When I first entered kindergarten, the teacher mentioned a behavior of classmate Zhe. In coloring class, the teacher would praise other children for their good drawings. Student Zhe would often ask: \”Teacher, am I good at painting?\” . Seeing that most of his classmates had notified him, he was in a low mood and even had a little tantrum. When he saw me after school, he said, \”I\’m not happy.\” This child, who was very emotional, had everything on his face and on his lips that was clearly on his mind. I explained to him for a long time why others sent notices but he didn\’t, but his bad mood continued for nearly an hour. Once, three children went to the zoo to play together. I only brought two pieces of cheese. Classmate Zhe ate one and gave the other to a friend. The other friend got yogurt – something different from what others got, and she became unhappy. The reason why children feel disappointed because they are not praised, and feel sad because they don’t get something or what they get is different, the hidden psychology is mostly: not being taken seriously and not being accepted. This kind of perception will not cause much psychological harm once in a while, but if it is too frequent, it will make the child sensitive, suspicious, unconfident and even give up on himself. There are three reasons for this perception: – It is the nature of children to express their emotions directly; – Being overly concerned at home, more than 90% of their needs will be met; – There are good things at home. , only given to children, so that children feel that \”all good things should be mine\”; – excessive praise, but little encouragement. When children show similar emotions, we\’d better pay attention to cultivating children\’s frustration quotient and growth mindset. If the baby becomes angry, loses his temper, cries, or acts out because of excessive attention, the mother and family members should pay attention to avoid spoiling – not spoiling does not mean getting angry, yelling, or threatening, but Say \”no\” to your child as calmly as possible. For example, one time I picked up my classmate Zhe after school and he insisted on buying a ball. I explained to him that I had no budget and we already had four or five balls at home. But he only focused on the present, the present, and kept stubbornly squatting there and asking the aunt selling things: \”Can I touch it?\” The aunt was kind and said yes. I just kept squatting there with him to play with the ball. All the kindergarten children were gone. I asked him again: \”Shall we leave? Or should you tell us a time and let\’s leave in five or ten minutes?\” Student Zhe started crying when he saw it. It really didn\’t work, so he followed me and left angrily. If a child enjoys privileges at home and is often frustrated at school because others receive rewards or praise – almost all families do not do well in this regard. reason? Naturally, the children are taken care of by the elderly and their parents. When the parents are strict, the elderly will stand up to protect them; when the parents want to share good things with everyone, the old people are often reluctant to part with them, and even say: \”Good things belong to the baby.\” \”Over time, under the pampering of grandparents or grandparents, children think that they deserve more: what is mine is mine, and what others have, I want more. Grandparents and grandparents often give valuable things to their children. I can’t say clearly that this is not good, but I would suggest everyone share it. Grandma often says: \”I alwaysI don\’t eat anymore when I\’m older, just eat it with Zhe Zhe. \”And when a child enters kindergarten, the teacher treats all children equally. If the child performs well, he will encourage and praise it; if the child performs poorly, he will criticize and educate him. It is common for many stars to praise him at home, but not to be noticed at school, and there is a natural psychological gap. Larger. When it comes to excessive praise but little encouragement, most people are going to faint. Before explaining the difference between the two, let’s share these two concepts – Frustration Quotient: a person’s ability to resolve and overcome setbacks. Growth Fixed thinking: When encountering difficulties, instead of getting angry, frustrated, or giving up, you use all resources, actively analyze mistakes, and constantly try new ways to solve problems. (The corresponding fixed thinking: when encountering difficulties, choose to retreat, self-centered, Give up.) The lower a child’s frustration quotient is, the further away from a growth mindset they are; and the child is unwilling to face failure. The fundamental reasons are: first, too much praise and too little encouragement; second, the parents’ goal orientation is too clear and they ignore Let the children enjoy the guidance of the process of doing things. Think about it, when are our parents the happiest in terms of study? My father is more open-minded and doesn’t care much about my scores, but my mother is extremely sensitive to my scores. Hundreds of times, she would say angrily, \”Only for this test, are you worthy of me working so hard for you to go to school?\” \”Look at who I am, no one in my family is a teacher, and I got 100 in math!\” Why don\’t you ask your dad if you don\’t understand? \”The results are good, the adults are happy, and we are happy because the adults are happy. The correct cause and effect relationship should be that children are happy to learn, and parents are happy – Affected by the social environment, we attach too much importance to gains and losses, successes and failures, and good things. Taking bad results too seriously. When Zhe was about 2 years old, a friend came to my house and I was playing poker with him. I \”lost\” and pretended to cry. Subconsciously, I felt that losing was dishonorable and dishonorable. Good results. When my friend saw my performance, he picked up classmate Zhe and said to him and me: \”It doesn\’t matter if you lose, right?\” Anyway, we can try again, maybe we will win next time! We Zhezhe don’t cry! \”I began to reflect on my usual guidance methods and the difference between praise and encouragement; and Mr. Zhe remembered a sentence: It doesn\’t matter whether he wins or loses. If Mr. Zhe builds the building blocks well, I will say, \”This time is better than last time.\” \”Ride higher\” instead of saying \”Baby, you are so great, ride so high!\” as before. \”When he loses his temper because the building is not good, I will say, \”Look, there is an extra door this time. Let\’s think about how we can build it higher.\” Instead of saying, \”It\’s okay, baby, don\’t be in a hurry.\”; Tu Because of the late development of fine motor skills, when other children can paint inside the circle but he keeps painting out the edges, he will think of giving up: \”Mom, paint it for me, but I can\’t.\” \”In the past, I would say: \”I believe it can be done, baby!\” \”Now I will say: \”Let\’s try to only paint the middle first, will it stop coming out? \”When he only paints the central part and is accurate, guide him to expand outward and help him rebuild his confidence little by little. For example, when shooting, every time he made a basket, I would say: \”Wow, that\’s great, another shot.\” . \”Now I will say: \”I have improved again. Last time I scored one goal in five shots, but this time I scored in only three shots.\” \”for example,In the past, every time I tried on new clothes, I would say how beautiful they looked! And he also has a habit of asking me if I look good. If I tell him bad things, he will feel depressed. Now, I will first ask: \”Do you think it looks good? The clothes are from Zhezhe, and they look good if Zhezhe thinks they look good; just like you think your mother\’s clothes don\’t look good, but the mother thinks they look good.\” In babies, it\’s similar to There are many things. To put it simply, praise tends to be more about affirmation of results, while encouragement is more about affirmation of children’s efforts and progress, allowing them to enjoy the process of things, stimulating their inner potential, and cultivating their self-affirmation. , the ability of self-motivation, gradually allowing them to form a growth mindset, forming a more optimistic, positive, and upward good character and high reverse quotient.