• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

Watch Liu Tao\’s 3-step solution to fights between children, which can be called a parenting textbook

After many parents have children, they pay special attention to all aspects of other children\’s lives. In particular, the highlights of each episode of celebrity parent-child programs will become the focus of discussion among parents. The recently released \”Cute Pets\” successfully captured the attention of countless parents in front of the TV by using the mash-up of cute pets and cute babies. It is said that \”two of the most difficult species in history\” come together, and this day\’s life is not only fun but also \”chaos\”. Playing among children inevitably involves bumps and quarrels. Many people are troubled by their children\’s quarrels and don\’t know how to solve them. I often hear a lot of parents complaining at school gates and cram schools: \”Why is it so difficult to educate children?\” ? When two children are arguing, should I intervene? Who should I help?\” I recently saw Liu Tao mediating a quarrel between two children on the show \”Cute Little Adults\” and found that her handling of this issue was a textbook. One afternoon, Taylor and Zheng Ziqi had an argument for some unknown reason. Deputy Director Zeng Shunxi arrived after hearing the news and found that Taylor and Zheng Ziqi were arguing, both of them were very emotional and had red eyes. Under Zeng Shunxi\’s inquiry, Taylor was so angry that he took the lead in accusing Zheng Ziqi of destroying his castle and refusing to return the magic wand he gave to Zheng Ziqi. He also claimed that the magic wand was his, while Zheng Ziqi looked aggrieved and cried. Said: \”He hit me.\” (The one in yellow clothes on the left is Taylor, and the one in purple clothes on the right is Zheng Ziqi) Then Liu Tao arrived. In order to deal with this dispute, Liu Tao did three things: First, she did not accuse them of fighting like many parents did, but based on understanding the real reason for Taylor\’s anger. It turned out that Taylor was holding back anger because his dog Xiaodouzi was disobedient in the morning, so Liu Tao first tried his best to calm Zheng Ziqi\’s emotions, allowing Taylor to vent his anger, and patiently waiting for their emotions to gradually calm down. In order to resolve the conflict between the two children. Liu Tao did the second thing. She went to the program team to watch the complete video. After that, she fell into deep thought and decided to check the children\’s emotions first to see if they were suitable for reconciliation. Liu Tao obtained Taylor\’s permission and entered the room to ask Taylor about the cause of the matter, hoping to help Taylor realize his mistakes. However, Liu Tao soon discovered that all Taylor\’s words were to help his position and even lied. However, Liu Tao did not expose Taylor on the spot. She did the third thing. Liu Tao took Taylor to the video room to watch the video of her fight with Zheng Ziqi. While holding Taylor, Liu Tao stood in Taylor\’s perspective and helped him analyze his problems. Under Liu Tao\’s guidance, Taylor also deeply realized his mistakes and promised to be a good brother. In the process of handling this matter, Liu Tao first found out the real reason why the children were fighting, and then patiently enlightened them from each other\’s perspective. After discovering the problem, he corrected and guided it in time. Every step was done appropriately and it is worth learning from parents. . Children\’s world has its own set of communication rules. In fact, many friendships between children are formed through friction. \”No friendship can be made without fighting.\” It is normal for children to fight or have conflicts during games. This is an exchangeThe process of making rules is the process of children growing up. This is how every adult of us comes. Children often quarrel or even fight over trivial things: a toy, a piece of cake, or an out-of-bounds behavior. \”I saw this toy first.\” \”It\’s mine. I got it first!\” \”You have so many, so I only got a little bit.\” \”You\’ve been watching TV for a long time, and it\’s your turn to watch my cartoons. \”I think these situations are very common situations that every parent will encounter. In fact, there are generally three main reasons for quarrels among children: Children are the sun and the master at home. Most of today\’s children are only children. He has been cared for since he was a child and lives in a relatively obedient world. Due to the doting in the family, children have a \”self-centered\” psychological state. Not only at home, but also in other public places, they only care about their own feelings and arbitrarily seize other people\’s toys, causing quarrels. Children have strong imitation ability and poor ability to distinguish right from wrong. Children\’s thoughts are easily influenced by adults and television. For example, parents at home like to quarrel, children like to watch Oddiman, and when playing games, children like to play the righteous side to defeat the bad guys. It is easy for them to play fighting movies on TV. Form the child\’s bad character of being overbearing and rude. Some parents are afraid that their children will get into trouble when they go out, so they often let their children stay indoors and watch TV. The violent scenes on TV undoubtedly provide examples for young children, causing them to imitate and learn the behavior of quarreling without knowing it. Children don’t have enough persuasive skills. When children insist on correct behavioral rules but are unable to persuade the other party, they adopt inappropriate handling methods, which can easily lead to quarrels. Children\’s ability to think is still very weak. When they cannot convince the other party, they sometimes resort to force out of anxiety. Parents behind children’s quarrels In fact, it is a very common thing for children to have disputes. But parents are usually very nervous, fearing that their children will suffer. Due to lack of experience and correct teaching methods, wrong negative emotions and incorrect values ​​are often passed on to children when handling disputes, which aggravates children\’s fear or domineering. In recent years, there have been more and more cases in society of parents handling disputes with their children in incorrect ways. On August 28, 2017, at the Sichuan Jiangwanda Ocean Arena, a dispute broke out between two children while they were playing. The parents of both parties got into a quarrel, grabbed each other, and then fought together. One of the women\’s clothes was worn during the struggle. The clothes were torn, and the scene was chaotic and intense, which was really eye-catching. On June 29, 2017, Yang went to Simao No. 2 Primary School to pick up his son from school. His son told Yang that someone was bullying him at school. Yang was so angry that he found the bully Huang (first grade primary school student) and beat him. Parent Yang not only pushed Huang to the ground, but also kicked the child on the head. There was a big bump on the head, the nose was bleeding, and the face was bruised and swollen. The child was so frightened that he peed on the spot… like this There are many, many more examples. The famous mental health educator Liang Yonghong once said about this kind of social phenomenon that children generally do not have too many conflicts. If they are handled calmly, many things will not escalate. But if there is a conflict in front of the children, will cause a shadow to the child. The child who is beaten will have a shadow, and the one who beats will also leave hidden dangers, which may make him prefer force and strength to solve problems in the future. How to calm down children’s wars It is impossible for children to be “united and loving” all the time, and quarrels are inevitable in the process of getting along. If adults interfere too much, it often worsens the situation. If you want your children to make more friends and get along well with each other, parents can start from the following points: 1. Pay more attention to the psychological needs of their children. Let children feel the warmth of the family at all times, increase their self-confidence, dissipate loneliness, and prevent them from venting their unhappy emotions to other children. Some children target other children often out of jealousy. 2. Try to let children solve problems independently. Usually when parents intervene in children\’s disputes, the children will argue loudly more frequently to seek help from adults, increasing the children\’s dependence on adults. Because they know they are weak and need your help to gain strength and recognition. 3. Give your child time to think calmly. If both children are emotionally agitated, do not immediately judge right and wrong. Be sure to wait for the children to calm down before discussing solutions to the problem. Allow children to take turns expressing their thoughts. At this time, you must actively show your trust in your child, and express your appreciation and affirmation for your child\’s proactive admission of mistakes. You must not blindly blame. 4. Give your child positive attention. If you want your children to get along harmoniously with each other, then you must always pay attention to your children\’s words and deeds, and give more positive praise in a timely manner once your children show good behavior. For example, \”You are great for sharing toys with children!\” \”You like to eat pudding, but you didn\’t grab it, you are really polite\” and so on. When children are praised, they know that these actions are worthy of praise, and other children will see it as a good example and imitate their good conduct. 5. Let your children talk about their opinions about their friends. Sometimes children run home and tell you about the shortcomings of other children, mainly because they want their parents to feel that they are excellent and well-behaved. This is a very common phenomenon, but if a child frequently speaks ill of other children, parents need to guide them correctly. They can let the child talk about the advantages of other children instead of focusing on the shortcomings. The last thing to say is that in all public places, children may encounter such things. We take our children to play not just for fun, but also for them to have opportunities to interact with other children and develop their social skills. Remember, don\’t sublimate conflicts between children into a war between parents. This will only help the children \”intensify\” the conflicts rather than solve the problems.

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