• Sun. Dec 3rd, 2023

The tone of parents’ speaking determines the children’s IQ and EQ

Successful tutoring is closely related to parents\’ verbal expression. Language is emotional. Every word a parent speaks will bring warmth to the child, and may also cause indelible damage to the child\’s physiology and psychology. Mr. Cai Yuanpei said in the book \”Chinese Cultivation\”: What determines a child\’s life is not academic performance, but sound personality cultivation. If you want to cultivate a sound personality in your children, the first thing parents need to do is change the tone and way of speaking. Tone of Appreciation and Encouragement Everyone hopes to be appreciated by others and likes to hear others praise themselves, especially children. No matter what their grades are, no matter whether their performance is excellent or not, they are eager to be sincerely appreciated by others, especially their parents. Teacher Fan Wei, a child psychological counselor and lecturer of \”Parents\’ Must-Read Lecture\”, once gave an example: Xiaohui\’s grades have always been among the top five in the class. In the eyes of other parents, he should be considered a very good child. . But Xiaohui\’s mother has never been satisfied with his results. Mom hopes that Xiaohui can be in the top three, and preferably win first place. So every time after Xiaohui\’s exam results came out, his mother not only never praised him, but also scolded him blindly: \”You must study hard and try to get first place in the exam next time.\” But no matter what his mother said, Xiaohui\’s The results have not improved, and sometimes they have dropped one or two places. Teacher Fan Wei said that Xiaohui was already very good, but instead of praising him, his mother put more pressure on him, which would only have the opposite effect. When children perform well, parents should praise them in time, so that children can experience the joy of reward for their efforts and confidence in themselves, and they will do better in the future; when children perform poorly, they need more appreciation and encouragement from their parents, so that It can help children reduce their inferiority complex and increase their self-confidence. There are no two identical leaves in the world, and children are all different, so appreciation should also vary from person to person. For those with good grades, appreciate their wisdom and diligence; for those with bad grades, appreciate their persistence; for those who are bold, appreciate their courage and fearlessness; for those who are timid, appreciate their caution; for those who are restless, appreciate their liveliness. ; Introverted, appreciate their stability… Of course, appreciation does not mean appeasement. When children make mistakes, parents should also give appropriate criticism and even appropriate punishment. Only by appreciating and praising children\’s personalities and behaviors in a targeted manner can they realize their own excellence, improve their self-confidence, and stick to their good performance. Trusting Tone Many parents do not believe in their children\’s abilities and think that their children cannot do anything well. If a child wants to develop a certain skill or do something they have never tried before, they will subconsciously help the child. If parents do not trust their children, they will not be able to understand their children\’s wishes and requirements. The children\’s self-esteem and self-confidence will inevitably be hurt, and their trust in their parents will inevitably weaken, leading to worsening relationships between them. In this way, the effect of family education will be weakened accordingly. I remember there was a variety show where Song Dandan brought his son Batu as a guest. Throughout the show, Rui’s mother only heard Song Dandan’s constant complaints and attacks on her son: Seeing other people’s children making breakfast for everyone, Song DanDan then said: \”Why are you so stupid? I gave birth to a waste…Tell the Civil Affairs Bureau that I want to change my son.\” While Batu was busy making a fire and boiling eggs for her, she laughed at her son\’s clumsiness and complained at the same time. The ashes raised by his son stained his porridge and face. Huang Lei needed Batu to make a chicken coop, and Song Dandan said from the side: \”If you can make a chicken coop, I feel that this child is not in vain.\” Batu was embarrassed after hearing this, and mocked himself: \”I look like this The purpose of growing up is to make a chicken coop, right?\” In fact, Song Dandan is a typical Chinese parent. They hardly give their children trust and respect. Teasing, sarcasm, and blows are their usual methods of educating their children. They think they can stimulate their children. . In fact, parents’ trust plays a huge role in family education. If parents believe in their children\’s abilities and give them opportunities to exercise, and encourage them in a trusting tone for whatever their children can do, it will increase their self-confidence. Even if children encounter difficulties, they can actively exert their subjective initiative, effectively adjust themselves, and turn suffering into motivation to promote their own efforts and progress. Respectful and equal tone. Some parents attach great importance to their authority and put themselves above their children. Or they think that their children are still very young and do not have the ability to make decisions, so they will ignore their children\’s ideas and follow their own rules. Arrange your children’s study and life according to your wishes. In fact, children\’s self-awareness begins to sprout from the age of two or three, and this self-awareness will become stronger as they grow older. Once parents control them too much or ignore their wishes and ideas, children will bear a heavy burden mentally and physically. Suppressed emotions will inevitably hinder their character development. Children have different thoughts and ideas from adults. Parents should stand from the child\’s perspective, observe the child in details, analyze the child\’s psychology, and allow the child to have autonomy. If a child\’s idea is not feasible, parents should not deny it easily. Children have a sense of right and wrong, and parents can patiently discuss with their children and communicate in an equal and respectful manner. In this way, the children will not be rebellious, and the parents\’ wishes will be easily considered by the children. If the suggestion is really good, the child will not refuse it. The premise of educating children is to respect them, and respect is the basis of education. Smart parents are good at seizing every opportunity to put themselves and their children on an equal footing, and guide their children to fully express their wishes and ideas, and help their children grow. Language is magical, and the way parents speak determines to a large extent whether their children will be successful in the future.

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