Some time ago, I accompanied a friend to take her 5-year-old son to a toddler piano competition. As a result, the little guy did not enter the top three. The moment the results of the competition were announced, his cry spread. The parents nearby came to comfort him, and his friend also advised his son: \”It doesn\’t matter. If you lose, you lose, it\’s not a big deal.\” But the son kept making trouble: \”I don\’t want to lose, I want to win!\” The friend was helpless. My son cares too much about winning or losing. Whether it\’s playing games or competing, he always wants to compete. He even eats faster than others. If someone is faster than him, he won\’t be happy. Why is this? Psychologist James said: The deepest need of human nature is the desire for appreciation and praise from others. In fact, when a child is just born, there is no concept of winning or losing, but there is still a subconscious need for recognition and praise from others. At about 3 years old, children will gradually become very competitive and like to win in competition activities and competitive behaviors. Once they find that they do not have an advantage, they will easily develop negative emotions such as disappointment, anger, and temper tantrums. This is their unique psychological phenomenon at a certain age and is not terrible. The scary thing is that parents’ wrong guidance makes children excessively obsessed with winning or losing. Image source: \”Heidi and Grandpa\” There is an episode of the American TV series \”A Thousand Lies\” in which a mother takes her daughter to participate in a beauty contest. The mother expected her child to win the championship, but in the end the child only won a silver medal. The child still had a smile on her face when she came on stage to receive the award, but when she saw her mother in the audience leaving the stage, she collapsed on the spot and even wanted to jump off the building in despair. A parent who pursues success too much will inevitably affect the psychology of his children, making them unable to accept failure. Image source: \”Heidi and Grandpa\” The more a child cares about winning or losing, the easier it is for him to become a child who cannot afford to lose. In December 2018, Morales, an 8-year-old elementary school girl in Maryland, USA, failed to run for class president and was very disappointed. After former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton learned about it, she wrote a letter to her: I know you were not elected and you may be disappointed, but I am proud of your decision to run. The most important thing is that you fight for what you believe in and it\’s always worth it. You will continue to learn and grow in the coming years, never stop doing the right thing, and I will cheer you on for great success in the future. Morales was very moved and excited after receiving the letter. Failure is a normal part of life. Let your children learn to accept the dissatisfaction in life. Being a person who can \”afford to lose\” is far better than a person who can only win but never lose. Picture source: \”Heidi and Grandpa\” Children who can afford to lose have more potential to win. In \”The Biggest Brain\”, the episode where the Italian boy Andrei and the Chinese genius Li Yunlong left a deep impression on me. memory. Li Yunlong once mistakenly thought that he had lost and collapsed on the spot, crying so hard that he collapsed on his seat and could not stand up; but when he learned that he was the winner, he smiled again. At only 12 years old, his extreme fear of losing and strong desire to win made me extremely worried. But Andre\’s performance showed me the love and tolerance of a person who \”can afford to lose\”: when he saw Li Yunlong crying, he also shed tears on the sidelines. Seeing Li Yunlong \”reverse\”When the attack was successful, he went over and gave him a big hug and said that he had just seen him crying so painfully and wanted to go over and comfort him. \”Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.\” This is the posture and attitude of a winner in life. The host said: Li Yunlong’s victory moved me, but Andre’s tears conquered me. Many netizens said: Even though Andre lost, he still won. A person\’s life is a life of constant failure and then success. We must let our children learn to accept their own imperfections, which is exactly another kind of happiness in life. How to make children “afford to lose”? Life is full of ups and downs, and there are winners and losers in the world. From ancient times to the present, there have always been more losers and few winners. Instead of letting children spend unnecessary energy worrying about winning and losing in their future lives, it is better to let them learn to face winning and losing calmly now. \”Losing\” is common Skiing is one of the most traditional sports in Finland. Most children start learning to ski at the age of 4 or 5, and their first lesson is to practice falling. A Finnish teacher personally demonstrated: after falling to the ground, get up step by step. Not only that, the teacher will also play a game like \”Eagle Catching Chicken\” with the children. When children playing the role of chicken are caught, they must immediately pretend to fall and then get up… They let the children understand that falling is the most normal thing. Life is like skiing, full of surprises and setbacks from time to time. Falling is just a normal thing, as long as you get up bravely. Just like us, let children feel losing as early as possible in life and guide them to face \”losing\” correctly. Only then will they have a normal heart when facing winning or losing, and let them become better in the future. Image source: \”Kiki\’s Delivery Service\” The result of losing is not terrible. When my daughter was a child, the nanny aunt took her to play games. Whether it was building blocks or playing checkers, the aunt would deliberately play games to make her daughter happy. I stopped my aunt. Letting children only win but not lose often makes children live in a false world. Once integrated into the social group, it will be difficult for them to face winning and losing in reality. It is better to let them understand the rules of winning and losing from an early age. Losing and winning are just the results. What is important is the process of hard work. Allow children to release their emotions. American education blogger Sunny Chanel once wrote in \”Playing Monopoly with my daughter, why do I never let her?\” \”The article talks about this incident: When my daughter played Monopoly with her, she lost terribly. She screamed and cried: \”You are so bad! Why didn\’t you let me win? You shouldn\’t have put so many hotels in this area. On the way, I have to pay a lot of money every time, why don\’t you let me go, that\’s so vicious!\” Sunny hugged her quietly and helped her wipe away her tears. After she freely released her inner dissatisfaction, Sunny said: \”The key to the game is not that you win or I win, but that you need to admit defeat; we are equal people, whether we lose or win, it is at least fair. You must let me let you, but do you think playing a Is there any point in an unfair game?\” The daughter whispered: \”Mom, can we play again later? Don\’t let me let you go this time.\” When children are frustrated because they lost, we might as well let them put their hearts into it. Release their negative emotions and guide them correctly so that they can face themselves more easily. Help children regain their confidence and learn to be specificWhen children learn to wear clothes, their movements are smoother than last time, we can praise their dressing skills; when children learn to ride a bicycle, their sense of balance is more skillful than last time, we can praise their efforts… every time Small progress and small successes can bring joy to children, and at the same time, self-confidence is slowly built. Confident children are less likely to base their self-worth on the evaluation of others, are less likely to be emotionally influenced by winning or losing, and lose the courage to work hard and make progress. The worst thing is not losing, but losing the courage not to be afraid of losing. When my daughter was young, she loved running races with her brother. Sometimes her brother would run faster, and she would say frustratedly: \”I lost, my brother ran faster than me.\” But sometimes she was full of fighting spirit: \”Brother, you run first, I will chase you.\” Frustrated. and happiness are extremely normal manifestations of children. The phenomenon of \”cannot afford to lose\” is just a very small, very small dimension of children\’s behavior. It will repeat itself and grow. When children have not yet grown up, we do not need to label them as \”competitive\” or \”cannot afford to lose.\” We can use our patience to slowly guide our children so that they can better balance between losing and winning. Balance each other and see the outcome of winning or losing with a normal mind. Only when we ourselves accept that \”being unable to lose\” is a normal thing, can we help our children accumulate enough energy step by step to better face the evaluation of ourselves and others. Those who can win may not be the real winners, but those who can afford to lose will win in the longer term. We cannot be a protective umbrella for our children throughout their lives. We can only teach them to run independently in the wind and rain of the world and survive tenaciously in the jungle of life.