Anea Bogue, a famous American educator and self-esteem expert, is also the mother of two girls. Her eldest daughter is in adolescence, and her younger daughter is just 7 years old. Before becoming an educator, she was a middle school teacher with 10 years of education experience. In order for her two daughters to grow up healthily, Anea took a self-study exam to become a nationally certified life coach and writer. She also founded a Real Girl seminar to discuss girls\’ self-growth. She published a book that caused a sensation in the American education industry, called 9 Ways We’re Screwing Up Our Girls and How We Can Stop: A Guide to Helping Girls Reach Their Highest Potential. Translated, it\’s \”9 Ways We\’re Ruining Our Daughters and How to Stop: A Guide to Helping Girls Realize Their Potential.\” In this book, she shared 7 [DO NOT] and listed 7 educational misunderstandings that are often ignored by parents. DO NOT – Teach her to be polite and keep quiet. We have grown up with the voices of \”girls need to be quiet\” and \”girls need to be polite\”, so we naturally pass this concept to our children and teach girls to be ladies. Be well-behaved, quiet and friendly. However, being dignified and polite is not the same as being silent and silent. In fact, most girls have been taught to be the latter, and their personalities have gradually become \”introverted\”. They dare not show themselves, let alone speak up for themselves. From the endless incidents of child abuse in kindergartens some time ago, to the high-profile school bullying incidents. Very few girls who encounter misfortune can talk to their parents for help as soon as possible. From not daring to raise their hands to speak in class to not daring to speak out about the grievances they have suffered, they are used to being patient and licking their wounds alone. All this comes from the message they received since childhood: You must learn to be well-behaved and avoid interacting with others. A conflict occurs. Even though we all want our daughter to be polite and polite, we need to tell her more: you can say no loudly when something makes you feel uncomfortable, you can speak loudly in class, or you can try your best to defend your point of view. You can say whatever you want or think. There is nothing wrong with inculcating the concepts of being well-behaved and friendly into a girl, provided that she has the ability to resist danger. DO NOT – Buy her gender-specific toys. Brenda Todd, a teacher at the University of London, conducted a street survey. He asked the same question to dozens of adults: \”If you were to buy a toy for a little boy or a little girl, what would you buy?\” All participants chose toys for boys such as racing cars and Lego. and various ball games, and toys for girls are dolls, kitchen models and pink teddy bears. This seems to be a consensus: girls’ toys are all about appearance and makeup, while boys’ toys are all about invention, exploration, and competition. Facebook COO Sandberg, in\”Lean In\” says: \”Some girls like superheroes and some girls like princesses; some boys like superheroes and some boys like princesses. So why do all girls have to buy pink stuff and all boys have to Buy other colors?\” Giving a girl brightly colored toys will only limit her abilities. What we need the child to master is a certain skill or trait that the toy brings to her, rather than labeling the toy as a gender and setting limits for your daughter. No one stipulates that girls can only play with pink dolls. She can also take risks and compete like all boys. In an environment of pure freedom, her personality is vivid and shining. DO NOT – The only praise for her is that I have read an article comparing Chinese and foreign education, and there is a small detail in it. In foreign countries, most parents are very resistant to their children being praised as \”good-looking\” and \”beautiful\” by others, especially their daughters. They feel that appearance is innate and does not deserve to be praised. Only acquired efforts should be praised. Cai Kangyong once said: \”We like to be praised for being smart rather than being praised for hard work; we like to be praised for being beautiful than being praised for being neat. We obviously believe that what we are born with is more satisfying than what we work hard to achieve.\” Appearance is very important, but what is more important is the girl’s inner self. When dealing with a little girl, if you just superficially compliment her appearance, then beauty is equivalent to a derogatory term. There is such a story. It is about a mother in the community. When someone compliments her daughter on how beautiful she is, she prepares three responses. When praised by her elders, she would reply: \”Nowadays, children are well-fed and well-dressed, and few of them are not beautiful.\” When praised by passers-by, she would imitate her daughter\’s tone: \”Thank you, aunt, because I am today She’s obedient, that’s why she’s beautiful!” When an acquaintance compliments her, she will say: “If you praise her any more, she will be proud. If one day she doesn’t look good, she will be sad.” Praising facts rather than personality is the correct way to praise girls. DO NOT – Raise her to become a member of the \”Princess Cult\”. There is a popular saying today that some girls are not destined to be princesses, but are raised to have \”princess disease\”. The \”princess education\” advocated by many parents is to unconditionally fulfill all the wishes of a girl, take care of all the trivial matters of the girl, and hold her in the palm of her hand like the apple of her eye. \”Princess culture\” is prevalent even among girls: when you are in trouble, there will always be a handsome and rich Prince Charming who will come out of the snow to save you and live happily ever after. You have to do There is only waiting. But in real life, princesses have seen the world and have real talents and learning. Princess Alexandra of Luxembourg can speak five languages, Princess Pauline of Monaco is a professional rhythmic gymnast and diver, and Princess Haiya of Jordan has a degree in political economics and philosophy from Oxford University and has also served as president of the International Equestrian Federation. Girls, you must have a sense of self-worth. You are not a princess in distress who is willing to wait for the prince to save you, but a warrior who has the courage to fight for yourself. If your daughter is a firm believer in princess culture, be sure to point out the heroine in the story for herThe amazing things that the horn has done: Cinderella fought against her stepmother by attending the ball, Snow White made very good helpers in the forest, Elsa was able to resist for herself… Tell her that you have your own value, no need Be attached to anyone. DO NOT – Dad does all the physical work at home. Arnie Berg said to mothers in the book, \”It may be easy to let strong fathers open cans and repair boards and machinery, but I dare Guaranteed, if you put your mind to it, you can do these things too”. It is very important for both parents to consciously challenge each other\’s gender division of labor in family activities. If all the hard work at home is left to the father or other men, it is easy for girls to think that women are inherently weaker than men, and that women should stay at home to support their husbands and raise children, rather than being the ones who can shoulder the burden themselves. Perhaps, mothers can also try to challenge those seemingly laborious tasks in front of their daughters, such as assembling wooden furniture, repairing fans, and replacing curtains. If you love your children, you must be willing to use them. When assigning housework, you can also ask your daughter to assist her father. During the process, let her understand that girls are not synonymous with being weak. She has the strength to cope with difficulties and can also respect those around her from the bottom of her heart. People who put in physical labor. Girls, you must affirm your own strength from the bottom of your heart, and only then can you give birth to love and joy. DO NOT – Only let her play with other girls. Some parents will often tell their daughters, \”Remember, you are a girl and you cannot play with boys all the time.\” If your daughter’s friends, whether in or out of school, were all girls and none of the opposite sex, would you feel at ease? In fact, whether a girl voluntarily plays with same-sex partners or not, playing with only same-sex partners will seriously affect her handling style and social communication skills. A certain study shows that girls who graduate from girls\’ schools, far from achieving anything beyond ordinary people, become more rigidly adherent to gender stereotypes. Her thinking will be limited, she will lack the ability to clearly recognize people when she grows up, and will be easily hurt in love. Child psychologists say that the most important responsibility of parents is to protect girls\’ true feelings and allow them to express all their emotions, rather than setting restrictions everywhere in the name of \”love.\” Girls need different playmates when they grow up, including boys and girls. It is important to help them grasp the sense of propriety in making friends. DO NOT – Criticize your own body or the bodies of other women. ABC News once reported that half of girls aged 3-6 are worried about being fat, and more than 70% of 12-year-old girls are dissatisfied with their appearance. Even on Douyin and Weibo, there are quite a few girls as young as a few years old giving tutorials on makeup and weight loss. (12-year-old girl live broadcasts weight loss and makeup) GIF (5-year-old girl gives makeup tutorial) If a mother complains about her or other women’s figures in front of their children, especially in front of their daughters, they will convey to their children that “beauty comes from the fit of clothes.” Or how light you weigh” misconceptions. Discussing how to lose weight and how to fit into a pair of small jeans will make girls feel that they must stay in good shape.Talent can be judged as good-looking and successful. But the truth is that only by reading, thinking, and learning can girls win a respectful and meaningful life. Berg said: \”The key point is that we must first set an example by ourselves in what we want our daughters to do.\” Every day starts with healthy eating and aerobic exercise, telling her daughter that health is the capital of life, and she must not develop physical requirements into Excessive body criticism. When the time is right, take your daughter to read picture books, go on trips, and see the world. This is what a girl should be like.