• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

What made all the children in the class raise their hands to object was actually the behavior of their parents…

Two days ago, I saw another heart-wrenching Weibo post: A primary school student in Sichuan complained in the essay \”Talk from the Heart\”: Parents would rather chat with people they don\’t know online than put down their mobile phones and chat with themselves face to face. After the teacher assigned this composition, she didn\’t know how to write it, so she went home and asked her mother for advice. However, \”My mother was playing with her mobile phone at the time and didn\’t seem to listen to me seriously.\” She said: She felt too lonely sometimes! Then, the teacher asked the class: \”Your parents have the same situation as her parents, raise your hands.\” In the video, most of the children raised their hands, which made me feel sad. A boy stood up and choked up and confided his heart: \”Every time I feel grievances and want to tell my parents, my parents are playing with their mobile phones. Now I have gradually developed a habit of not being able to say anything.\” The child feels that he has nothing to say. Going out is killing dependence and trust in parents. Voltaire said: The ears are the way to the soul. Listen carefully to your children\’s words, although they may seem like trivial details to their parents; in their eyes, they are the whole world given by their parents. Listening well to children can not only reflect parents\’ care and respect for their children, but also show parents\’ love, protection and acceptance. Therefore, the first step for a child\’s feelings toward his or her parents to gradually fade, become colder, and become stiffer is: they have something to say, but their parents don\’t want to hear it. Children in childhood are very sensitive to their parents\’ emotions. Once they feel that their parents are rejecting or avoiding them, they will slowly close their hearts and become lonely. Picture source: \”Hugo\” Compared with \”the parents don\’t listen, the children can\’t speak out\”, what may be more harmful is: \”the children speak, and the parents pretend to listen.\” My friend\’s son Qiuqiu burst into his own little universe at his birthday party. He threw his father\’s cell phone to the ground and yelled: You lied, you didn\’t listen at all, I don\’t want to talk to you anymore! It turned out that before dinner, Qiuqiu had a fight with an older brother who was attending his birthday party over the ownership of the cookies. When Qiuqiu couldn\’t beat him, he cried and went to find his father, who was playing a team game of \”Chicken\” on his mobile phone. Qiuqiu cried and said: Dad, brother Li Rui hit me. So I beat him too, he was bigger than me and I couldn\’t beat him. But he snatched my cookie first…Dad, are you listening? !Dad discussed countermeasures with his teammates while dealing with Qiuqiu: Well, I’m listening. Qiuqiu wanted to continue talking, but his father turned around and started chatting wildly with his teammates. So the ball exploded. When his words and feelings are not paid attention to and comforted by his parents, and when he has a conflict with his friends and no one comforts him, and he needs to face it alone, the child will have an emotional breakdown. Over time, the child no longer wants to talk, and the parents have no way of knowing the child\’s feelings, unable to see the child\’s difficulties, and unable to take action to help the child. There are many parent-child relationships that are ruined by: You don’t listen to me anyway, so I might as well not say it! Image source: \”Boyhood\” I have a best friend whose father is a soldier. In her childhood memories, her father had always been a shadow, but he was particularly warm. Because she likes to write letters to her father. From the first sentence \”Dad, I love you\”, she didn\’t know how much nonsense she said to her father.To this day, she still teases us: Only in front of my dad can I remain innocent forever. I can complain and talk nonsense, and I can even join forces with my dad to complain about my mom. Every time she talks to her father, she feels particularly relaxed. In the past, when she wrote to her father to talk about her troubles, her father would write several pages to help her analyze and give her suggestions, and then tell her some jokes from the army and draw some emoticons to make her happy. Image source: \”Pumping Heartbeat\” When I was in junior high school, my father was transferred back home. Even though they haven\’t lived together for more than ten years, they don\’t feel strange. She liked the way her father listened to her attentively. Sometimes she is stubborn and goes to extremes, and her father will patiently tell her: Even if dad\’s advice is wrong, I hope you will take it seriously, because dad loves you very much. What is true listening? Actually it is love! \”The Road Less Traveled\” writes: \”Listening is paying attention to the other person. It is a concrete expression of love. At this time, the listener puts aside personal thoughts and desires and empathizes with the speaker as much as possible. Feelings.\” Listening shows not only the parents\’ acceptance, understanding and support for their children, but also guides the children\’s hearts to become calm and calm. To her, my best friend’s father is an elder and a confidant! The warmest love for children is not money and material satisfaction, but parents\’ kind attitude, joyful conversations, sympathy and praise. Image source: \”A Different Dad\” When I had a child myself and came into contact with psychology, I felt deeply about this sentence: \”The less parents can listen to their children, the more tense the parent-child relationship will be.\” If the child says \”Sad\”, you say \”don\’t be sad\”; when the child \”cry\”, you say \”don\’t cry\”; when the child says \”nervous\”, you say \”don\’t be nervous\”… You will find that you clearly want your child to get rid of bad feelings. , but he felt increasingly uncomfortable. No matter how good the attitude was at the time or how gentle the tone was. In fact, if you don’t understand the child’s emotional appeal at that time, the child will not open up. Listening can not only help children effectively get rid of negative emotions and restore normal thinking skills; it can also give children enough attention in a short period of time to understand and accept their parents\’ correct opinions and suggestions. Image source: \”Little Naughty Nicholas\” Most parent-child relationships continue to be rigid. The biggest problem is: you say, I don\’t want to listen; you say, I pretend to listen; you say, I object to listening. There is a term in psychology called the south wind effect, also known as the \”south wind law\” or the \”warmth law\”. The north wind and the south wind competed to see who could take off the coats of pedestrians. They just blew like crazy. However, the north wind blows a cold wind, which is cold and biting. In order to resist the invasion of the north wind, pedestrians wrap their coats tighter and tighter; the south wind blows a warm breeze, which is comfortable and comfortable. The pedestrians feel very warm and unbutton their buttons one after another. , take off your coat. The reason why the south wind achieves its purpose is that it complies with people\’s inner needs and makes people take off their coats voluntarily. The essence is: warmth is better than cold. Image source: \”Frozen\” The same goes for dealing with the listening relationship between parents and children: pay special attention to the inner needs of the child. 01. Avoid children performing one-man shows. The child has something to sayWhen I want to talk to my parents, my parents can’t keep their eyes off their mobile phones and TV. This will give the child a sudden feeling of being ignored. As time goes by, the child chooses to \”shut up\” and has something to say but cannot say it to his parents. The correct approach is: when your child tells you something, put down your phone, leave the TV, stop doing housework, listen carefully, and pay full attention. Only when a child feels the sincerity of his parents will he be more willing to fully tell his parents about his experiences and feelings. Picture source: \”Wedding Dress\” 02. Avoid saying you are listening but actually not paying attention. Children also need to be understood. When children are excited to share with their parents and express their feelings, the status of the parents is very important. If you treat your child in a perfunctory manner, once the child feels frustrated, he will give up and end with \”I don\’t want to talk anymore.\” The correct approach is: look into the child\’s eyes and listen to him carefully. When your child says something happy, imagine what happened and feel your child\’s happiness; when your child says something sad, give him a hug and don\’t begrudge your comfort. Maintain eye contact with the child and cooperate with body language to make the child feel that he is noticed and recognized. The equal emotional response from parents can make children feel satisfied and happy. Picture source: \”Wedding Dress\” 03. When children encounter problems, avoid blaming and disturbing them. When children talk to their parents, parents\’ blame or suggestions sometimes disrupt the child\’s thinking and dampen the child\’s enthusiasm. Once a child loses his enthusiasm, he will eventually become like \”Forget it, it\’s useless to tell you, it\’s better not to tell you.\” The correct approach is: You can use \”Oh…\” \”Well…\” \”This feels quite sad/sad…\” \”Then what?\” to simply respond to the child and encourage the child to continue talking. Listening is an important way to care for children spiritually and emotionally. Parents must first only participate and not interfere, and then the children will fully explain their thoughts, ideas, and what happened. Picture source: \”Pumping Heartbeat\” Parents hope that their children can enjoy a good life and be loved, respected and understood. But if there is no listening bridge between parents and children, they will be like kites with broken strings, flying further and further away from each other and never returning to the past. Parents are good at listening in order to maintain a close and friendly relationship with their children for a long time. As a book says: \”A soul can discover, appreciate and own the happiness of another soul in listening. A soul can also perceive, understand and experience the pain of another soul in listening.\” So-called. Listening, the simplest thing is: be willing to listen to your child and finish what you have to say.

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