• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Their parents are still alive, but they have become orphans

There is a distant relative who is very busy recently because he is enrolling his children in a kindergarten. The policy has changed this year. You can only fill in one application before participating in the lottery. I thought she was confused about which school to enroll in, but I didn\’t expect that she was in a dilemma about whether to enroll her children in full care. I was shocked. Wasn’t all the full care plan cancelled? In my eyes, full-day kindergarten is a product that has been eliminated by the times. She shook her head and said a little mysteriously: \”There are still some famous public kindergartens running. People around me think they are very good, and many people are trying to grab them.\” I seemed to have heard some magical story again, so I quickly asked her: \” Don’t you know that full day care is very harmful to children? Why do you still think about it?” She seemed to have seen through the “sincere words” I was about to start, and she quickly responded: “I know that full day care is not very good for children. Okay, but that was in the past. The education method of that kindergarten was very advanced, and the children who came out were very independent.\” I saw that her face was full of affirmation, and she seemed to have weighed it up, so what else is she struggling with? . As a result, she said: \”I\’m afraid that too many people will apply for full-time care in this kindergarten, and the winning rate will be too low, which will waste this volunteer. If I apply for a kindergarten closer to home, it may be higher, so I have been busy researching recently. News.\” A long list of ellipses popped up in my mind. She was completely focused on the reputation of this kindergarten as a prestigious school. How could she really pay attention to the physical and mental impact of full-time care on children? I wonder if there are as many parents who think the same as her as she said. I remembered a documentary called \”Kindergarten\” that I watched many years ago. It talked about the various behaviors of children in full-day care kindergartens. It left a deep impression on me. In my spare time, I found it and read it again, and I was filled with emotions. Although this documentary was filmed in 2001 and released in 2004, and the educational conditions have long since changed, some of the details captured in the film are still worthy of discussion 16 years later. What I remember most clearly is the heartbreaking cry of the child at the beginning of the film. The first day of sending a child to kindergarten is usually miserable, let alone a full-day kindergarten. We couldn\’t comfort the child when we sent him to full day care. Mom would come to pick you up in the afternoon… Facing the five-day separation, the only thing we could do was to force him into the teacher\’s hands and break away from his strength. entangled. Facing the child who was dragging his mother on the ground and not letting go, the teacher kept repeating: \”Treat the teacher as your mother. When you see the teacher, you see your mother…\” This sentence seems so feeble. In the minds of the children, the mother can Any replacement? Especially on the first day of kindergarten, facing a completely unfamiliar woman. British psychoanalyst Winnicott once mentioned in the theory of mother-infant relationship that kindergarten teachers are the continuation of the first caregiver. This continuation can only become a suitable \”transition object\” in a successful mother-infant relationship. \”. A successful mother-infant relationship is one in which the child feels sufficiently secure. The first day of kindergarten is a major test of how much security we give our children. When children are sent to full-time kindergarten, their need index for security increases exponentially. In the whole day care class, the littleThe most favorite questions asked by the children in the class are all related to Friday. \”Teacher, will my parents come to pick me up on Friday?\” \”Will my parents come as soon as I wake up on Friday?\” \”Will tomorrow be Friday?\” \”Will it be Friday soon?\” They are looking forward to Friday every day. The arrival of the baby was waiting for my mother to pick her up. For those little children, Monday to Friday is so long. In fact, it is difficult for them to bear such a long time mentally, but they are forced to adapt. If my mother doesn\’t come to pick me up on time, I feel like the sky is falling. The feeling of being abandoned by the whole world, his pain, despair and loneliness will be magnified countless times in the young mind. I saw on the Internet that a mother who sent her child to full day care said that my child has been in full day care for three years, and his minor problems have disappeared and he is very independent. I wonder if while she was overjoyed, had she ever thought about how children develop their independence? Zhang Yiqing, the director of the \”Kindergarten\” documentary, once said in an interview: \”A teacher scared me to death. She only cares about the two ends of a class, the best and the noisiest, and doesn\’t care about the middle. Those in the middle. For some children, the teacher has not said a word to him alone for three years.\” At that time, the class size was large, and now it is basically a small class teaching, with 20 or 30 people in a class. There is no such extreme situation, but as long as In school, teachers’ energy and attention are limited, and there are children who don’t get that much attention. At a young age, how does it feel to be in a single environment and not be noticed by others for a long time? If he could go home at night, lie down in his mother\’s arms, and talk to her, all the unpleasantness might disappear. Children in full care do not have such opportunities. Even though they meet with their parents once a week, they have forgotten many things. They no longer have such emotions or state of mind. Children have also gradually learned through habitual neglect that they have to rely on themselves for some things. Their precocious maturity, which surpasses that of their peers, was all acquired in such an environment. Freud\’s psychoanalysis said that long-term lack of necessary care is also a kind of trauma. Too many traumas in people are suppressed in the subconscious, which will form many diseases in the future. But in the future, who will think that the source of their pain is related to attending a full-day kindergarten when they were young? Not only kindergartens, but also children who go to boarding elementary schools are easily traumatized. In the eyes of adults, compared with having super self-care ability, does the more hidden mental health become less important? There is a short interview in the documentary that made me watch it several times. The staff asked some children individually: When will you say I love you? Have you ever heard your mother tell you that I love you? Who do you want to say I love you to? When the children being interviewed heard the mention of their mother, they almost all responded with a blank expression, “No, I don’t know.” But when asked if he knew what \”love\” meant, a child showed an ambiguous smile and replied a little embarrassedly: \”I will hold you.\” \”Then do you have any ideas about whom you want to hold?\” The child actually said Returning to his blank expression, he replied: \”No.\” In the camera, he left a blank look in his eyes. Ask a child \”What would you say?\”People say I love you\”, he felt embarrassed to say it because it was disgusting. This made a female director who was filming the documentary cry when watching the samples. She did not expect that these children have such a narrow understanding of love. They have never learned from From their parents, they really saw or learned what love is, without even feeling that they are loved. Children who do not understand love may have to spend half their lives when they grow up. Find the lost self in loving and being loved. Maybe some parents are too busy at work and have no time to accompany their children. It is better to send them to a professional teacher for full care than to have a nanny. Maybe some parents are really dissatisfied with the elderly It is better to take care of your children and send them to boarding schools in excellent schools than for them to be spoiled by old people. In this case, why not accompany your children yourself? After watching this documentary, Professor Liang Yongan of Fudan University said that full care is There are only emptiness in the eyes of children. Children who are with their parents have a kind of warmth, happiness and light in their eyes. Children\’s expectations for their parents are the most fundamental things in life. Children who go to school will no longer ask for Your 24-hour waiting is nothing more than a delicious meal when you get home from school every day, your care and concern, the stories you tell him, your words of good night before he goes to bed, and a kiss on his face. . This age is the time when love is most needed. And you just see the halo of a famous school and forget that in the eyes of your children, your own halo is more dazzling and moving. In the children\’s hearts, wherever the mother is, there is paradise. .Please do not send your children who are too young to boarding school unless absolutely necessary.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *