• Sun. Dec 3rd, 2023

What should I do if my daughter thinks she is ugly?

One night last week, the two sisters rarely went to bed early and were finally able to go into Xiaopai\’s room and cuddle up with her. The little girl was lying on my lap, looking at her profile in the dim light. Just as she was quietly sighing that her eldest daughter was showing off, she suddenly drooped her eyelids and said softly, \”Mom, I think I am the ugliest in our class.\” Girl.\” When I heard this sentence, I almost instinctively jumped up and couldn\’t help opening my mouth. I quickly asked who said this and why I thought so? \”No one said anything about me. You see, I\’m dark and thin, and not good-looking at all.\” I took two deep breaths before calming down a little and said, \”You\’re not ugly at all. You\’re really good-looking. Many people say you\’re not good-looking at all.\” You are slender and classically beautiful, and you are the most beautiful in my mother\’s heart.\” After hearing this, the little angel shrouded in dark clouds seemed to clear up a little, and he slowly fell asleep against me. I tossed and turned for a long time that night, and suddenly it occurred to me that when I was about eight or nine years old, I looked in the mirror one morning and discovered a few freckles on my cheeks. From then on, I felt that I was an ugly girl with pockmarks. From now on, I will count my freckles every morning, for fear that I will have one more freckle when I wake up. I never want my daughter to experience the cowardice of living in self-denial for a long time. I repeatedly weighed the two words I said to Xiaopai. Is this force enough to untie her knot? If it\’s not enough, what should I do? Over the weekend, I saw P!nk, a Grammy Award-winning singer, share a similar story at an awards ceremony. I was amazed by how she handled it. One day, her 6-year-old daughter ran to her and told her that she felt ugly, like a boy with long hair. After being shocked by these words, P!nk spent two days making a PPT for his daughter. There are artists of different genders, different skin colors, different body types, and different personalities on the PPT. She told her daughter that these people all looked different, but they insisted on living their true selves. After going through hardships, they all turned into beautiful pearls and were loved by countless people in the world. She asked her daughter again, \”Do you think mom is beautiful?\” The daughter nodded. She continued to ask, \”Have you ever seen your mother grow her hair long? Have you ever seen her mother lose weight and change her strong figure? Have you ever seen her mother change the way she presents herself?\” The daughter shook her head. \”Are mom\’s concert tickets selling like hotcakes all over the world? Do you think mom is beautiful?\” The daughter nodded. P!nk said, \”Dear daughter, what we have to do is not to change ourselves, but to help others change so that they can appreciate more diverse beauties in the world. And my baby, you are very beautiful, I love you !\” Looking at the proud smiling face of P!nk\’s daughter at the scene, a girl who can get such an answer from her mother will shine brightly throughout her life. I admire what P!nk said so much. When her children began to care about their appearance, she did not stop at discussing beauty and ugliness, but found the root of the problem: affirm yourself, live your true self, and respect and tolerate the world. A different kind of beauty. This kind of situation is probably what children and the whole world need most “aesthetic education”. Thinking of the \”First Lesson of School\” that was hotly discussed a while ago, many \”little fresh meat\” were invited to the program.The children are cheering for the start of school. Many people accuse these male idols of being too feminine, not masculine enough, and unmanly. There are even sarcastic comments such as \”a teenage girl is a Chinese girl.\” Is the problem really about \”mother\”? After discussing with several mothers around me, we are not familiar with these pretty faces that look similar to each other. We don’t understand them and we can’t say we are disgusted. What we care about is, when all idols are \”about the same\”, how will children imitate them? I think the key to the problem is not \”mother\”, but that it is too single. One mother said that her son, who is in junior high school, has started shaving his eyebrows and bought a bunch of skin care products and cosmetics, which she found unacceptable. I wanted to know my son’s thoughts. My son said that his friends all liked this kind of dress and he wanted to catch up with this “trend”. But does he really like himself like this? The son said that he had never thought about it. If others liked him, it would be good if he could be popular. Probably most children are not as lucky as P!nk’s daughter to be able to see PPTs like that since they were young. For them, for whom imitation accounts for a large part of their learning, can they find their true selves in a single voice? Maybe it\’s too difficult. But even if the child can find his true self, can he live well? I watched a Taiwanese documentary \”So So What\”, which contained a story about this. It begins with a mother telling how she has a very well-behaved and sensible son. He was able to help his mother at work and give her massages when he was very young. Everyone said that such a good son was as good as the other three. But since elementary school, some people have told this mother that it is abnormal for her son to like girls\’ things. She took her son to the hospital, and the doctor diagnosed that the child was fine and very healthy. For the child, the nightmare continues. He never dared to go to the toilet after class because his classmates would take off his pants and check to see if he was a girl. Just because he didn\’t like playing with boys and wasn\’t \”masculine\” enough, he was bullied and even beaten in school. When he was 15 years old, he went to the toilet 5 minutes before get out of class and was found lying in a pool of blood, dead. My mother has never been able to accept this fact. One day she received a letter from a child. The letter said that there were many children like her son in the world who were bullied and even committed suicide by jumping off buildings. She hoped that she could stand up and save these children. So she began to participate in demonstrations across Taiwan. She said, \”Children, you must be brave. We are not wrong. When heaven and earth created you, there must be a dawn for you to fight for human rights. Be yourself, don\’t be afraid!\” He Two years after her son passed away, Taiwan passed the Gender Equality Education Law, and this mother has been participating in demonstrations to encourage these \”different\” children. The last sentence of the documentary, \”Behind every different person, there is someone who loves him.\” It made me feel so sad that I couldn\’t stop crying. A diverse and inclusive aesthetic is what our entire world needs to strive for. I think if every parent could make a PPT like that when their children start to have questions about aesthetics. When children meet \”different\” people, they can guide them to look at them with respect and tolerance. Tell children that there is no need to blindly pursue appearance, and there is no need toRestricted by birth and gender. As long as it is something you really want to do, you can bravely try and persist. Will the world belonging to children in the future become much more beautiful? Respecting every living individual (including myself), staying true to myself, and living the life that I desire deep in my heart are now my best expectations and blessings for my daughters.

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