• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

What is the truth behind the fact that children are dawdling but adults can’t stop shouting?

It’s been so long since your children started school. How are you parents? Are you worried about getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth, and going to school? What should I do if my child is dawdling? While waiting for the subway last weekend, I saw a scene: Time management methods and techniques: How to solve the problem of procrastination in children without yelling or yelling. A mother roared: \”I won\’t scold you, I can\’t control you, you see Let\’s see how the teacher punishes you!\” Behind her was a cute little boy carrying a schoolbag. Of course, the little boy lowered his head and didn\’t dare to say anything with a frustrated look on his face. The mother didn\’t even look at her son, and continued to vent as if no one was watching: \”I called you at 7 o\’clock, but I didn\’t get up until 8 o\’clock. I didn\’t wash up until 8:30, and I didn\’t even have time to eat breakfast. Now, I\’m going to be half an hour late. I Ignore you, go and explain to the teacher why you are late! Did your mother not wake you up, or are you procrastinating?! It would be best if the teacher punishes you to copy the test paper ten times!\” He scolded you from the platform to the subway car. I was scolded from the moment I got in the car until I got off. No matter how old a child is, it’s human nature to be nagging. I feel sorry for this child, but I feel more sympathetic to this mother’s troubles. When my child was young, every time I ate with him, it was a \”tough battle\”: he would hold the rice in his mouth and rub it with his tongue, refusing to swallow it, and making faces; sometimes he would even run away, forcing me to Chase after him to feed him, and treat eating as another game entirely. He can eat a small bowl of rice for an hour. Even a good-tempered person like me was so angry that he wanted to beat someone up. Psychological counselors have conducted a survey: \”What are you most dissatisfied with about your children?\” As a result, many parents\’ first answer is: dilly-dallying. If you are a parent, this scenario must often occur in your home: 1. The problem of getting up is like the mother I met on the subway: I woke him up at 7 o\’clock, but the child didn\’t get up until 8 o\’clock. You are so angry that you want to pour cold water on his head while he is sleeping in. 2. The problem of eating. I read the complaint of a 32-year-old mother: \”Every time I see my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter clumsily and slowly raising a small spoon to eat, I can\’t help myself. Even though my daughter can also slowly eat. I finished the meal, but I really couldn\’t stand her slow pace, so I just scooped the rice with a spoon and stuffed it into my daughter\’s mouth, and it became a habit. Although I also knew that this was wrong, I only saw the food being eaten by my daughter. Only when I am here can I feel at ease.” 3. Homework issues There was a popular article some time ago, specifically discussing the sadness of parents doing homework with their children: A parent complained that his child only had to do 5 multiple-choice questions in one night, and he immediately received a lot of comments. Reply: \”Calm down, you haven\’t met a problem that you haven\’t solved in two hours!\” \”Hey, three hours, writing an essay, 20 words. I really want to kill someone.\” \”Peeing, shitting, etc. while doing homework, He drank water, had an upset stomach, mosquito bites on his legs, and wanted to beat him every minute for all kinds of things.\” \”The teacher asked him to complete fifty addition and subtractions within ten, including writing names, in ten minutes. Three minutes passed. The guy was still writing and erasing his name. He wanted to yell but had to hold it in. He was almost hurt internally.\” Similar questions emerged one after another. When can I stop dawdling? Sorry, there is no such time. Because no matter how old children are, they will dawdle. This is human nature. Dilly-dallying is actuallyEveryone goes through the necessary stages of childhood. Think about when you were a child, you must have been urged or even scolded by your parents because of your procrastination. Have you changed it? I believe you can\’t change it either. I thought about it carefully later. In fact, when parents urge their children, they actually require their children to be in the same time zone and the same rhythm as themselves: you urge your children to get up quickly because you are also in a hurry to go to work; you urge your children to eat quickly because you You have to clean up the dishes; you urge your children to do their homework quickly because your own work has not been completed yet. I don’t know if you’ve noticed: when we keep reminding our children to “go fast, go fast,” you are setting his pace at an adult pace. Pediatricians and scientists have discovered that children have their own circadian rhythm, as follows: Children before the age of 2 and a half have no concept of \”time\” at all. They live completely in the present, with no memories of the past and no worries about the future. At the age of 2 and a half, children have a preliminary understanding of the words \”time\” and \”sequence\”; from 2 and a half to 3 years old, children\’s concept of time develops rapidly. Development, \”past\”, \”present\” and \”future\” can be clearly distinguished; 4-year-old children can describe what they did in kindergarten, but they cannot yet say specifically what they did at what time. Children cannot do this until they are 5 years old; 6-year-old children go a step further and begin to like listening to their grandfather telling stories about the past. But they have no sense of how long a period of time, such as half an hour or 20 minutes, is; 7-year-old children can already tell time, but this is the time when they struggle the most: in their subconscious, they still have There is no acceptance of a rhythm of doing certain things at certain times. Therefore, dawdling is actually a necessary stage for children. Only when he feels \”time\” step by step at his own pace and feels the rules of doing things on time can he truly grow. But if you overstep his authority and forcibly block his own feeling of \”time\”, the consequences will be disastrous. I am often pushed, and the consequences are serious. Now that I know the child’s growth rhythm, I no longer dare to push my children. Because children who are often urged to do their homework may develop into two extreme personalities: first, over-reliance on things such as being urged to do homework. If the child is doing it while the parent is gesticulating, the child will actually be very nervous and the homework will become slower and slower. In the end, you have to go into battle yourself and help him do it directly, or teach him how to do it step by step. what\’s the result? The child will still not know what he should be able to do, and he will become very dependent on you. As psychologist Erica Reischer said: \”Your child has no chance to learn how to be responsible for himself or to practice important life skills such as time management and self-discipline.\” You want him to learn what you can quickly Something, but in the end he couldn\’t even surpass your level. Second, the extremely rebellious type, think about what if you heard this kind of \”mantra\” every day: \”Get up, get up quickly! Go wash your face, brush your teeth, and remember to comb your hair! Here are the shoes, here are the clothes, do you have any Listening! Are you going out dressed like this?…\” Every day, Tang Monk is talking in your ear like he is chanting sutras,People who are naturally rebellious will be extremely disgusted. Studies have proven that if your child has a strong personality, he will easily become irritable and irritable when being pushed, have poor patience, and will not listen to other people\’s advice at all. Christine Flavini, a French child psychiatrist, said: Children with dependent personalities feel that they are \’bad boys\’ and lose their self-confidence because they cannot meet their parents\’ requirements; while children with rebellious personalities will only become more and more aggressive. He began to ignore his parents more and more and became selfish and indifferent. Both types of children, without exception, have lost themselves. No matter which type it is, I don\’t want my children to become like that. Dilly-dallying can actually be very efficient. In fact, when I was in high school, I knew a few classmates who were known to be very dilly-dallying. One of the boys was complained by the teacher every time he handed in an essay: \”××, could you write faster? Every time, he waited until the bell rang for the second period before handing in the essay.\” Not only did he usually write essays slowly, , and it was also slow during the exam. No matter what test he takes, he will always wait until the teacher comes to collect the test paper before handing it in. Several times, the invigilator threatened him: \”If he doesn\’t turn in the results, his results will be cancelled!\” But every time he took the exam, he was among the top three in the class. He didn\’t hesitate during the college entrance examination, turned in the papers on time, and finally went to Fudan University. My classmate has been very slow in doing things since he was a child: he is slow to eat, slow to get up, and slow to do homework. It’s no different than today’s kids. Every time I asked him the secret of taking the exam, he always said this: \”Think slowly, there is no point in rushing to do the questions. Think about why the teacher set the questions like this, and it will be faster to do the same questions again.\” Many Parents will urge their children to do things because they generally believe that children are procrastinating and can never keep up with others. Children are slow to learn, so how can they compete with others? We were so wrong. For example, when doing questions, sometimes children may be really slow. But it was precisely because he thought slowly that he could understand the topic more deeply. Whether a child dawdles or not is not necessarily related to whether he is smart or whether he studies well. Slow is actually the fastest way. Dilly-dallying can actually be very efficient. The most dangerous thing about dilly-dallying children is not sick and anxious parents. Like my classmates, those children who can think are really dilly-dallying. A father went to pick up his son from school and waited at the school gate for half an hour without seeing anyone. He was already furious: \”Why is this kid so lazy even after school?\” He walked around the campus and finally found his son on a small construction site in the school: he was concentrating on observing the workers driving piles. How to get rid of children\’s problem of dawdling? Chen Mo said goodbye to dilly-dallying and doing homework efficiently. When he saw his father coming, the child said excitedly: \”Dad, I discovered the working principle of the pile driver!\” As a result, his father was speechless: Oh, there is a reason for this child\’s dawdling. of. Psychologist Erica Reischer often receives complaints from parents: their children seem to have no sense of time, often lose track of things, and cannot complete tasks on time. But when he asked the children individually, he found that their study arrangements were actually very reasonable and orderly, and they also formed habits. When the parents learned this, they were very surprised: \”Why did he never tell me?\”Erica Reischer will tell them: \”Because in an atmosphere of urging and complaining, children don\’t want to talk at all.\” Children and parents seem to be walking side by side, but in fact they are running on different tracks, each with its own path. If parents intervene, they will actually \”crash\” with their children, which can easily lead to accidents. A child who is dilly-dallying is not a disease, but a parent who is urging is the worst.

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