Does your child talk back? When \”educating\” their children, many parents carefully explain a lot of truths to them, only to be rendered speechless by their children in the end. The parents were unable to refute, and then they began to say, \”How dare you talk back?\” and began to use their status as elders to suppress the child and force him to obey. If the child is still young, he may be obedient. If the child is older, he may still \”hit the wall\”. Talking back indicates that differences and conflicts have arisen between children and parents. Faced with these differences and contradictions, what should parents do? Fan Deng Reading Club’s Five Compulsory Courses in Family Education for New Parents [Video + Audio] The biggest failure in family education is that behind children’s talk back, there are actually differences and conflicts between parents and children. When there are differences between what parents want their children to do and what their children want to do, but neither of them is willing to give in, they start arguing and quarreling. For example, if children do not take the initiative to study, many parents will reason with their children and say, \”You must study hard so that you can find a good job in the future.\” Then the child may return to \”Many people who have not gone to college can still support themselves.\” It is reasonable and well-founded, leaving parents unable to refute. Parents cannot help their children, and then they feel that they have no sense of authority as elders. They are full of frustration. They feel that their face is being torn to pieces by their children, so they want to be tough and get their sense of authority back. If parents often use a tough attitude to suppress their children, and when the child reaches adolescence, his fists will become harder, the hard ones will no longer work, and the soft ones will no longer listen. At that time, the parents will be very upset. Because the child is often suppressed, the child has been accumulating that energy. He will think that when he grows up, he must do things according to his own ideas, and he must not do what he does not want to do. And if you are suppressed by your parents for a long time, the parent-child relationship will also become very bad. After many children go to college, they never take the initiative to contact their families. Except when they need living expenses, they may not want to go home during the New Year and holidays. After twenty years of hard work, the child has finally grown up. In the end, the child is like a white-eyed wolf, not close to him at all, and even like an enemy. This will only chill the parents. This is also the biggest failure of family education. To be authoritative parents, good parents must be authoritative parents. Why do parents who use their status and violence to suppress their children fail in their education? Because they have no authority, what they use is called authority. Only using status and violence to suppress children is actually a reflection of parents\’ incompetence. Only people who are incompetent would want others to think that they are fierce and powerful. People who are truly capable are very gentle. If we want to repair the parent-child relationship and be able to help our children, we must become authoritative parents and use our abilities to convince our children and make them willing to obey. What kind of person has authority? They are those who make you feel professional, experienced and capable. The first characteristic of authoritative parents is the ability to help their children get out of difficulties and make them feel happy. In this way, your child will also believe in your abilities. When he encounters difficulties in study, life, and interpersonal relationships, he will believe that you can provide appropriate guidance and help him solve problems together, and he will be willing to take the initiative to ask for help.You ask for help. Another characteristic of authoritative parents is that they are gentle and firm with their children; they know what is their children\’s business and what is their own business, and have a sense of boundaries with their children; and at the same time, they have unconditional love for their children. Even if their children do something wrong, authoritative parents can still give their children unconditional love, but they also have their own principles. They still need to educate their children and help their children solve problems together. But we will not cover up blindly and without a bottom line. How to Become an Authoritative Parent Authoritative parents have the ability to help and tolerate their children. When such parents are in front of their children, their children will feel like a spring breeze. They don\’t have to hit, scold or yell at them, and the children will be willing to follow them. So how do you become an authoritative parent? In fact, the most important point is to improve your ability, and the cultivation of ability requires constant self-reflection. People grow and progress through constant reflection. Many parents feel confused and dissatisfied with their current situation, but they have no direction, no method, and don’t know what to do. In fact, this is because they do not have the habit of self-reflection. The ability of self-reflection is very lacking in many people. Why is this so? Because they have been taught to be obedient since childhood. If you just listen to what you are told without thinking for yourself, you will not be able to exercise your reflective skills and you will not have critical thinking. If we want to be authoritative parents, we must learn to reflect. So what should we reflect on? We need to reflect on ourselves from the three dimensions of \”informed action\”, that is, reflect on our own cognition, emotions, and behaviors. Many people are confused and directionless because they don’t understand themselves. Many people don’t know who they are, what they are good at, and what they care about. Before we solve our children\’s problems, we must first solve our own problems. Only through constant reflection, understanding and accepting themselves, can parents accept and help their children. The biggest failure of family education is to teach children to become \”enemies\”. How was it taught? It is through long-term and continuous use of authority, identity and violence to suppress children. Excellent parents must be authoritative parents. Authoritative parents have the ability to help and tolerate their children, and their children are willing to listen to their parents\’ suggestions.