\”I asked you to turn off the TV, are you deaf?\” \”How many times have you done this question and you still get it wrong? Forget it because you are so stupid!\” \”What evil did I do in my previous life? I gave birth to you to torture me!\” \”… Every night at eight o\’clock, such a sound will sound from next door on time. I asked my neighbor\’s mother before, if you always yell at your child like this, aren\’t you worried about his psychological problems? But she said: \”My child is very cheeky. Every time he yells, he still smiles the next day, and he can be obedient for several days.\” The mother seemed to have mastered the \”magic weapon\” to control the child, with a proud look on her face, and I I felt embarrassed and sad after hearing this. I once yelled at my son like this. After each yelling, my son didn\’t say a word, didn\’t cry, didn\’t make a fuss, and became more obedient, so I never took it to heart. It wasn\’t until one day when I saw in my son\’s essay the whole process of me yelling at him and his inner struggle that I realized how miserable I had been and how helpless my son was. I am reminded of what senior international journalist Zhou Yijun said: The brains of children who were yelled at are severely \”damaged\”, and the reasons behind this have alarmed millions of Chinese families… \”I traveled around the country, and the most important inspiration I got is to control yourself in front of your children.\” Emotions. Because once the emotions burst out, no matter how many apologies you say later, it will be useless. You can see that he is silent, but actually there are many things in his heart.\” After the child was yelled, what was he thinking in his heart? After reading today’s article, I hope you can hug that child you yelled at once more when you go back. \”Did Mom and Dad not love me anymore?\” Actor Xiao Tao Hong once shared an experience of yelling at her children on the show: Once before going out, her daughter accidentally spilled the milk on the table. She rushed up and pointed at her daughter. He yelled, \”What\’s wrong with you?\” The daughter immediately trembled and froze, looking at her with fear in her eyes, saying nothing, and even forgetting to cry. Her daughter\’s expression instantly made her realize that she was wrong. When she later walked over and hugged her daughter, her daughter felt safe and cried loudly. Professor Li Meijin once said: \”When parents get angry, children\’s fear is like being cornered by a few tigers.\” Most of them are thinking: Mom must not love me anymore! She got angry at me again, poking my head with her fingers from time to time, trying to eat me like a \”monster\”! I\’m so scared. How can I stop my mother from being angry? We always say that parents love their children, but in fact, children love us more and crave our love more. If you yell at your child, he will not stop loving you, but he will live in fear of not being loved. Becoming obedient is just a way for him to \”woo\” you. You want to make sure that as long as he is obedient, you will still love him and will not hate or abandon him. “Why am I so bad?” An anonymous netizen shared on Zhihu, which is touching: “My father has a very bad temper and often yells at me for no reason. Being yelled at makes me very sensitive in the long run. Once the attitude of others changes, I start to reflect on whether I have done well enough and feel that I am always inferior to others and unworthy of love.\” There are only children in this world, no matter how youNo matter how much you yell or scold, it won\’t affect him to love you or stick to you, but he will give up loving himself! When parents often yell and scold their children, the child\’s intuitive feeling is actually: I can\’t do it, I\’m wrong, I\’m bad. They will become less and less confident, dare not express themselves, dare not refute, and suffer in silence when they are wronged. In the movie \”You Are a Good Boy\”, Ayin is such an existence. She likes to sing, but she only moves her mouth and dare not make a real sound; when someone snatches her stroller, she does not dare to defend herself; when a bowl is broken, she hugs her head and cries in fear. Words may seem harmless, but sometimes they can become a deadly weapon. When children hear those hurtful words, 80% of them will become angry and resist, but their targets are often not directed at their parents, but at themselves. \”What is she saying? Why can\’t I hear anything?\” There is a classic German picture book \”The Mother Who Yells When Angry\”, which vividly depicts the inner world of a child after being yelled at. When they were yelled at, their hearts were already torn apart and their brains were basically in a blank state. In this case, his body instinctively produces a self-protection mechanism and cannot receive information from his parents at all, let alone think about his own behavior and make changes? The longer time goes by, the more I am yelled at, the more numb I become, and I even develop an immunity against yelling. Parents mistakenly believe that yelling once or twice does not work, and they start to raise their voice and become more aggressive. In fact, the child\’s heart has long been closed and cannot hear your voice. Teacher Fan Deng once explained this situation: \”Some children don\’t react when you see them. In fact, the children don\’t know how to deal with the injury, so they suppress it into their subconscious.\” Under the seemingly uncaring appearance, it is actually Deep \”self-anesthesia\”. \”If you can\’t afford to offend, I can hide!\” Some children have become accustomed to it and simply break the jar and smash it. Although they are full of dissatisfaction, they are too lazy to refute. In order to let the yelling and scolding pass quickly, they chose to give in temporarily, but in fact they did not really realize the problem. There is a term in psychology called \”over-limit effect\”, which refers to a phenomenon in which continuous and high stimulation causes extreme psychological impatience, resulting in rebellious psychology. The simplest and most direct reaction is to automatically block this \”noise\”. On the surface, you don\’t speak or resist, but on the inside you are resistant and closed. He said \”Okay, okay\”, but the subtext was \”You are my mother, I can\’t afford to offend you, but I can afford to hide\”. Over time, it is easy to develop a character of low self-esteem and cowardice, evading and shirking responsibility when encountering problems; or becoming arrogant and unable to listen to anyone\’s opinions and suggestions. This is the case for my friend Xiao Min. She grew up with her father scolding her. After working, she does things submissively; whenever she encounters a problem, she avoids or shirks it; when her boss gives her suggestions for improvement, she responds on the surface, but curses crazily in private. People who have been in contact with her say: \”This person is not bad, but he is not worthy of trust.\” As an old saying goes, every flaw in a child\’s character is actually the root of his childhood. Children who live under yelling and scolding are like birds with broken wings. They appear to be normal, but they are still incomplete and unable to fly. \”Besides yelling at me, what else will you do?\” Fan Deng once said: \”After a child is yelled at,The reason why we can be reconciled with you is not because your education methods are more effective, but because the children love us far more than we love the children. Children\’s attachment to their parents is absolutely natural. \”When you yell at your child, you are actually betting on your parent-child relationship. If you win, you will consume the child\’s respect and trust; if you lose, you will also lose your authority and influence in front of the child. Previous paragraph Time, a netizen left a message that touched my heart: Her son is 12 years old this year, and she couldn’t help but yell at her son yesterday because she asked her son to blow his hair before going to bed, but his son refused to listen. She was worried that his son would catch a cold. When he got anxious, he came up and yelled at the child. In the past, after being yelled at, the child would obey and do what she wanted without any dissatisfaction. However, after being yelled at this time, the son remained silent and continued. She ignored her for several weeks. She wanted to question her, so she couldn\’t help but yell at her child. Unexpectedly, her son said: \”What do you want from me? It\’s not okay to talk back, and it\’s not okay to not talk. You do nothing but yell at me every day.\” , what else will you do? \”A sentence that struck a chord in his heart. Only then did he realize that he was already so worthless in the hearts of his children. When the children are still young, when we lose our temper, the children will not feel that it is their parents\’ fault, but will feel it in their hearts. We blame ourselves and feel that it is our fault that makes us angry; but after entering adolescence, parents’ yelling and scolding will arouse their dissatisfaction. Every time you yell at them, your image will be reduced by ten points. Finally, Even the trust you have will be worn away. Therefore, if you yell at your children, you will only lose face, and in the end you will only get ridicule from your children for your incompetence. \”If you don\’t let me do it, I will do it!\” \”Some children with strong psychology, when faced with the yelling and scolding of their parents, although they don\’t say it with their mouths, they are secretly fighting in their hearts. Such children often do whatever their parents object to; the more their parents don\’t want something, the more they will do it. They want to live a life that their parents hate. In short, they will take back their own power and control from their parents at all costs. I once heard a story about a teenager from a juvenile detention center in Jiangsu. Li Liang (pseudonym). He said that when he was a child, his father had a bad temper and often yelled at him. Sometimes he would be yelled at if he said the wrong thing. At first, he was scared and did not dare to reply, but later , the more his father yelled, the more rebellious he became. When his father said \”East\”, he insisted on doing \”West\”. When he reached junior high school, he began to give up on himself and became addicted to online games, thinking: \”Anyway, nothing I do is right.\” \”In the end, not only did he neglect his studies, but because he was yelled at by his friends, which brought back childhood memories, he stabbed his friend three times, ruining his life. Psychologist Myrna Schur pointed out: If parents\’ discipline methods If it is reprimand, blame and order, then the child will easily show aggression psychologically and verbally. Such children will enter the rebellious period earlier, have poor emotional management, cannot handle interpersonal relationships, and are often prone to extreme behaviors. Behavior. Therefore, the consequences of yelling at children are actually much more serious than we think. \”I hate you, I will make you regret it!\” \”There was a hot topic on Weibo: What do children who don\’t speak after being scolded think about? There was a high likeThe answer is: \”I hate them, and I will think about revenge.\” Du Du in the TV series \”Daddy\’s Home\” is such a typical example. Her parents divorced, and Dudu lived with her father, but her father followed a yelling education and often yelled at her. Once, when Dudu was changing shoes at home, he accidentally bumped into his pregnant stepmother. When his father saw it, he yelled without saying a word. Dudu felt aggrieved and ran away from home after a big argument with his father. After going out, she met a boy. After a few words, she followed him to the bar. When she was drunk, she thought of her father scolding her for her pregnant stepmother, so she gave up on herself and said, \”Isn\’t it just giving birth to a baby? What\’s the big deal, at worst, I\’ll give him one too!\” In this way, a 16-year-old girl, She got pregnant in anger as a way to retaliate against her father\’s yelling. Previously, there was a 22-year-old girl from Guangxi who was yelled at by her mother because she was misunderstood for stealing money. She desperately sought death. She felt that only if she died would her mother shed tears and regret. She wanted to take revenge on her mother, so she walked to the reservoir alone and jumped in. Fortunately, she was rescued in time by a passing uncle. Think about it, how can these tragic stories not be heartbreaking? Child psychologist Rudolf Drakes proposed that there are often four wrong goals behind children\’s bad behavior, and revenge on parents is one of them. Don\’t underestimate the child\’s revenge. When the child is young, this revenge may be limited to silent resistance. When the child grows older, this revenge will only become more intense and eventually cost the child his life. After reading this, do you feel sorry for that little person? Then go back and hug him more! Remember: No matter how big-hearted a child is, he cannot withstand your hurting and yelling over and over again. Don’t let our children become an outlet for our emotions, and don’t self-righteously “discipline” or yell and scold unscrupulously in the name of love. As education expert Chen Heqin said: \”Children\’s young minds are easily bruised, and any rough and arbitrary education method is inappropriate.\” Only when parents learn to respect their children, will children regain their senses, weigh the pros and cons, and embark on a path A healthier way to grow.