I finally had time to watch \”The Deep\”. There were only two people in the huge theater: me and an uncle sitting in the last row. As expected, I cried from beginning to end. Fortunately, my uncle sat far away, otherwise he might have been frightened by me and thought I was Rigel. I think everyone who cried after watching the film will see the shadow of Rigel in themselves. The film also offers us as parents an opportunity to reflect: Are we turning our children into Rigellians? 1. Every child has the potential to become Rigel. Rigel in the movie is always unhappy, cautious, taciturn, lonely and introverted. Even though I am deeply depressed, I still force myself to smile in order to cater to others. Why is Rigel like this? The answer is given at the end of the film: the parents divorced and remarried each other. Rigel became the extra existence outside the two families. My father loves his stepmother and younger brother, and my mother, who misses her so much, also sent a WeChat message to tell Rigel: Don’t always send messages when you have nothing to do. It’s not convenient for me now. The father does not care for the mother, and the helpless Rigel grows up alone in this gap, becoming a \”bunch of bad luck\” that is despised and ostracized by everyone. An unsound family structure and a family atmosphere lacking love and attention are the main causes of Rigel\’s depressive personality. Teacher Chen Mo, an expert in child and adolescent psychological education, once said: Different temperaments, family upbringing models and atmosphere will profoundly affect the personality development of young children. The family environment is the first soil for children to grow (followed by school and society). What kind of soil will produce what kind of children. Families with parents who are high-pressure, insistent, and lack flexibility will most likely produce children who are submissive, cautious, have no independent opinions, and have a low sense of value. A family with irritable and moody parents and chaotic upbringing rules will most likely produce children who are also irritable, paranoid and moody. Families where parents often quarrel and blame each other are likely to produce children who are indifferent, have low self-esteem, and lack a sense of security. Every child who becomes Rigel is the bitter fruit of a bad family environment. Many parents may feel aggrieved. They work hard to make money, isn\’t it just to create a good growing environment for their children? Go to the best schools, hire the best tutors, enroll in enough interest classes, buy books and toys, attend study camps, travel thousands of miles to read thousands of books, have food and clothing, all of which are inseparable from material support. . However, a good family environment does not completely equal material wealth. At least in today\’s era of fierce competition and full of involution, the content contained in the family environment must be tilted towards children\’s mental health, personality development, life education and other fields. Because mental health problems among teenagers are getting worse. The \”2022 National Depression Blue Book\” released a set of data: patients with depression under the age of 18 account for 30% of the total population, and the prevalence of depression among teenagers has reached 15% to 20%. Rigel in the film is a depressed patient who was not taken seriously, and finally committed suicide by jumping into the sea. What kind of family environment can grow physically and mentally healthy children? Teacher Chen Mo believes that family education must meet three levels: the first level is food, clothing, housing and transportation, which parents can basically satisfy their children; the second level is spiritual life, which requires parents to have enough reading,Art appreciation, don’t focus your anxiety on learning. The third level is soul life, which requires parents to improve their life level. To satisfy these three levels, parents must continue to learn, improve their cognition, and replace “I” with knowledge. That’s how you grew up” empiricism. We will act within our capabilities in terms of material supply and go all out in terms of spiritual guidance. Only by allowing children to grow up in a relatively harmonious, relaxed, tolerant and happy family environment can we prevent them from becoming \”Rigel\”. 2. A child\’s \”South River\” is first his parents, and then he is himself. In the film, the psychiatrist told Rigel\’s father that Rigel suffered from depression. The father disapprovingly told Rigel: It\’s depression, just be happy. If there is a problem, it must be the child\’s own problem. Since it is his own problem, he must rely on his own strength to solve it. Many parents hold the view that children seeking help from their parents are not independent enough. A parent said in our family education community: My child has a bad attitude towards learning, doesn’t like to study, and his writing is crooked. He complains of being tired after being unable to write a few words and doesn’t want to write anymore. Another parent echoed: My child is the same. For something as simple as writing numbers, and the strokes are not complicated, he just says he can’t write, which is like a scumbag imitating him. Such complaints abound, and the problem must be attributed to the child himself, rather than other factors. They will not consider that the child\’s difficulty in writing homework is related to factors such as hand muscle strength, cognitive level, homework intensity, homework skills, etc., and naturally they will not provide effective help. In the end, it was a stranger named \”Nan He\” who helped Rigel break through the darkness. Because Nan He\’s external force was warm and firm enough, Rigel was able to burst out with strong internal power. In a certain sense, \”Nanhe\” represents a kind of firm spiritual support and strong inner motivation. Children\’s \”Nanhe\” is first given by their parents, and secondly developed by themselves. \”Psychological Development\” writes: The relationship between parents and children in the matter of growth and education is a \”cooperative relationship\”, which is divided into four stages: the first stage: 0-6 years old, hand-in-hand; the second stage: 6 -12 years old, let’s go together. The third stage: 12-18 years old, let go. The fourth stage: after adulthood, watch him go through the four stages. The four stages are progressive. You want the child to support himself and rely on himself. In order to use their strength to solve difficulties and reach the stage of \”let go and watch him go\”, parents must first lay the foundation for the two stages of \”holding hands and walking together\”. Just like teaching a child to ride a bicycle, we would not directly say to a four or five-year-old child: This is a bicycle, you can learn to ride it yourself. We would hold her for a little while and then let her go when we had the chance. The popular children\’s picture book writer Miyanishi Tatsuya has created a picture book with the theme of \”accompanying and growing up\”. The book is called: \”Little Pig, Stop Crying\”. It tells the story of a fragile little pig who always loves to cry. A story about a pig, who gradually becomes stronger with the help of a tree. In this story, the little pig always cries alone in a place where no one is around, probably because the big pigs cannot accept \”crying\”. Crying represents vulnerability. The tree is the only one that sympathizes with and understands the little pig. When the little pig cries, the tree alsoI cried along with the feeling, until one day, the trees dropped their leaves and covered the little pig sleeping in the snow to prevent the little pig from freezing. Later, spring came, and although the tree grew leaves again, it never spoke or cried again, and the little pig stopped crying. This change shows that the piggy\’s heart has become stronger with the company of the tree. That tree is the \”South River\” for Little Pig. We have the same mission as that tree, to be the \”South River\” for our children. How to become a child’s “Nanhe”? Parents need to do two things: 1. Emotional support \”Child, what difficulties have you encountered?\” \”What can I help you do?\” \”Do you need my help?\”, similar expressions of support , can make children feel more relaxed and firm. When encountering difficulties that cannot be solved, they will not attack themselves and think that they are \”not good enough\” or \”too weak\”. 2. Methodological support: Based on the child\’s current level, the task is downgraded to a level of difficulty that the child can reach by standing on tiptoes, just like building scaffolding. The parents catch one, and the children step on one to reach the other, gradually improving their abilities. Parents have love in their hearts and skills in their hearts. This model is more conducive to stimulating children\’s inner motivation. British psychoanalyst Winnicott once said: Home is where we start. Children must confirm that they can go home at any time before they can move forward with peace of mind. If the home is warm and stable, the parents can be relied on, and the children can go home at any time, I hope we can all do that.