• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

What is the best way to discipline children when they are rebellious? This is the most effective way to manage it!

Every child will go through a rebellious period. Many parents don\’t know how to communicate with and guide their children at this stage. In fact, as long as they understand the psychological needs behind their children\’s behavior, they will know what to do. ——Teacher Tingting said that when you feel that your child suddenly becomes difficult to discipline, it is probably the rebellious stage. Generally speaking, children will face three rebellious periods. At different ages, there will be different rebellious behaviors. If we can understand the psychological needs behind children\’s behavior, then we don\’t have to worry about how to discipline them. The first rebellious period 2-3 years old Around two years old is the child\’s first rebellious period. There is a special word in English – Terrible Two, which means \”terrible two years old\”. It mainly has these three characteristics: How to Improve Emotional Intelligence Education Piglet and Elephant Picture Book Elephant and Piggie, 25 volumes in total PDF + reading package + video + audio 1. \”Self-centered\”, living in your own world and having your own little ideas , behaves in his own way in life, thinks out what he thinks, has an inexplicable sense of rules and stubbornness. When stopped by their parents, they will react violently in various ways. Such as losing temper, crying, throwing things, biting and hitting people… 2. Increased autonomy, strong curiosity, and willingness to explore. For 2-year-old children, exploration is tantamount to taking risks, because they cannot distinguish between safety and Dangerous boundaries. However, their curiosity drives them to explore everything in front of them. If parents stop them out of safety concerns, they will \”offend\” their children, and the more they will fight against them. In short, if the word \”no\” comes first, if you say it again, it will be \”crying and making trouble\”, and you will not stop until you achieve your goal. 3. Dealing with the buds of emotional awareness. During this period, children begin to experience more emotions, such as shyness, jealousy, fear, etc. They will also try to control people or things that distress them. But their language expression ability and processing ability cannot keep up with the sprouting speed of consciousness. This causes them to often be trapped in their own world, with strong feelings of frustration and fear, making them more clingy and annoying. The age of 2-3 is a period of great physical and mental changes. This change and pressure make children somewhat \”difficult.\” However, effective guidance from parents can certainly help children get through this rebellious period smoothly. 1. Parents should be more patient and tolerant. Children under 3 years old cry because their needs are not met and they are in pain. What parents should do most is not to lose their temper at their children, let alone beat or scold them, but to soothe their children\’s emotions and meet their physical and psychological needs. If you feel that your child\’s request is excessive, you can use a serious expression to convey your rejection, and firmly and clearly tell the child why \”no\”, do not compromise but pay attention to the child\’s actions, and provide comfort when appropriate. At this time, they need their parents\’ tolerance and love even more. 2. Teach children to express their emotions. Children who cannot express their emotions will only seek help by \”crying\” when they have bad emotions. For example, when a child falls and cries, you can ask, \”Is it because it hurts?\” etc. Gradually, the child will learn to express his emotions. 3. Give children a simple right to chooseGive children a simple right to choose and let them experience the joy of autonomy. For example, do you want to play with a big ball or a small ball?Should you brush your teeth first or wash your face first? Do you want to listen to a story or read a picture book, etc… 4. Communicate with children and give specific instructions. For children under 3 years old, communicate more with them and explain what is happening to them, which can help them. Gain a greater vocabulary and a better understanding of the world around you and your environment. When giving instructions to children or preventing them from doing something, instead of using the \”no…\” sentence, you can change it to \”you can…\”. Try to be specific and single, otherwise it will be difficult for the child to receive the information you convey. When you approach a child in the right way, the child becomes less annoying. The second rebellious period is 7-9 years old. Compared with young children, who have just entered the elementary school stage, their mental development is further advanced, their self-esteem is getting stronger, they are eager to make their own decisions, believe that they have the ability to make the decisions, and they have \”little adults\” living in their hearts. In fact, the mind is immature, one-sided and stubborn in thinking, unable to predict the consequences, and often act willfully and go its own way. Such as being playful, staying in bed, procrastinating on homework, being confrontational, talking back, deliberately causing trouble… These behaviors that cause headaches for adults are all common manifestations of their rebellious psychology. Another obvious feature is that parents\’ words are no longer so authoritative. In contrast, they prefer to win praise and affirmation from teachers and classmates. Just like a mother once complained: \”Usually, when I ask my child to do something, he either whines or procrastinates, or wants to negotiate terms with you, without cooperating at all. But the teacher\’s words are like an edict, more effective than anything else. , he didn’t need us to remind him, and he did as the teacher said consciously.” The child would rather listen to the teacher than to the parents who take care of him day and night. As a parent, you will really feel sad and sad. For a while, I also felt confused, why do children listen to teachers so much? Later, after consulting a psychology friend, I realized that there are three reasons. One is due to the psychological tendencies of children of this age; the other is that teachers impart knowledge and children have a strong sense of admiration; the third is that parents have long-term wrong education methods for their children, such as rough treatment, pampering… Previous We cannot intervene in both, but we can make changes. As long as the children recognize your education method, your educational effect will definitely be twice the result with half the effort. We might as well try this: 1. Treat the child as a \”little adult\”. Don\’t treat the child as a little person who doesn\’t understand anything. Learn to treat him as a little adult. If you have something to do, you can ask your child for their opinions and suggestions. Even if the child\’s answer is very immature and you won\’t adopt it at all in the end, you can give the reason for your rejection and let the child understand why. Firstly, it allows children to learn how to communicate with adults and makes them feel needed; secondly, it satisfies their psychological needs for growth and is more conducive to parent-child communication. 2. Give children a certain amount of freedom. Children long to make their own decisions. Giving children limited freedom is more conducive to their growth. For example, if you want your child to do his homework quickly, you don’t necessarily need to urge or yell at him. You can tell your child that he can freely arrange the time between completing his homework and before going to bed. Giving children the right to choose will increase their internal drive. 3, Those who can be reasonable will never resort to beatings and scolding, which can easily damage children\’s self-esteem, especially criticism or scolding in public, which will make children lose face and frustration, increase negative emotions, and create self-doubt. They may even form a negative, inferior, and please-pleaser personality. No matter what you encounter, please calm down first, take a deep breath, and count for 10 seconds before speaking. Anger can make people impulsive and control people\’s minds, making problems more complicated and difficult to solve. What children need is a rational parent, not an emotional parent. The third rebellious period is 12-15 years old. According to the definition of the World Health Organization, the age range of adolescence is 10-19 years old, and the high school stage belongs to late adolescence. Why only pick out those aged 12-15? Because this age group happens to be the junior high school stage, which is the peak moment of the rebellious period. At this time, they: have enhanced self-awareness, becoming both independent and dependent; become bold and brave, pursue individuality, and focus on themselves; pay attention to dressing up, expressing themselves, and attracting the attention of the opposite sex; are sensitive, have rebellious psychology, and often say they do not like their parents Said; likes to hang out in groups and is easily influenced by peers; has large mood swings and shows bipolarity (such as strong and gentle, stable and impulsive, self-esteem and inferiority, etc.). Their biggest characteristic is that they are impulsive and irrational, like a wild horse. The more you try to tie them down, the more they run wild. Some time ago, there was a hotly searched news item. A 13-year-old boy was scolded by his father because his test scores were unsatisfactory, \”If you don\’t study hard, don\’t come back to this family.\” In addition, his father always compared himself with other children. The impulsive child became more and more angry, left a note, and ran away from home. \”Dad, I\’m leaving. You don\’t have to look for me anymore. I won\’t know you and you won\’t know me from now on! You shouldn\’t have a son like me. Goodbye, dad.\” The whole family was so frightened that they quickly called the police. Although the child was finally found, the father still had lingering fears, saying that he didn\’t know how to take care of him anymore and was afraid of running away from home again. The sensitive and rebellious adolescent child is no longer like when he was a child. You hit him and scolded him and he only cried. Now his legs are stiff and he can run away from home or even die if he disagrees with him. What should we do when dealing with children at the peak of their rebellion? 1. Learn to \”show weakness\” to your child and let your child feel that you care and respect him. 2. Leave a certain amount of space for your child and do not interfere or intrude too much. 3. If you are good for him, only say it once or twice seriously. 4. Affirm your children’s strengths more and compare them less with other people’s children. 5. When talking to your children about friends of the opposite sex, you can express your preferences and values ​​appropriately. 6. Try to stand in the same camp as your children and keep Smooth parent-child communication 7. Learn to apologize to children, put aside the parents’ face, and win back the children’s hearts 8. Adjust your mentality, take care of yourself first, and set a positive example for your children Adolescent children need more It is respect education, not restraint education. Restraint will only make children more rebellious, but respect will make children better aware of self-discipline. In short, for children in the rebellious stage, no matter what stage, forced discipline will not have the expected effect, but will instead cause the child to develop strong resistance. We must always remind ourselves to discipline our children, relying not on force, but on wisdom, and by understanding the psychological needs hidden behind the child\’s behavior, all problems can be easily solved.

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