Xiao Qiao got divorced, ending a decade-long separation between the two places. She asked me before, is divorce considered a failure? I said, forget it. Marriage is the process of upgrading and fighting monsters, defeating one\’s own limitations, defeating the hardships of life, defeating chicken feathers everywhere, defeating the ghosts and monsters that rush out halfway. When the hair is full, holding hands, sitting on the wicker chair in the yard of one\’s house, looking sideways Looking back at the setting sun, thousands of words turn into one sentence, you are enough in this life! This is undoubtedly a successful marriage, and it should be the ending that every young man and woman who enters the marriage hall wants. Unfortunately, I don’t know whether we were too weak or there were too many monsters. As we kept fighting, we got stuck at a certain level. We tried many times but still couldn’t get through. Deep frustration and hopelessness eroded our fighting spirit. So, we chose to give up. No matter what, exiting midway cannot erase the feeling of incompetence, powerlessness and helplessness deep in our hearts. From this point of view, divorce is indeed a failure. However, if you admit failure and know how to give up, it is possible to start over. Indulging in an unhappy marriage, complaining to each other, consuming each other, and unwilling to change is an even greater failure. The former kind of failure is a positive breakthrough, and the beginning of hope is temporary. The latter kind of failure is a passive acceptance, and the continuation of disappointment is long-lasting. Therefore, divorce is not terrible, and failure is nothing special. It’s just that whether you divorce or not divorce, you have to face consequences, good and bad. Xiao Qiao said that she had been struggling and suffering for ten years. When you live to the age of 35, you finally understand that the problems you should face will have to be faced sooner or later, and they will not disappear in a vacuum. Xiao Qiao married Dafeng at the age of 22. Dafeng was a navy man. That summer, when Dafeng appeared in front of Xiao Qiao wearing a uniform the color of sea water and waves, Xiao Qiao knew that the love she wanted was in this color. Christopher Marlowe said, \”Whoever falls in love does not fall in love at first sight?\” However, when the web woven by love evolves into a marriage built in reality, the \”lunar halo phenomenon\” will gradually disappear – it turns out that the moon itself does not emit light, it only reflects the light of the sun. When applied to Dafeng, it means that Dafeng is just an ordinary man, and it was the navy uniform that gave her the illusion and fantasy when she was young. Dafeng is not even an \”ordinary\” man. Ordinary men can buy groceries with their wives, take care of the children together, travel together, even if they quarrel together. Xiao Qiao and Dafeng have been married for more than ten years. The child is sick and Dafeng is not at home. Xiao Qiao is in a bad mood and Dafeng is not at home. The child has a parent-teacher conference but Dafeng is not at home. Xiao Qiao is hospitalized with a fracture and Dafeng is not at home. The rare two meetings in a year were full of quarrels and unhappiness. On the phone, except for yelling and tears, there was no trace of love. It has been a stalemate for ten years, and no one is willing to retreat to the other side\’s city. In addition to the practical difficulties, the constant quarrels also exhausted the courage and trust of both parties. Dafeng didn\’t want to get divorced because \”it\’s been ten years, why not keep it going any longer?\” All he cared about was the promise of marriage. As for happiness or not, it was beyond his ability. Since he can\’t guarantee his own happiness in marriage, how can he bring happiness to Xiao Qiao? It’s not Dafeng who makes Xiao Qiao sadattitude, after all, they have been married for 12 years and have not even been together effectively for 2 years. What makes her sad is her parents\’ attitude when she filed for divorce. My mother said: You are already in your thirties and you still have a child. It will be difficult to get a divorce. Stop fussing! The father said: The child is ten years old, and he is not afraid of being laughed at if he gets divorced! Xiao Qiao is very beautiful and is still young at the age of 35; Xiao Qiao has a stable job, which is enough to support herself and her children; Xiao Qiao longs for a happy marriage, not an empty shell; Xiao Qiao has had a hard time living these years… …Xiao Qiao\’s parents didn\’t see any of this. They only saw a divorced woman who made her family lose face. Xiao Qiao said that the ten years of pain and struggle were the tuition fees I paid for my original rashness and blindness, and I accepted it. However, what I can\’t face are the complaints and accusations from my parents: If I get divorced, my life will be over; if I get divorced, their face will be ruined; if I get divorced, my children will be criticized by others; if I get divorced, My image of a navy husband who was once envied by relatives and neighbors collapsed. In a word, it doesn\’t matter whether you are living well or not, it is important whether others look good or not. Xiao Qiao\’s younger brother is getting married on May 1st this year. Xiao Qiao\’s parents asked her to bring her divorced \”husband\” to attend her brother\’s wedding. \”You can\’t let your relatives and neighbors know that you are divorced, and you can\’t let your brother lose face.\” Xiao Qiao choked up several times when he said this. It can be seen that what makes her sad is not the divorce, but the attitude of her parents towards her divorce. Xiao Qiao said to herself with tears in her eyes: \”Is it really wrong for me to divorce? Should I sacrifice my life\’s happiness to protect my parents\’ face?\” I know she doesn\’t need an answer, because she has already given it. Answer. She just needs someone who can quietly listen to her inner helplessness and pain. No coincidence. My aunt\’s cousin and my cousin\’s husband were introduced to each other. My cousin-in-law works in engineering and travels all over the country. My cousin works as a nurse in the county hospital in her hometown. My cousin\’s husband is tall and handsome, and my cousin is pretty and charming. It can be said that they fell in love at first sight. But not long after the marriage, my cousin-in-law went to Shanghai. In order to avoid the pain of lovesickness, the cousin\’s husband persuaded his cousin to quit her job in her hometown and go to Shanghai with him. My cousin naively thought that the couple would be reunited, but before the child was one month old, my cousin\’s husband went to Xi\’an again. If the cousin\’s husband can give her a stable home, go home frequently, and earn money for her, the temporary two places can be tolerated. However, as she got to know more about life, her cousin discovered sadly that besides being handsome, she could no longer find anything to miss about her cousin-in-law: he could earn hundreds of thousands a year, but he only gave her two dollars a month. Thousands of living expenses; even though I can go home during the holidays, I almost never stay home on the pretext of socializing. I have been married for five years now and have a four-year-old child. My cousin goes to work, picks up and drop off the children, stays with the children, and does housework all by herself. My cousin-in-law has become a legend. During the Spring Festival last year, my cousin told my aunt that she wanted to get a divorce, but she was harshly told by her that it would be hard to find a divorced woman with children, that she would be laughed at by the neighbors if she was divorced, and that no woman would suffer… The key point Even though he is a cousin-in-law, he doesn’t want a divorce., the surface work is done quite well. Family members and relatives even thought that the cousin was making trouble unreasonably, including the aunt. The joys and sorrows in the besieged city are difficult for outsiders to see clearly and are easily confused by superficial phenomena. Divorce is the same as marriage. There is no need to explain to outsiders or ask for other people\’s opinions. However, just as you want your parents’ blessing and celebration when you get married, you also want your parents’ support and understanding when you get divorced. Unfortunately, it is the lack of support and understanding from parents that causes more sadness than the divorce itself.

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