• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

What should we do if a couple quarrels that are most harmful to their children?

There are very few parents in the world who do not quarrel. No matter how loving a couple is, they will inevitably encounter conflicts and have fierce quarrels. After the quarrel, regardless of whether the problem was resolved or not, the temper was over and the emotions were vented, and everything seemed to be calm again. However, parents often quarrel, which is the most harmful to children! Every harsh word that parents say to attack each other during a quarrel may be just temporary anger for the couple and they may not take it to heart, but the children will take it all in and take it to heart. They are frightened, anxious and unable to understand, let alone what to do to change the situation. As a result, their subconscious minds will create some problems in exchange for harmony with their parents, such as teeth grinding, nightmares, frequent illness, inattention, losing tempers, disobedience to instructions, and lax learning. It turns out that the experience of parents quarreling in childhood can have such a profound impact on a child, and the huge negative energy it brings is enough to destroy the child\’s life! Even more harmful than parental divorce to children… Many people don\’t know that \”parental quarrels\” often become painful memories for children, and this memory may even follow them into adulthood. \”Arguments\” stimulate young memories. In a family therapy session, a man told us about a conflict he had with his wife. One night, he and his wife had a verbal conflict over a disagreement about a family matter. During that time, his work was not going well, and his parents were sick at the same time. Besides their busy work, he and his wife had to run around to take care of two elderly people, and they were very tired every day. . The difference between the two that night was just a small matter, but for some reason they couldn\’t give in to each other\’s words, and the more they talked, the more excited they became. His wife listed all the things she felt she had felt \”wronged\” about many years ago. The more he listened, the more annoyed he became, and she blurted out: If you don\’t want to stay in this house, get out. This sentence angered his wife, who suddenly made an unexpected move, walked into the room and dragged out his son who was doing homework, pointed at him and said to his son: Your dad wants me to get out! See what good it will do to you if I leave! From now on, you can live with your father, and he will take care of you! Seeing the frightened look on his son\’s face, he was so frightened that he cried loudly. He pulled his wife and said, \”Mom, don\’t leave. Mom, I was wrong!\” While his son was pulling, his wife broke away and walked towards the door, but from time to time she turned around and pointed at him and cursed him. He couldn\’t remember what he was scolding, but he suddenly became furious and somehow recalled a scene from his childhood – his mother. Holding a bag of clothes, he angrily walked out the door. As he walked, he turned back and pointed at him and said: If it weren\’t for you, I would have left! And he was probably standing at the door crying, and his father was sitting at the table and yelled at him: A boy cries when he leaves his mother, are you embarrassed? Trembling with rage, he rushed to his wife to stop her from cursing. He pulled his son away and pushed him aside, then grabbed his wife and slapped her. This slap in the face became an insurmountable scar for him and his wife. But it all happened in just a moment. When he calmed down, he felt not only regretful but also horrified. When he was a child, his parents often quarreled. At that time, there was only one room in their house, and his parents always quarreled in front of him. He said that when he saw his son pulling his wife, he was heartbroken.Somehow, the scene of his parents quarreling when he was a child flashed back in his mind. This man said that he was not a violent person and had never touched his wife before. Sometimes he would slam the door and leave when he got angry, but that was all. But this time it seemed completely out of control. Later, he thought that it was the scene of his wife dragging out his son that deeply hurt him. He prevented his wife from saying those words to his son. In fact, it was his inner desire to prevent his mother from saying those words to the young him. The psychological impact of \”quarrels\” on children Many parents quarrel in front of their children, but many people don\’t know that parents\’ quarrels often become painful memories for children, and this memory may even follow them into adulthood. Parents\’ quarrels can also have a profound impact on children, just like this man, who suddenly lost control when this memory was activated. One girl told me that every time her parents quarreled, she would hide under the quilt and cry. Sometimes she would protest to her parents and ask them to stop arguing in front of her. But parents will say, what does it have to do with you if we quarrel? However, when parents quarrel, it’s really none of their children’s business. Neurological research has found that when children hear yelling or yelling, their stress hormones spike. Because parents quarreling threatens the children\’s originally safe family environment, many children are afraid of their parents quarreling, and the younger the child, the more afraid they are. Seeing parents quarrel will make children very anxious, because parents are the main source of security for children. When parents are out of control, children will feel that the world has become very scary. Children who see their parents arguing or even fighting each other will always be afraid of their parents getting divorced. When children are mentioned in parents\’ quarrels, children can easily think that they are responsible for their parents\’ quarrels, which will make children feel guilty about their parents from an early age. Anxious and worried children have no way to seek comfort from angry parents. They can only forcefully suppress their fears. These fears may later trigger broader anxiety in children and cause them to exhibit rebellious or even deviant behavior. Conflict is a part of life and no couple can avoid it. There is nothing wrong with a couple expressing their differences in front of their children. If parents can use this opportunity to show their children how they resolved their differences and finally reached a consensus on action, it would be a good thing for the children. thing, because they have learned an important skill in getting along with others-negotiation. But if parents quarrel or abuse because of differences, even if they reconcile later, it will have a negative impact on the children, because the children will witness how the two most important people to them hurt and humiliate each other. They use this behavior to set an example for their children – when adults have conflicts, they solve the problem by arguing and swearing. Adults who are not good at resolving marital conflicts, if you look at their parents, are often also people who are not good at resolving conflicts. \”Quarrels\” make children heal throughout their lives. Frequent quarrels between parents are a huge harm to children, even more than the blow caused by parents\’ divorce. If you don’t believe it, you can read the personal experiences and feelings of netizens. @habit becomes natural: smallWhen they quarreled, I would get scared and frightened, but now I have gradually gotten used to it. Even if they divorce in front of me now, I won\’t say anything. Fear can turn into a habit, and a habit can turn into apathy. @ wish: My parents often quarreled, quarreling until they were hysterical, and quarreling until they separated, but they never divorced. Mom always says, if it weren\’t for you, I would have divorced your dad long ago! In fact, I really want to say, why didn\’t you leave earlier? @Box: The busiest time at home is when they are quarreling, and the quietest time is when they are having a cold war. I was in the room, and the quarrels coming in from outside were always mixed with words like money, tiredness, and suffering. Every time I heard these, I started asking myself over and over again: Why should I study? Why am I alive? Why don\’t I die? @Khaleesiii: When I was young, my parents always quarreled and even got violent. Every time, I was so scared that I could only cry. I am now 30 years old. Sometimes when I see my colleagues quarreling, it has nothing to do with me. I still get scared and my heart beats loudly when I am next to them. I feel very scary. I think this shadow will follow me for the rest of my life… @ Such Nan Mui: When I was in college, all my classmates were homesick, and I was the only one who was afraid of going home during the holidays. I don’t want to get married even when I am 30. I always feel that family is not that desirable. @美梅: My parents brought me too many negative things, which resulted in my character having flaws that even I hate. Most of my classmates and I are just casual acquaintances. I have no close friends. I am unwilling to open my heart to others, and I don’t like to mention anything about my family to others. I don\’t know how to get angry. Others always think I have a good temper. Only I know that it\’s because I don\’t know how to express my emotions. @思看月中天: They have a turmoil. I can think of thousands of quarreling scenes, and then I feel out of breath, which is very painful. @ Spicy Girl: A marriage full of contradictions and conflicts between my parents is an invisible torture to me. Every time I see my classmates tell interesting stories about a family of three, I can only envy them. I don’t remember this at all. nor. @天天: When I was a child, my parents never stopped quarreling, and it was common for them to get physical. I don’t remember how many times I hid under the quilt in the middle of the night, covering my ears and crying, wanting to cry but not daring to cry. Nowadays, my personality is sensitive and introverted, and I can’t trust any man. Because of this, I have been single until now. These netizens come from different families, but they have the same childhood experience: parents often quarreled. Yes, no one wants to quarrel with their lover. We always have a thousand and ten thousand reasons to excuse ourselves or blame each other, so we must fight to solve it. However, as parents, do we consider our children’s feelings when we quarrel? How to make up for the negative impact on children. If parents really accidentally break out in a heated argument in front of their children, what should they do to make up for the negative impact on their children? Many children have difficulty fully understanding why their parents argue, so if parents argue in front of their children, they should explain to their children what exactly happened. Whether they reconcile or not, stop blaming the other person when talking about it. If parents involve their children in the quarrel, they need to explain to their children even moreZi explained the situation and even needed to apologize for his behavior. This approach is so effective that it has been found to work even on babies who are not yet able to talk. A couple had an argument at home, and their 6-month-old child was frightened to tears. Although they stopped arguing and the child eventually stopped crying, the child refused to sleep all night. The couple held the child and each explained to him in calm tones what had happened. Mom said: Your father and I had a fight just now. It was some trivial matter, but I was very angry at the time and started scolding him. Dad said: I had a quarrel with your mother just now. She was very tired so she was in a bad mood. She said a few words to me, but I couldn\’t control my emotions and we quarreled with her. We didn\’t quarrel because of you, and we\’re fine now. Although they were not sure whether the child would understand, soon after they did this, the child actually fell asleep peacefully. Download all 65 episodes of Children\’s Educational Cartoon Ranking – Gambling Family. When a couple has a quarrel in front of their children, they must tell their children what happened at that time and tell them that their quarrel has nothing to do with them. But no matter what, we hope that parents will not quarrel in front of their children, let alone humiliate and abuse each other in front of their children. Parents are the source of children\’s sense of security. When parents quarrel, children will experience the fear of lack of security, and the memory of fear , is the most difficult memory to disappear.

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