• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

The world is not perfect, children need a more flexible heart

Picture: unsplash The finale of \”Everything Is Fine\”, compared to topics such as mama\’s babies, domestic violence, nibbling on the elderly, and native families… Su Mingyu, played by Yao Chen, has aroused heated discussions. Having lived in the shadow of her original family since she was a child, she not only did not bow to fate, but also relied on her own efforts to level up and fight monsters all the way. She finally lived a life that was favored by fate, had the ability, career and money, and successfully counterattacked. Some people say: Su Mingyu’s success is due to her strong ability, hard work, and willingness to struggle. There were many times when she said and did things that were textbook-level when faced with various interpersonal relationships and emergencies. The most impressive thing is Su Mingyu’s high emotional intelligence: This kind of Su Mingyu reminds me of a saying: Your background is only your starting point, and your emotional intelligence determines how far you can go in the end. What is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence is not just the ability to speak, but refers to a person\’s qualities in terms of mood, emotion, will, and tolerance of frustration. Kai-Fu Lee said: \”In any field, emotional intelligence is twice as important as IQ.\” The higher a child\’s emotional intelligence, the easier it will be to succeed in the future. John Gottman, the master of interpersonal relationships, wrote in the book \”Raising Children with High Emotional Intelligence\”: \”For children, emotional intelligence means the ability to restrain impulses, the ability to delay gratification, the ability to motivate themselves, and the ability to understand The ability to take social cues from others and the ability to cope with the highs and lows of life.\” The world is full of unknowns, but we can know that children with high emotional intelligence will definitely perform exceptionally in their future lives. 1. Emotional management ability Su Mingyu has superb emotional control. He is calm and composed under any circumstances. There are almost no hysterics. Even when he was beaten severely by Su Mingcheng, he never yelled. Napoleon said: A man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who can capture a city. A person who can manage his emotions will also be sad, sad, lose his temper, and cry. However, when he releases his emotions, he does not hurt others or make irrational choices. He knows how to express them appropriately, neither wronging himself nor making irrational choices. Harm others. When Xiao Yu\’er was in first grade, I severely criticized him because he was too playful and didn\’t do his homework. At that time, the two of us had a conflict and stopped talking to each other. We were in the same room, and he even closed the door hard. After a while, I saw this little man open the door and come out, put a piece of paper on the door, and then hurriedly closed the door and went back to the house. I still ignored him. After about ten minutes, he came out again and took another piece of paper. He also tore off the paper on the door, brought it to me and said, \”Mom, this is a letter I wrote to you!\” I looked at it and saw that the first letter was: \”Mom is a loser!\” The second letter It\’s: \”Mom, I\’m done with this. You are an adult and I am a child. You have to teach me man-manly so that I can grow up.\” Looking at the child who can\’t write the word fully, his mood is restored more quickly than before. I was almost okay, my anger was gone in an instant. Emotional management ability is the core of emotional intelligence. It can not only correctly perceive and detect one\’s own and other people\’s emotions, but also correctly express and release one\’s own emotions. 2. Ability to handle interpersonal relationships. In the play, Su Mingyu is good at coordinating and handling various emergencies and people.Conflicts will make your career path smoother. Similarly, children who can handle interpersonal relationships in life will also have more opportunities in life. A few days ago, Nanmanzi posted a message on Weibo: My sister cried after being criticized by her mother for wasting food. My sister wiped her tears and said, \”You should be more obedient and you won\’t be in trouble.\” He turned around and said to me: Mommy, you shouldn\’t be so angry. You should say softly: Baby food cannot be wasted… Nanmanzi said: Her language structure is very cute, very much like an adult. I believe that any mother in the world will melt into tears when she sees her child say this. A child who is good at solving problems has the wisdom of life. He is not easily swayed by emotions. He will deal with problems head-on and resolve them tactfully. This will not only let unpleasant things go with the wind, but also help him get out of embarrassing situations and make everything better. Becoming smoother and more natural. 3. Be empathetic and put yourself in other people’s shoes. Last weekend, my cousin brought her daughter Qiqi to the hospital to visit me when I was sick. When Qiqi saw that I was on an IV drip, she held my hand in distress and said \”huhu\” while saying, \”Auntie.\” , does it hurt for you? It hurt when I gave the injection. Your IV drip must hurt more than my injection. I will breathe for you, and you won’t hurt so much.\” At that moment, my heart felt as warm as a stove. Empathy is the best education for children. They can put themselves into the other person\’s shoes and carefully understand the actual feelings and needs of others. A child with empathy is also a child who is loved by everyone. He uses love and kindness to connect with others, making those around him the greatest comfort and happiness, and he will also receive the rewards of life. 4. The ability to resist frustration. Football star Messi once said: Don’t believe that I can create miracles, but please believe that I am not afraid of adversity. He dreamed of becoming a professional player since childhood, but was diagnosed with a developmental hormone deficiency at the age of 11, which greatly affected bone growth. This was almost the death sentence that fate had given to his football career, but he was unwilling to give in and trained hard. Later, despite his short stature, he proved his strength with his footwork and conquered the football world. Research shows that children who recover quickly from loss often have the ability to get others to help them. In psychology, it is believed that whether a person has high emotional intelligence depends on how he faces failure. General Patton said: The measure of a man\’s success is not how high he reaches the top, but how hard he rebounds when he hits the bottom. No one can have a smooth life. Really successful people have what Barton calls resilience, the ability to fight against repeated defeats and become more courageous with every setback. Every child with a strong heart will never think of escaping or giving up when facing a desperate situation. Instead, he will face it bravely and will not give up easily. He can face setbacks, is not afraid of wind and rain, and can find breakthroughs and opportunities in difficult situations. Comeback. 5. Learn to say no and understand the ability to protect yourself. In \”Story of Yanxi Palace\”, Wei Yingluo was able to achieve a comeback against the wind. A large part of it was that she knew how to reject malice and was good at protecting herself. When Jinxiu sprinkled water on her bedding, she decisively carried a bucket of water, poured it on Jinxiu\’s bedding and said, \”I, Wei Yingluo, have a bad temper and I\’m not easy to deal with. If anyone keeps nagging, I have plenty of solutions.\” deal with her\”, as a result, no one dared to say anything anymore; after learning about Yibin’s death and her conversation with Grandma Zhang, she said: “It’s just because Yibin is too cowardly, and she wants to die when others humiliate her. Why?” If it were me, I would be able to spit on the saliva of millions of people. Even if I am asked to kneel down and wait, I will wait until the day the truth is revealed!\” So even if she comes from the bottom, she still has nothing to do. Be afraid and refuse those unreasonable demands. Even if you have many adventures, you never give up hope of self-rescue and eventually become a winner in life. According to psychology: Rejecting other people\’s unreasonable demands is actually protecting your own personal boundaries. This boundary includes both physical boundaries and emotional and spiritual boundaries. Children who know how to reject others reasonably can also know how to protect themselves. The world is full of dangers, and knowing how to refuse and protect yourself is a required course in life. The world is not perfect, and children need a more flexible heart. If we want our children to have high emotional intelligence, then we can do this: If we want our children to have stable emotions, then we must listen to them more, accept their emotions, and guide them to express them correctly; we want our children to be considerate, If we have empathy, can respect others, and learn to say no, we should respect his decision more. When we have different opinions with our children, we should explain the reasons to them, negotiate with them, and then take action. If you want your children to have a strong heart and strong ability to withstand setbacks, then take them to explore the world, see different mountains and rivers, meet different people and sophistication, and share each other\’s opinions so that they can understand that success and failure in the world are ordinary. Parents are the best emotional intelligence coaches for their children, and love is the greatest support we can give them. We hope that we can provide the best companionship and grow together with our children.

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