• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

What are the signs of low self-esteem in children?


Oct 1, 2023

A parent asked me, why does the child have low self-esteem at such a young age? In fact, inferiority complex is a manifestation of low self-esteem. He cannot see his own value and is worried that others will not respect him. Low self-esteem is mainly due to frustration or inappropriate family education, which leads to cognitive deviations in children\’s views of themselves. Children with low self-esteem will show it in their language. They usually like to say the following four sentences. 1: Four mantras for low self-esteem. If a child likes to say these four sentences, it shows that he has low self-esteem deep down. Parents should pay more attention to this. ① Children with low self-esteem who have \”I can\’t do it\” generally have a low evaluation of themselves. As a result, when faced with difficulties or challenges, they always feel that they can\’t do it or that it is impossible to complete. Therefore, they often say \”I can\’t do it, I can\’t do it\”. A friend who is a teacher told me that there was a child in her class who clearly wrote very well, with beautiful language and fluent prose. But as soon as she was asked to participate in the competition, she flinched and said, \”Teacher, I can\’t write well and everyone will laugh at me.\” When she was asked to run for class cadre, she shook her head like a rattle, feeling that others were more qualified. Chatting with her, her friends pointed out her advantages one by one and said that she can do many things. After the girl accepted her own advantages, she immediately said: \”Although this is the case, I really can\’t do it well.\” The friend was very puzzled, how could this child be like this? She\’s obviously not bad, but she feels like she can\’t do anything. It really makes people anxious, and I don\’t know how to use strength to pull her back. Psychologist Adler believes that saying \”yes…but\” is a manifestation of a particularly strong sense of inferiority. Although the child knows that he is indeed good in some aspects, he just feels that he is not good enough and not worth mentioning. Because of this kind of thinking, children will always live in denial. Even if they have opportunities in the future, they will easily miss them. ② \”I don\’t deserve it.\” Although children won\’t say every day, \”Mom, I don\’t deserve it.\” But his actual actions may tell you all the time that I am not worthy and do not deserve it. The biggest characteristic of such children is to give up on their own initiative. Some people compete for toys, but even if they want to play with them, they endure the grievance and give up; when playing with a group of children, they will not take the initiative to integrate, but may wait for others to invite them; when they see something they like, if their parents do not agree with it, they will give up immediately. . A child who always gives up voluntarily will feel that he is not worthy of the relationship if the other person is superior when he grows up, and thus withdraw. In terms of consumption, he is willing to buy things for his family, but he feels guilty when buying things for himself because he feels that he does not deserve them. In terms of interpersonal relationships, helping others does not require anything in return. But if others help him, he will feel that he owes others a huge favor and will feel uneasy. Children with a low sense of deservingness will also have a low sense of happiness in the future and will be easily wronged. ③ \”Everyone is looking at me\” There is a child in a relative\’s house. Whenever guests come to the house, even if they are relatively familiar people, she will quickly hide in the room and dare not come out. Only after getting along for a while did she dare to slowly come into contact with everyone. Every time her mother sees this situation, she hates it: \”Why are you hiding? Do you think everyone is here to see you?? \”What the mother doesn\’t know is that a child with a strong sense of inferiority really thinks that others are looking at him, paying attention to him, and talking about him at any time. If he makes a small mistake in public, he will feel that the sky is falling, and everyone will definitely He laughs at him privately and always feels that he is such a bad person. Moreover, his mood is easily affected by other people. A look or a word from others can make him sad for a long time. ④ \”I dare not argue\” Inferiority complex A strong child is afraid of conflicts. Even if someone asks him for help, even if he is not happy, he will still not refuse. Because rejecting people will make him feel that others will dislike me, have opinions about me, and make things difficult for me in the future? A person\’s self-confidence almost only comes from the approval of others. Once others do not agree, he will be depressed and deeply trapped in a sense of inferiority. Must-read parenting books for parents recommend The Secret of Childhood, super clear reading pdf 2: A few good habits to cultivate strong Confidence Wilson once used a very interesting metaphor to describe self-confidence – it is a weak and thin thread that is easy to break; but when you are discouraged, it can throw you high into the sky and regain your life. Confidence The heart is indeed like a weak and thin thread. If you want to develop strong self-confidence, you need to accumulate it over time. But if a person\’s self-confidence is undermined, it may only take one thing or a setback. Because these experiences will change us The thinking mode forms a fearful psychological state. The book \”The Awakening of Confidence\” introduces several habits to cultivate self-confidence, which we can do with our children. ① Always use \”present tense\” instead of \”future tense\” To affirm yourself, for example, when a child is afraid, he may say, I will try again next time, I will definitely become brave in the future, and I will not be afraid in the future. Stop it! Please change the tense of nothingness in the future to opportunities that can be grasped now. We can also encourage children in this way: I can try it now, I am brave now, I am excellent now! Only by affirming yourself in the present tense can you gain courage and make yourself stronger at the moment. ② It is definitely needed, What does the phrase \”not unnecessary\” mean? For example, if you are playing a game, you are looking at another person. Whoever laughs first loses. So you keep telling yourself in your mind: don\’t laugh, don\’t laugh, don\’t laugh. …But what will be the result? All you can think about is laughing, right? So, unable to hold it in anymore, you finally burst out laughing. Because your mind has been focusing on things you don’t need, and it comes naturally It will attract most of your attention and get the opposite effect. So when we teach children to affirm themselves, we must also affirm what they need. For example: Saying that I am becoming more and more diligent does not say that I will never be lazy again. It is said that I am becoming more and more brave, but it is not said that I am no longer timid. It is said that I am becoming more and more confident, but it is not said that I am no longer inferior to myself. When these positive and needed things are always in my mind, the child Slowly, you will be influenced by suggestions and keep changing in the direction you want. ③The shorter the words, the better. I used to read the book \”Psychological Suggestion Power\” and followed the method in it to make positive suggestions. Later I discovered , the shorter the suggested words, the better the effect. For example, a simple sentence \”Come on, I can do it!\” \”, winPassed numerous lengthy sentences. When a child wants to retreat when faced with a difficult situation, you might as well ask him to give himself a simple and powerful hint: Come on, I am great! Come on, I can do it! Come on, I can do it! Self-affirmation means improving your evaluation of yourself and finding confidence in yourself. Confidence is like a living spring in our hearts. Only when a steady stream of spring water flows in, will our hearts become more vibrant and our sense of happiness stronger. I hope every child can be confident and welcome every day happily~

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