• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

What should parents do when their naughty children make mistakes?


Oct 1, 2023

Imagine if you opened the door and found that your child had smashed a bowl and the floor was a mess, how would you react? Perhaps few parents will remain calm. I recently saw a video online, in which the way my father handled the situation was admirable and heart-warming. In the video, the little boy of about four or five years old accidentally broke his mother\’s favorite bowl when he was taking a banana. When his father saw this, he adopted a series of textbook-style educational guidance: He first patiently asked his son what happened, and initially \” Understand the situation of the incident\”; after confirming that the child was not injured, he said it was a \”little accident\” and continued to \”calm the child\’s emotions\”; then, he showed his son how to clean up the debris and guided the child to take \”remedial measures\”; then he did not cover up and truthfully They told their son that this was a beloved item of their mother\’s and it was very important to her, so they needed to make amends and apologize, and bought a gift for their mother to do \”upbringing and emotional intelligence education.\” In every step, the father maintained a stable mood and full patience, without any complaints or dissatisfaction. Under the guidance of his tolerant and wise father, the little boy sincerely apologized to his mother without panicking or evading the whole process. Polish writer Sienkiewicz said: If every child can have a \”gentle hand\” guiding him forward instead of kicking him in the chest, then education can better fulfill its mission. An insignificant detail of life often interprets profound educational truths. When faced with a child who accidentally \”makes a mistake\” in life, many parents will react violently, and even can\’t help but say nasty words to their children, looking hideous. As everyone knows, the state of parents at the moment determines the child\’s mentality when facing mistakes. Must-read parenting books recommended for parents to listen to and download psychological adjustment in children’s families. The more critical parents are, the worse their children will be. I had a roommate in college who told her first experience of cooking instant noodles. When she was in elementary school, she was very willing to try. When she finally got the opportunity to cook noodles from her mother, she was excited and nervous. Looking at the steaming rice pot, she panicked for a moment. She hurriedly opened the packaging bag and threw all the bread and seasoning packets into the pot. My mother stood aside and said with a look of disgust: \”Go away, you clumsy person!\” She quickly took out the seasoning bag with chopsticks and told her roommate to stay away. \”Let me try again!\” The roommate begged her mother, then picked up an egg and tried to crack it into the dough. But the steam coming out was so hot that my roommate raised his hand so high that he almost dropped the egg out of the pot. This scene couldn\’t escape her mother\’s eyes, and she started to curse again: \”You are so stupid. You know how to make trouble for me every day. Look at the mess you made on the stove. Don\’t come here again!\” The roommate lowered his head silently and walked away. Never came near the pot again. That experience made her tacitly admit that she was a clumsy person, someone who always caused trouble for others, and someone who couldn\’t do anything well. Even though she is an adult, she is still worried about cooking noodles, and now she is unwilling to cook. Education scholar Yin Jianli said: \”There are no children who make mistakes, only children whose behavior is inappropriate.\” Every child will make various inappropriate or inconsistent behaviors as they grow up.Accurate behavior, such as breaking a bowl, knocking over a water glass, cooking a pot of rice, or doing a wrong question… If the parents criticize, accuse, and picky the more they do, the experience the child will get from this experience is failure, Avoidance and rejection. For children, this mistake is not a valuable growth step, but will become a painful memory and may become the source of low self-esteem, timidity, and laziness. Children need love, especially when they are not worthy of love. In addition to inadvertent mistakes caused by lack of ability, sometimes children\’s \”mistakes\” are premeditated. At these times, it is not enough for parents to have a tolerant heart, but they must also have a pair of sharp eyes to discover the true intentions behind their children\’s behavior. In the TV series \”The Second Embrace\”, a girl Wen Hao stole a comic book from a bookstore. When the store manager found out, he severely criticized her and even grabbed her to call her parents. Fang Yuan happened to be passing by here and \”rescued\” Wen Hao as his aunt. In the coffee shop, Fang Yuan did not use the label \”thief\” to criticize Wen Hao, but asked in detail the reason. It turned out that Wen Hao had always liked drawing comics, but her father was adamant and refused to buy her comic books. Unable to restrain her inner desire, Wen Hao still took the wrong step. There is no doubt that what the child did was definitely wrong and needed to be stopped and corrected. From the child\’s perspective, the reason why she did this was really a helpless move after she had no choice but to do anything. Therefore, only by understanding the needs behind the child\’s behavior can we truly judge the \”wrong\” direction, truly understand the child, and empathize with him. The famous child psychologist Rudolf Drex once pointed out: \”Children\’s misbehavior is usually because they have the wrong goal. That is seeking attention, striving for power, seeking revenge, self-defeat.\” Just like the girl in the story above. Wen Hao was actually in a power struggle with her parents. Although her parents did not allow her to buy books, she still couldn\’t restrain her inner desire and urgently needed to get the comic book. There are also some children whose behaviors may seem \”unreasonable\”, but in fact, behind them are inner struggles. For example, children may disturb their parents at inappropriate times, behave strangely, or even lose their temper, cry, etc. They actually use this to seek attention and emotional response. Therefore, even if we find that children are not cute enough and always cause us trouble and make us crazy and uncontrollably angry, it is not because they are ignorant, but because the children are longing to be filled with a sense of belonging and the love of their parents. This is what smart parents do when faced with children who make mistakes. I once read the story of \”genius boy\” Cao Yuan and was inspired by it. When he was a child, he had super destructive abilities. In order to complete a chemical experiment, he actually took his mother\’s silver bracelet as an experimental raw material. He disassembled and reassembled various electrical appliances at home, including the school projector. But his parents did not blame him for this. Instead, they discovered his potential and encouraged him to study. In the end, this \”trouble-loving\” boy lived up to expectations and was admitted to the Youth Class of the University of Science and Technology of China with a high score of 699 when he was only 14 years old. A \”genius boy\” turned out to be born. Since then, he has been cheating all the way, achieving higher and higher levels, and went to the United States to study in the United States at the age of 16.He studied for a PhD at the age of 18 and published several research papers in top journals at the age of 22. It is not terrible for a child to always \”make mistakes\”. The key is whether parents can help their children learn from them and turn \”mistakes\” into sparks for their children\’s growth. Romain Rolland said: \”You should do some wrong things in life. Doing wrong things is to gain knowledge.\” When children make mistakes, instead of getting angry and reasoning with them, parents should see the significance of mistakes to their children\’s growth and give their children time. growing up. In this regard, parents must first manage themselves well, and they may wish to start with the following three things. 1. Control your emotions and be rational. Host Huang Han once recalled that her daughter accidentally broke her thermos cup, and she was so angry that she slapped her daughter. This was the only time she spanked her child and caused her to lose control of her emotions for a moment, which she regretted endlessly. Children are far more important than a thermos cup, but parents who lose control are very easy to get lost and do things that hurt their children and make them regret deeply. In fact, emotional loss and self-control are hidden in the parents\’ thoughts. The key that truly determines whether parents become emotional captives or emotional managers is the parents\’ self-awareness and will. When we have the awareness of emotional self-control and appropriately use methods such as changing our perception of children\’s behavior and diverting attention, our emotions can be completely controlled by ourselves. Only when parents first achieve emotional stability can they provide better guidance and education to their children. 2. Give your child a chance to explain. A mother said that once she was washing her daughter\’s school uniform and found that the pockets were dark, and she was very angry. But she did not attack immediately, but asked her daughter what was going on. After hearing this, she was instantly moved. It turned out that her daughter’s school gave out chocolates, but she didn’t want to eat them herself, so she put them in her pocket and took them home to try for her mother. My mother said that the dirty clothes that almost caused her to collapse actually hid a deep love. Children\’s \”mistakes\” are sometimes defined by their parents. They may cause them trouble or make them unhappy. Only by giving children the opportunity to talk and listen to the reasons behind their mistakes will they be able to peel off the cocoons and truly see the children\’s inner thoughts. This is also a kind of respect for the children and a bridge to achieve spiritual communication between parents and children. 3. Let children learn to take responsibility. Whether a child breaks a bowl or spills a glass of milk, this is not a serious mistake. What is important is that children learn how to save and take responsibility, and truly turn mistakes into opportunities for growth: Parents blame, beat and scold their children, which breeds their inferiority and restraint; parents take over and replace their children, which leads to their indifference and selfishness; and parents set examples and teach, and let children try to take responsibility on their own, so that they can be cultivated Their sense of responsibility and courage to face mistakes. The famous psychologist Scott Pike said: \”The love of parents determines the quality of family education. An education full of love brings luck, and an education lacking love can only lead to misfortune.\” When a child makes a mistake, look up Whether he meets a pair of gentle eyes or a pair of sharp eyes determines his inner temperature and attitude towards the world. Give children a warm response, and they will feel love, have strength in their minds, and be born towards the sun. Because only by feeling better can children truly become better. I wish we could allGive children the warmth of love, and let them gradually grow into kind, responsible, and self-accepting people here.

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