• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

There is nothing wrong with introverted children, forcing them to be active is a disease of the world

In the morning, on the bus taking Keer to school, I met his classmate, a well-spoken little girl, who greeted me warmly. The little girl said: Auntie, Ke’er doesn’t know what 3+6 equals. I said: He knows. She said: The teacher asked him, but he didn\’t answer. I said: He will, maybe he just doesn’t want to answer. Then the little girl continued to describe Ke\’er\’s \”shortcomings\” to me with a sense of accomplishment: he couldn\’t hold chopsticks and had to be taught by the teacher; he couldn\’t jump 10 times on the skipping rope. I didn\’t answer the conversation, because I was afraid that the topic would continue to expand and Ke\’er would feel uncomfortable. I looked at Ke\’er. He was looking at the scenery outside the window. A ray of sunshine shone on his face with a faint smile. He didn\’t care about what the little girl said. He just admired the morning. I couldn\’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Indeed, I don’t need to worry too much. Kerr doesn’t care so much about the outside world. He prefers to enjoy his own world. Ke\’er is in senior class and has already learned basic addition and subtraction, as well as a lot of words. When guests come to the house, I like to give him questions about math or literacy. Occasionally he would answer politely, but most of the time he would just smile lightly and walk away without answering. A kid of the same age from the same community came to my house as a guest and said to me: Auntie, I can recite Tang poetry now, please give me a test. I wrote a Tang poem, and she memorized it very well while shaking her head. I praised him and was about to walk away. She pulled me again and said: Auntie, I can recognize 200 characters now. If you don’t believe me, give me a test. I tested a few more words and she got them all correct. The little girl was very happy. Even happier than the little girl was Ke\’er\’s father. Ke\’er\’s father sat behind and watched with a smile, his eyes almost overflowing with envy. Compared to Ke\’er, this is a typical child from other people\’s families, too arrogant to their parents. After the little girl walked away, Ke\’er\’s father couldn\’t wait to tell Ke\’er: You know all the questions others ask you, why don\’t you answer them? Ke\’er said calmly: I just don\’t want to answer. At night, after the child fell asleep, Ke\’er\’s father couldn\’t restrain his desire to let the child make him look good. He said, \”Hey, Ke\’er is too introverted. He won\’t answer even if he knows how to do it. He doesn\’t like to express himself. He looks at others. That girl…\” I felt a lot of emotions when I heard that. How many parents in the world have such a desire. I was an introvert when I was a kid, even though I\’m less reticent now. I remember that when I was in the second grade of elementary school, I received the notice for the final exam at once. In addition to the grades, the notice also contained the comments of the class teacher for this school year. The comments for that time read: I study hard, listen carefully in class, and am willing to help my classmates, but I hope to be more lively in school in the future. After I received the notice, I was about to walk to the door of my house when I was stopped by a neighbor uncle who asked to see my notice. I reluctantly gave it to him. He opened it, looked at it, and said with a smile: Didn\’t you win first place? Still refused to take it out. Because he only read the scores and not the comments, I breathed a sigh of relief. I got home and gave the notice to my mother. My mother laughed at first, and then told me seriously: I should talk more in school in the future and learn to be cheerful. Only cheerful children are lovable. I walked away depressed. That whole day, even that winter vacation, that Spring Festival, I was immersed in these words and forgot the joy of winning first place.. The reason why I care about this sentence is because my mother cares. I never feel that I am unhappy or unhappy, I just don’t like to talk so much. Because my mother cares, she classifies this as her own shortcoming, even a flaw. In my comments during the past few years of elementary school, they always started with \”but\” and ended with \”I hope to be more lively and outgoing next semester.\” At one time I felt inferior because of this and envied other students who were naturally lively. I fantasize about being like them, but I don’t know how to become like that. This kind of low self-esteem is enough to cover up the self-confidence of excellent grades. Sometimes mom and dad talk about someone’s daughter: Oh, her mouth is so sweet and she really knows how to talk. That child is so adorable. I walked away silently, as if this was meant for me, why can\’t I be like that, talk like that, have such a sweet mouth. My mother has been guiding me to become outgoing. For example, when guests come to the house, I am always embarrassed to say hello to unfamiliar people. My mother is always there to urge me, gently at first, and then gradually becomes strict. My introverted personality once made my mother very disappointed in me. Even though I tried hard, I was never outgoing in my childhood, and instead I became more and more afraid to speak. I also want to satisfy my mother, but under that kind of pressure, the more eager I am, the less I know how to behave. When I grow up, I look back and realize how difficult and cruel it is to change a person\’s nature. I enjoy this introverted personality and enjoy the small and quiet world, but because of my efforts to change, I become unsociable and unhappy. When Ke\’er first entered kindergarten, when she met the guard or teacher, she always lowered her head and smiled lightly, and was too shy to say hello. When he arrived at the top class, Ke\’er also started to say hello, and the teacher said he had changed a lot. In the past two years or so, I have neither forced him nor urged him. I just greeted him and set an example for him. Once at the school gate, I saw a little girl being taught by her mother: Not saying hello to others is a sign of lack of education. I saw the little girl lowering her head desperately, with a wronged expression, just like the little me who had been there for decades. I feel sorry for this child and even want to hug her. When did introversion become so commonplace that it became uneducated? When Ke\’er was three years old, her sister was born. And my sister happens to be outgoing by nature, lively and talkative, and she is like a positive teaching material to my brother. Once I took my two-year-old sister to pick up Kerr from school. From the moment she entered the school gate, she met the guard, the cleaning lady, and the teacher. Everyone greeted them as if it was her home field. No need to teach. An aunt touched her head and said, this sister is really fun, much more cheerful than her brother. At this time, I quickly changed the subject. I was worried that Kerr would be uncomfortable hearing it. I know all too well the hurt of this contrast. There are guests at home, and my sister likes to show off. I wish I could sing all the songs I could sing, both in Chinese and English. The guests naturally praised me repeatedly, which made my grandparents feel so sweet to their hearts. After the guests leave, the grandparents will pick up the sister and praise her again, wishing they could give her an Oscar. Often at this time, Ke\’er would just read a book or play with toys by himself. He didn\’t mind that his sister was being praised by the stars. God is fairOn the other hand, when letting these children grow inwards, they are given the best protective coat – they enjoy their own hearts and are not so concerned about the reaction of the outside world. I have met the child of a colleague of mine, who is in second grade, twice. He has exactly the same character as Kerr, a little boy who enjoys quiet. A colleague complained to me in front of the child that his child was too introverted and planned to let him take a hosting class. Then take a leadership and organizational training class. Just when I was about to persuade someone, my colleague immediately said: In today\’s society, just good grades are useless. You also need to have high emotional intelligence, leadership, and organizational skills. They are both indispensable. Indeed, not to mention now, since ancient times, introverted children have always been less popular and have not received equal attention. Parents worry that their children will be disappointed if they do not receive attention and appreciation, so they urge their children to become outgoing as soon as possible. Oh, NO! Children who grow inward care more about their own hearts and enjoy their own world. They didn\’t need that much attention in the first place. And that attention is just what parents think their children need. Of course, there is also the small selfishness of letting the child give him a face. After becoming a mother, I don’t know who said the phrase “every child is a blank slate.” It’s pure nonsense. Apples like shade and oranges like sun, so one is in the north and the other is in the south. This is nature. Children are not a blank slate. Every child has his or her own personality. There are not so many methods for loving children. It is just about respecting the nature and giving a little guidance, which is the most simple way. Introverted children also have unique advantages, more sustained concentration, and a richer and more delicate inner world, so they like and enjoy being alone. They also need friends, but they don’t need so many. Three or two friends are enough. As for leadership and organizational skills, not everyone likes it and has to be a leader. Many people enjoy being small. This does not mean that introverts cannot achieve anything. Introverted children are more likely to achieve achievements in art, scientific research, etc. Of course, following yourself and being happy inside is a greater achievement, right? Please respect your children’s right to be introverted. God allows some children to grow inward, so don’t force them to grow outward.

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