• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

The ultimate mission of parents is to raise children who can adapt to society

Some time ago a mother came to me for consultation. Her son has been a top student since he was a child. He went to key schools and was among the top three in his grade. Finally, he was recommended to a prestigious university. But one year after graduating from college, he lost his job three times. The first two times, I failed the probation period. The third time, I thought I would fail, so I took the initiative to pack up and leave. Then he refused to look for a job again, and has been bored at home for almost half a year now, playing games all day long until late at night, and eating junk food without restraint. The mother was so anxious that she secretly called her son\’s former boss. The other party was also honest and said: Your son is not interested in work. He has been assigned to work several times, but he simply refuses to do it. There is no reason. If you criticize him once, he will not go to work the next day. Moreover, he was not very sensible. He always choked the boss during meetings, never said hello to the boss when he saw him in the corridor, and did not get along well with his colleagues… These words surprised her. She admitted that her son did have a bit of an ego, but she didn\’t expect the problem to be so serious. She said, \”I have such an outstanding son, and I have always been proud of it. I also think that I am a very successful mother, but why did it suddenly become like this?\” I think it must not be \”all of a sudden.\” \”It got worse. This boy must have always had some bad traits, such as not being good at interacting with others, not knowing how to respect others, being mentally fragile, and having a poor sense of responsibility…but before graduating from college, these were all covered up by his grades. Many parents have a wrong thinking – as long as their children are healthy, happy and have good grades, everything will be fine. So, when he was two years old, you made him a variety of breakfasts and taught him English vocabulary, but you did not teach him to know the rules and be polite. He took other people\’s things casually and didn\’t say hello to his elders when he saw him. You didn\’t take it seriously. So after work, he ate snacks and talked loudly in the quiet office. When he met the boss, he turned a blind eye and took it for granted. When he was five years old, you asked him to learn calligraphy, piano and taekwondo, but you did not teach him how to play happily with children. You let him go when he occupied public toys, and you helped him fight back when he was bullied. So after work, he competed with his old colleagues for computers and performance. He always violated others unconsciously and often had conflicts with others, but he didn\’t know how to resolve them. When he was ten years old, you only paid attention to whether he excelled in the exam and was praised, but you did not tell him to respect his teachers and be grateful to his parents. He yelled at his elders, which you thought was commendable. When eating, he feasted on his meal before others were seated. You It feels like he is full. So after work, he would turn tables when the boss picked up food, he would get in the car when the boss opened the door, he would chat with the boss during meetings, and he would not realize anything was wrong. When he was fifteen, you were all concerned about whether he could get into a good university, but you didn\’t teach him how to make his heart strong. His grades dropped when a teacher gave him a cold look, and he became angry when a relative gossiped. You shared the same hatred with him and thought that everyone It\’s the fault of teachers and relatives. So after a few criticisms from his boss at work, he would like to resign. If something went wrong at work, he would be terrified and unable to bear it. When he was twenty, you always thought about whether he could find a good job, but you didn\’t tell him that human nature is complex and the world is difficult, and you were not willing to let him suffer a little bit. So after graduation, he complained endlessly when he went on a business trip and worked overtime. Faced with the exclusion, isolation, and infighting from his colleagues, he was completely unable to cope with it. ——He may be admitted as you wishA prestigious school, a very high degree, and even versatile. However, he is selfish, cold, fragile, irresponsible, ignorant… and completely unfit for society. In the sea of ​​society, as soon as he entered the water, he had a huge reaction of rejection. Other people\’s drizzle is his violent storm, and other people\’s small waves are his stormy waves. The small boat of friendship capsized, the big ship of work sank, and the big ship of life also leaked. His head was bleeding and you were at a loss. The child who always takes first place may not be really good. Parents who send their children to prestigious schools may not be successful. Grades are important, but they are by no means the only thing. Society is the ultimate criterion for testing a person and a pair of parents. And this standard is comprehensive. When I was working as a reporter in a newspaper, I took care of many interns. Now most of them have even forgotten their appearance. There was only one girl who left a deep impression on me. She is from Hong Kong and came for exchange and internship during the summer vacation of her junior year. The first thing she said when she saw me was: Hello, teacher, I brought you a lollipop. I first let her read the newspaper for a day and asked her about her feelings in the evening. She said that some of the titles were different from the style of Hong Kong newspapers. Then he gave me a few examples. I thought it was very interesting, so after I wrote the manuscript the next day, I asked her to come up with the title. She meditated for a long time without eating, and took more than twenty in one fell swoop. Later, I asked her to try writing a manuscript, and she was very serious every time. She had to check dozens of materials for a two-hundred-word manuscript. But sometimes it doesn\’t work and I have to completely rewrite it. She was not sad either. She would read my version over and over again, sum up her experience, and ask me what her problems were in a very humble and polite manner. Normally, colleagues chat in the office, while other interns listen silently. She is the only one who joins in very diligently and appropriately, sharing her experiences and thoughts. Her words are fun and often cause laughter. One time we went to report to the director. She walked ahead, and when she reached the door, she suddenly retracted. I asked what was wrong, and she stuck out her tongue and said, \”I saw the director was concentrating on sneezing. My dad said you can\’t disturb other people\’s sneezing.\” . She interned for more than a month and was the only intern who was able to write independently when she left. The only intern who made all three directors remember her, and the only intern I couldn\’t bear to let go. I still think that no matter what unit she works for, she will definitely do well and will be very popular. Her upbringing, friendliness, sense of responsibility, initiative, and ability to withstand frustration must all be attributed to her parents. I remember she once told me that every time her parents called, they would ask a few questions: Did you help the teacher today? Did you meet any new friends? What did you gain? I think parents who can ask these questions must be very different from those who only ask their children whether they have enough food and clothing. Long Yingtai said that the so-called scene between father, daughter and mother only means that he will continue to watch his back fade away in this life. In fact, every parent also knows that our children will eventually leave us and enter the society to create their own lives with their own minds and hands. We can provide him with a comfortable life and extreme care when he is young, but we cannot stay with him for a lifetime. One day, he will have to face the world alone, solve problems by himself, bear the wind and rain by himself, and fight his own way. So, ifIf you really love him, you should teach him the ability to get along with the world before he leaves you. This is the greatest help and protection you can give him. The ultimate mission of being a parent is actually to raise children who can adapt to society. The greatest success and highest honor of a parent is when a child can live happily, smoothly, at ease, and with ease in society.

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