• Sun. Dec 3rd, 2023

What should I do if my child likes to lose his temper? Not spoiled at all

It is said that children are little angels sent by God, bringing endless happiness to the adults who are parents. The person who said this must not be experiencing a little angel throwing a tantrum, stamping, yelling, crying, or even destroying things… Yesterday, downstairs in the community, I heard a parent talking about his child: I almost I gave my son two slaps. He was tired enough, but he insisted on going out to buy a toy called \”Crystal Mud\”. I told him in a good voice that my mother was tired and would go tomorrow. He didn\’t want to, so he pulled my clothes towards the door and yelled: \”I don\’t want it, I have to go today, go now, hurry up!!!\” I felt angry and ignored him. After a while, I heard a loud \”bang\” and the chair was pushed to the ground. He stood aside and stared at me with his lips pouted, like an enemy. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I am 4 years old and already in kindergarten. How can I be so ignorant! If his father hadn\’t stopped him, I would have really beaten him. Speaking of this, the mother sighed: \”The older the child gets, the louder his temper becomes. Now I have to endure my anger every day when I go home, just for fear that one day I won\’t be able to control myself and break his legs…\” \” Why do children often lose their temper when they disagree? What do children need?\” Many parents believe that a child\’s tantrum is a sign of being spoiled. They also equate tantrums with disobedience… But in fact, there are many little secrets hidden behind your child\’s tantrums that you may not be aware of… What should you do about the root cause of your child\’s tantrums? A 1-2 year old baby has a tantrum: his needs are not met in time and he wants a small fork on the table. If he is not given it, he immediately starts crying and making a fuss… Mommy has to go to work and cannot accompany me, so she immediately starts crying and making a fuss… Here In the first stage, babies begin to learn to walk. They want to try to do things independently and use various methods to prove their ability to \”control everything\”. They want to develop themselves, but have insufficient abilities and unclear concepts of self and others. Therefore, the baby always fights against himself and has trouble with his parents. If parents cannot fully understand their babies and still take care and protect them \”meticulously\”, the babies will be frequently frustrated, become irritable, and even conflict with their parents. In addition, babies at this stage begin to enter their first rebellious period, their self-awareness develops rapidly, and their needs often cannot be met. However, due to poor language expression and control abilities, it is difficult for them to communicate with their parents through words. Movements develop faster than language. Losing tempers has become a common way for babies to express their emotions at this stage. A 2-3 year old baby has a tantrum: breaking his sense of order by putting on a shirt first and then pants. If the order is reversed, he will immediately lose his temper… put the car on the table and the doll on the bed. If the position is wrong, he will immediately lose his temper. Tantrum… I broke off a bit of the biscuit and it was not complete, so I immediately lost my temper… A 3-4 year old child lost his temper: he wanted more rights. The child didn\’t want to get up, and the mother kept urging: \”Hurry up and put on your clothes, otherwise You\’ll be late.\” Child: I won\’t! Pa~ put the clothes onThrow it on the ground… Child: \”I want to eat chocolate!\” Mom: \”No, you have to finish the meal before you can eat it.\” Child: \”I want to eat~ I want to eat~ I don\’t want to eat!\” 4-6 A 1-year-old baby has a tantrum: encountering setbacks. Children at this stage have developed a strong sense of self, and their self-esteem has begun to sprout. They want to control everything and do everything well, but they are often too anxious to do things well, and once they encounter setbacks, they become emotionally violent. It is indeed a bad behavior for children to lose their temper, but it can be taught, but if you scold too much, only distance and psychological shadow will remain. As parents, don\’t always think about \”reforming\” your children, but you should learn to \”sculpt\” them. As early as hundreds of years ago, Wang Yangming said: \”A bad mood is a result of insufficient wisdom.\” We cannot ask children according to adult standards. After all, the books they have read and the roads they have traveled are limited, but as parents , we have the responsibility to let them have the \”wisdom\” to control their emotions by using the methods of \”first being steady, second listening, third being quiet, four not teaching, and five being ruthless\”. 1. \”Steady\” refers to the Buddhist saying that parents should be steady: Angry people are slaves of the heart. If you want your children not to lose their temper, first of all, parents must set a steady example. Whether in daily life or when others are angry with them, they must not be slaves to their emotions. 2. \”Listen\” means that parents should listen carefully so that their children will not lose their temper for no reason. Parents should learn to listen carefully and understand the root cause. Get closer to your child. 3. \”Quiet\” means waiting for the child to calm down. \”Tao De Jing\” says: Quietness is the king of impatience. Jing can overcome the irritability in people and restore their rationality. When your child loses his temper, it won\’t make sense for you to reason with him. Let him finish his temper first, and then give him a quiet period of self-repair and self-reflection after the emotion has passed. 4. \”Not teaching\” means that parents should not rush to preach. Just imagine, you have just calmed down and there is a person beside you who keeps reasoning. Would you feel comfortable? Won\’t! You will think that he is accusing you from the moral high ground! It\’s hard for you to listen to what he says. If you want to communicate with your child, you must first create common ground between you and him. You can say: \”I was just like you when I was a child. I remember one time because of a toy…\” \”I understand how you feel. I also used to…\” Allow the child to vent, acknowledge the child\’s emotions, let the child feel that you are not on the opposite side of him, and then express your opinions step by step will make it easier for him to listen. 5. \”Be ruthless\” refers to parents\’ excessive desire for their children. Raising children without education is like raising donkeys, and raising daughters without education is like raising pigs. The biggest difference between humans and animals is that humans restrain their desires. Parents must be \”ruthless\” when it comes to matters of principle and cannot give in under any circumstances. Moreover, children should be taught to reflect more from an early age, understand the feelings of others, appropriately restrain their own desires, and not do whatever they want. This also sends a message to children: crying about many things is useless. When children lose their temper, they are actually \”asking for help.\” In fact, let alone children, even adults will lose their temper when they cannot control it. Let’s think about it carefully, why do we find ourselves?temper? It’s nothing more than being wronged, feeling unhappy, and wanting to vent negative emotions. A psychologist once said that when children throw tantrums, they are actually a sign of their inner vulnerability. They seem to be putting pressure on their parents, but they are actually asking for help from their closest relatives. They will not lose their temper at others, because in his subconscious, only his parents are the closest people to him, and only his parents can allow him to be unscrupulous and help him heal. And he took off his disguise and acted without reservation. Although this method is not good, it also sends a message of help to his parents: I feel uncomfortable, please help me. Writer Rebus once said: When a child gets angry at you, he wants you to go into his heart and solve the problem. We should be happy. But how many children have sent out signals to their parents for help time and time again, only to be met with bone-chilling violence? Children who dare not even lose their temper are the most pitiful. If you are a child and ask someone for help one after another, but the only answers you get are scolding and violence, then will you still be close to him? Do unto others, do not impose on others. Children, like us, can feel their parents\’ bad attitude towards them and become farther and farther away from them. At an age when they should be playing around, crying and laughing, they have lost the temper and willfulness that children should have. Looking at the faces of adults, they are deeply afraid that if they are not careful, they will incur their parents\’ dissatisfaction, and they tremble every day. Some psychological research points out that people who are excessively depressed and lackluster in childhood are more likely to suffer from depression as adults. A moment of neglect by parents and beating and scolding of their children may cause a lifelong shadow on the children. A child\’s tendency to lose his temper is a necessary stage in his growth. As adults, we may not be able to handle our own emotional problems, let alone children? Therefore, when a child loses his temper, parents should be patient and patient, learn to see through the real needs hidden behind the child\’s temper, and accompany the child to capture, accept and solve it.

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