• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

What should you expect as you grow up with your children?


Oct 1, 2023

The \”double reduction\” policy has achieved remarkable results since its release and implementation. However, there are still some parents who firmly believe in the time-and-sweat training model to put more emphasis on their children, and still like to simply compare their children with other people\’s children, which only increases anxiety; there are still some teachers who firmly believe that answering a lot of questions is a good way to improve scores, and the admission rate is a way to reduce the risk. In the first place. This shows that establishing the concept of scientific education in the whole society is a major issue that needs to be solved urgently in the current education reform and development. What should we expect from our children? In family education, what is the starting direction for parents to lead? Let’s take a look at today’s article. They say a good start is half the battle, why is it important to start well? What is \”good\”? What counts as \”good\”? I think the importance of starting lies in the direction. If the direction is right, every bit of future efforts will become valuable; if the direction is wrong, then future efforts will be meaningless. The importance of the beginning also lies in the expectations for this trip. This expectation is sometimes expressed as setting the goals of the trip, and sometimes it is expressed as the pursuit of the value of the trip. The rightness or wrongness of this expectation determines the start. The quality determines whether this trip can \”go far\”. British educator Whitehead\’s purpose of education PDF The education a person receives throughout his life begins with the initial family education. In this sense, good family education accounts for half of the success of a person\’s lifetime education; the beginning of a good family education accounts for half of the success of family education. Therefore, it is meaningful to discuss the start of family education. The start of family education mainly discusses parents’ expectations for their children and the starting direction led by parents. Psychological expectations when setting off. Psychological expectations are sometimes called goals, sometimes called visions, sometimes called dreams, and sometimes called by other names. It doesn\’t matter what you call it, what matters is that you have expectations. We don’t know whether the child had expectations for himself when he was born. But we know that from the moment a child is born, he is exposed to the expectations of his parents. He feels his parents\’ expectations all the time, and he is very willing to turn his parents\’ expectations into his own expectations for himself. This kind of expected recognition sometimes turns into strength in the child\’s growth process, and sometimes it turns into the child\’s avoidance of growth. No matter what kind of transformation, it tells us how important parents\’ expectations are. When looking at current parents, there are roughly the following types of psychological expectations. Expectation 1: Many parents of the glorious \”Qingbei\” famous school hope that their children will grow up to be great people. From a big perspective, it means serving the motherland, but from a small perspective, it brings glory to one\’s face. This is understandable. In the beginning, this psychological expectation is vague. Usually when the child is about 3 years old, parents will strengthen their psychological expectations. In the first grade of elementary school, parents will be particularly enthusiastic about their children\’s learning. By the fifth and sixth grade of elementary school, psychological expectations begin to diverge, and some parents slowly accept the ordinaryness of their children. And this process of slow acceptance must be accompanied by countless complaints for children. A very small number of children finally enter the glorious \”Qingbei\” prestigious school. This is the moment when psychological expectations end, and it seems that the mission has been completed. Parents, like children, will look forLooking forward to the next one. Expectation Two: Dazzling Talents We have many children who have become dazzling \”young geniuses\” through a lot of time investment. They gave up many normal experiences for this talent. But no matter how much they give up, there may be very few children who are truly dazzling in the end. Most parents finally discover the ordinaryness of their children, and in the process, the children have shed too many tears. As children grow up, the normal experiences they lose due to learning talents become the cause of their later problems. Expectation 3: As long as they are happy, some parents will say: I have no expectations for my children, as long as they are happy, our generation has worked so hard and we don’t want our children to have to work hard. Such parents will have fewer demands on their children and usually give them more freedom. The children are indeed very happy. However, at the same time, children may become willful because they are used to freedom, and are often complained by teachers and peers because of their willfulness. Also because of willfulness, children will have difficulty completing learning tasks, and these difficulties will gradually eliminate the original happiness. Such parents usually complain that teachers force their children to obey discipline and complete homework. They always emphasize that \”I just want my children to be happy.\” They often say: \”I gave you a sunny child, but you destroyed my sunny child.\” Being happy due to willfulness and indulgence will eventually become the cause of pain. Expectation 4: Casual psychological expectations I use the word \”casual\” to express the psychological expectations of these parents, because these parents\’ psychological expectations for their children belong to the \”ebb and flow\”: one moment this way, another moment that way, and another moment The expectations were very strong, and for a while there were no expectations at all. Children under this kind of psychological expectation often show a lack of security, have a irritable temperament, and can be aggressive. The above analysis is about some of the “mainstream” expectations among parents today. We can often find the corresponding state among the parents around us. When we analyze these psychological expectations, we want to discuss what kind of expectations parents hold are most conducive to the growth of their children. First of all, having no expectations is definitely inappropriate. Having no expectations is not in line with the human nature of parents and is not in line with the laws of education. Secondly, because expectations will eventually be internalized into children’s life pursuits, expectations should accompany children’s lifelong growth. At first, expectations were a kind of trust placed by parents on their children. Later, they became a consensus between children and their parents. Later, they became the credo of children\’s lives, and they used this to express gratitude for their parents\’ spiritual gifts. Again, expectations should be something every child can achieve through hard work. When children are young, parents actually don’t know what talents their children have. If we take it for granted and design the future of our children, family education will become a mutual torture between the two generations. Therefore, from my personal understanding, parents’ expectations for their children’s growth can be “kindness in heart and hard work in action”, that is, our children should grow into a person with “kindness in heart and hard work in action”. Then a consensus about growth is formed between parents and children: be kind-hearted and not afraid of suffering, and work hard without being afraid of hardship. In the end, it becomes a life belief that is deeply rooted in the child\’s bones. No matter what the situation is, the kindness of the heart will never change, and the behavior will never change.s hard work. And \”kindness of heart and hard work\” is something that everyone can achieve. It’s not like the elite schools in “Qingbei” that have admission rates, and it’s not like young geniuses who have chance in life. It can also be adhered to throughout life, because there are small kindnesses, which are beneficial to oneself without harming others; there are also great kindnesses, which are self-sacrifice for the world. From small kindness to great kindness, life is always experiencing the difficulty and joy of breakthroughs. \”A kind heart and hard work\” cannot guarantee that children will win in life, but they can certainly ensure that children do not lose in life. Because you will be popular if you have a kind heart, and you will be respected if you work hard. If a person is popular and respected, even if he has no achievements, even if he is always mediocre, he will at least have lasting satisfaction. Therefore, instead of working hard to ensure that their children win, parents should work harder to prevent their children from losing. If we parents all have the expectation of \”kindness of heart and hard work\”, our children will not be arrogant because they have some great talents, nor will they give up because they have some shortcomings. The education on how to start a journey is to be seen and heard, and it is also taught by words and deeds. The former includes the conscious and unconscious education of parents, while the latter must be conscious and deliberate by parents. When we discuss the beginning of family education, what we should discuss is the words and deeds of parents. A mother once asked me seriously: What is the best thing for her three-year-old son to learn? I said: Don’t send him to school to learn anything. Just learn to eat, sleep, and use the toilet at home. Just cultivate these three habits. The mother was very surprised: Aren’t these things innate? Do you still need to study? We all know that good habits last a lifetime, but we don’t know that good habits come from lasting words and deeds. The way to start family education must not be with those dazzling talents and glorious knowledge, but with the ordinary habits of food, clothing, housing, transportation, and dealing with others. Before a habit can become a habit, it needs to develop a set of behaviors and the attitudes associated with the behaviors. If a child can eat all the food in the bowl from the beginning, then the so-called \”compact disc\” will come naturally. If the food in the bowl can be left at will at the beginning, then after getting used to it, the result will be a strong resistance to \”discretion\”. In the future, sufficient education, assessment and other external forces will be required to force the \”discretion\”. Get it right the first time and then automate the behavior into a habit. There is no training institution that can do this. This can only be done by parents or grandparents who provide family education on behalf of parents. Eating is a major event in life, and it takes a lifetime. If parents regard eating as an important matter and teach it through words and deeds, children will naturally feel the importance of eating. Parents must be consistent in what they teach and teach next. For example, you should start eating on time and finish on time; you should have tableware when eating, which is always clean and tidy; you should eat rice and vegetables when you eat, and always take what you need and not waste it; eat with etiquette and use chopsticks in order; vegetables are different and picky eaters The most taboo… After you develop good eating habits, many beautiful qualities will be embedded in them. For example, caring for food does not require education, it is just a matter of habit. For example, self-discipline, this particularly excellent quality, is gradually formed in the process of taking what is needed. we can stillList more children\’s growth in developing this habit. Therefore, education is accomplished in bits and pieces of daily life, and family education is made up of these bits and pieces of daily life. Many parents, like the previous mother, have different thoughts: When I was a child, there seemed to be no training on eating, sleeping, and using the toilet. Aren\’t I pretty good? Does it need to be cultivated? This is indeed the case, and it is completely normal to have this question. For example, in the past when the economy and society were underdeveloped, when it was dark and there were not many lights, especially when they were reluctant to use electric lights, people naturally went to bed early. If they went to bed early, they would naturally wake up early. When they got up in the morning, they would not feel sleepy. Not enough, sleep does not need to be cultivated. It’s different now. The lights are brightly lit at night and there are many night activities. I think the night is more interesting than the day. There are many reasons for children not to go to bed. In this case, if you do not cultivate your children\’s sleeping habits, they will easily stay up at night and wake up in the morning. Times have changed, so will education, and the content of family education will also change accordingly. As far as children\’s growth is concerned, if good habits cannot be developed, it means that bad habits have been developed. After bad habits are formed, it will be very hard to change them and cultivate good habits again. Many parents of primary school students find that their children have severe procrastination in studying, which is very painful. In fact, children with procrastination usually have poor eating and sleeping habits. There are also many parents who find that their children are careless in studying, and the table is covered with scraps of paper, pen, and eraser, and they cannot change it no matter what. When such students eat, the table is often covered with rice and vegetable stains. The model of living habits and study habits is the same. Therefore, everyone in education will emphasize that life is education. But we now isolate life from study, and try to reduce the time and energy they spend on life in order for children to learn well. This is a very stupid thing. Starting a journey is just a matter of \”following the instructions\”. We will become a kind-hearted and hard-working person, which is the psychological expectation for our children when they start their journey, and we will do it consistently; we will develop the three most basic habits of eating, sleeping and going to the toilet as the basis of family education. Opening method. These two understandings are equivalent to the understanding we have before preparing lessons. Once these understandings are in place, we will write lesson plans and go to class. How to take the class? For parents, it is very simple but also very difficult. The simplicity is that we just need to show it to our children. The difficulty is that everything we want our children to do, we parents should do it first. For parents, they do it for their children to see, and for children, they do it after their parents do it. No matter how difficult a habit is, it will become natural as long as you follow it from the beginning. Every child has strong learning ability. He feels the world with his eyes and pores all the time, and they are most willing to imitate what his parents do. Of course, parents will also make a common mistake. They will be different when their children are there than when they are not there. They think that as long as the children are not there, it doesn’t matter what they do. As everyone knows, children are smart little devils. In fact, they know everything. . We want our children to become kind-hearted and hard-working people. Then, our parents’ words and deeds should all exudeThe scent of kindness and hard work. If we want our children to develop good habits of eating, sleeping, and going to the toilet, we must first have these good habits ourselves. Only in this way can family education have a good start and family education can be on the road to success. What measures the success of family education is not whether our children can win \”the world\”, but first and foremost, when looking back on the past, it is enough to be worthy of the \”world\”. Having a clear conscience means not losing.

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