• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

What is the impact of parents losing their temper on their children? Are they good parents if they don’t lose their temper?

Colleague Lili, the day after she moved to a new house during National Day, her daughter Xiaomi smashed the newly bought jade cabbage on the ground because Lili wouldn\’t let her watch cartoons, and more than 20,000 yuan was lost in one fell swoop. Lily felt distressed and wanted to beat her daughter, but her husband stopped her: Don\’t hit her, don\’t scold her, just be reasonable. So the two wanted to provide ideological education to their daughter. As soon as they raised their heads, Xiaomi started to cry. In the end, she bit her own arm and refused to let go. When Lily finally coaxed her to let go of her mouth, a row of deep tooth marks were left on her arm. Lily said: The book says not to lose your temper with your children. My husband and I never lose our temper in front of our children. Even if she makes a mistake, we only talk to her. But when this child is unhappy, she likes to throw things and bite others and herself. Is she born with a bad temper? It\’s not that Xiaomi is born with a bad temper, it\’s that she doesn\’t know how to express her emotions. Emotional expression needs to be learned, and parents are the first role models for their children. Parents who are tolerant, only reasonable, and do not express their emotions will leave their children at a loss and do not know how to express their emotions correctly. Emotions need to be channeled and exported. If they are blocked in the heart, they will cause inner conflicts. Therefore, some children are introverted and have low self-esteem, and it is easy to accumulate things in their hearts and become depressed; some children are acute and irritable, and simply choose to attack or attack themselves as an outlet for their emotions. My friend Lanzi is determined to be a good mother in front of her son Xiaoyu, and she takes the route of being patient and not getting angry. But around 11 o\’clock last night, she exploded. On the first day of the National Day holiday, she set a daily workload for Xiaoyu, but Xiaoyu worked hard from morning to night, and then from night to the next day. He was about to go to school tomorrow, but by night It\’s past 10 o\’clock, and there is still a lot of homework left to do. She was so anxious that her throat was filled with smoke, but Xiaoyu said he wanted to go to the bathroom and would not come out once he went in. When she opened the bathroom, Xiaoyu was sitting on the toilet playing with a Rubik\’s Cube. She exploded every minute, grabbed the Rubik\’s Cube and threw it hard, and then roared at Xiaoyu. She couldn\’t suppress her anger no matter how hard she suppressed it. Lanzi asked me: It’s common for Xiaoyu to dawdle, and I can usually hold it in. Why can’t I help it when he plays with a Rubik’s Cube? The Rubik\’s Cube is just a fuse, not the main cause. The so-called forbearance is just a backlog of emotions and resistance, but the more the emotions are accumulated, the more they continue, and the more resistance they have, the more focused they become. Those emotions that are resisted and tolerated, because of the focus of the mind, give them more energy. Once the emotions are accumulated to a certain level (everyone is different) and exceed the endurance, even for a small reason, It is also enough to detonate the emotions that are usually stored up in minutes. The best way to prevent emotional outbursts is not to accumulate or resist. When small emotions come, channel them directly and express honestly: If you do this, my mother will be angry. If this continues, I will lose my temper. My best friend Lin told me about her childhood past: When I was a child, my parents often quarreled, but they rarely quarreled in front of me. Instead, they often quarreled secretly in the middle of the night with their voices lowered. But I almost always know when they quarrel. Because when I get up every morning, the low pressure exuding from the two of them tells me everything. So, I didn\’t even dare to express my anger. I finished the meal in three mouthfuls and hurriedlyRush to school in a hurry. At that time, I felt that school was better than home because the atmosphere in school was more relaxed. When I grew up, I became an awkward child. I couldn\’t express my emotions correctly. I didn\’t dare to laugh when I was happy and didn\’t dare to cry when I was sad. Even when my mother passed away, I just cried silently at first. When my mother was buried, I thought of From now on, heaven and man will never see each other again, so they dare to cry loudly. Parents who do not express emotions correctly prevent their children from learning how to express emotions correctly. Tolerant parents make their children even more tolerant. Many people ask: How can my children know if I hide my emotions in my heart? Children are far more sensitive than we imagine. Psychologist Bloom once conducted an experiment. He found a group of babies and asked them to watch a puppet show: a circle was about to roll up a hill, but two supporting characters appeared. One was a \”good-hearted\” person who helped the circle move upward; the other was a \”bad-hearted person\” who rolled the circle up. Circle push down. Finally, the researchers asked the babies to tell which puppet they liked, and almost all the babies chose the \”kind-hearted\” puppet. The results of the experiment tell us: Even ignorant babies, their ability to experience and perceive the outside world far exceeds our imagination. In the movie \”The Magic Circus: Animal Crackers\”, Owen gets a box of \”absolutely inedible\” animal crackers, but one day, he accidentally eats them and turns into a little hamster. When the wife saw it, she panicked and chased him desperately, but the daughter recognized that the hamster was her father and giggled happily. Children have an extremely keen sense of their parents, just like radar, always observing and exploring us, whether it is our external words and deeds, or our inner emotions. Every move we make will invisibly affect their inner emotions. In \”Where Are We Going, Dad 5\”, Jordan Chan was very unhappy when he saw Jasper playing the trumpet, but he did not say anything, but urged Jasper to walk faster. But Jasper still walked very slowly because of his short legs. When Jordan Chan was about to collapse, Jasper shouted through the loudspeaker: Can you not be angry? In an instant, Chen Xiaochun\’s emotions were soothed, not just because Jasper told him not to be angry, but more importantly, his inner emotions were interpreted by Jasper. The strange thing is that although Jordan Chan did not express his anger directly, Jasper still felt his full anger. Those unexpressed emotions cannot escape the eyes of children. Therefore, in front of children, those rigid forbearances are not as good as correct expressions. In \”The Sound of Hypnosis Accompanying You\”, the famous American psychologist Milton Erickson truly describes a \”competition\” between him and his two-year-old daughter. One day, the daughter snatched the newspaper from her mother and threw it on the ground. Mom asked her to pick it up and apologize. But her daughter said, \”I don\’t need to do this.\” Others in the family also tried to persuade her, but she pushed them back. Erickson had difficulty moving due to physical reasons, so he put his daughter on the bed. When her daughter wanted to crawl out of the bed, Erickson grabbed her ankles and prevented her from getting out of the bed.The daughter yelled: \”Let me go!\” He replied: \”You don\’t have to do this.\” This went back and forth between the two. Four hours later, the daughter finally admitted her mistake: \”I will pick up the newspaper and return it to my mother.\” He said, \”You don\’t need to do this.\” The daughter then said, \”I will pick up the newspaper, I will return it to my mother, I will Apologize to my mother.\” He remained unmoved: \”You don\’t need to do this.\” Finally, the daughter said: \”I will pick up the newspaper, I want to pick up the newspaper, and I want to apologize to my mother.\” He then said: \”It\’s very Okay.\” Appropriate emotional expression is a good polish for children on the way to growth, allowing them to learn to abide by rules and understand the boundaries between people. We often say that we should accept our children\’s emotions, but before accepting our children\’s emotions, we must first learn to accept our own emotions. In front of children, truly expressing our inner thoughts makes it easier for children to learn to express emotions. In this life, people must find a way to express their own life existence, and use this method to comfort and release their souls. Emotions are innate and indelible. What we have to do is not to eliminate them, but to learn to get along with them and accept and express them positively. When we can express our emotions correctly, children usually respond truthfully and truly to their hearts. How we connect with them makes them more intimately connected to us. Give him a peach and repay him with a plum, that\’s it.

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