• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

What to do if your child is robbed of something? Please let him snatch it back decisively.

Just after breakfast on Saturday, my daughter Xiaofan went out making a fuss. Unexpectedly, within five minutes, my mother brought her back with tears in her eyes. It turned out that Xiaofan was playing with the newly bought big yellow duck when he was suddenly snatched away by four-year-old Ruirui. It was too late, but it was too soon. Xiaofan yelled loudly and snatched it back with lightning speed. Ruirui, who had never seen such a formation before, was so frightened that she cried loudly. Her grandmother was very distressed and asked Xiaofan half-truth and half-falsely to \”beg for an explanation\”: \”You kid, how can you be so powerful!\” She lived in the same community. , in order to avoid embarrassment, my mother quickly stepped forward to comfort Ruirui and asked Xiaofan to share the toy with her. Xiaofan let out a cry and started crying too. \”If you have good things, you should learn to share them with others, you know? How unladylike it is for us to take back our own things like this!\” My mother gave Xiaofan \”a lesson\” after returning home. In her opinion, if a toy is robbed and snatched back immediately, it is a sign of bad temper that will be retaliated against, and sharing generously with others is a good child. I disagree with this. Because she completely confused the concepts of sharing and taking back: Sharing refers to enjoying, using, and exercising with others, provided that it is a voluntary act; taking back is to take back the items that originally belonged to oneself, and it is a passive behavior to defend sovereignty. Confusing the two may seem harmless, but in fact it shows insufficient respect for children’s property rights. Research has found that exclusivity is already evident in babies around two years old. During this period, children\’s self-awareness begins to form, and they begin to declare ownership of things by saying \”this is mine.\” As long as he has something in his hands and likes it, he will think that \”this is mine, no one else is allowed to steal it.\” Every plant, tree, bottle and cap is his exclusive property. Classmate Xiaojie once said that once, her best friend took her son Leilei to her home to play, but she and her son Xiaohu got into a fight over snatching a scooter. Due to her feelings and identity as the host, Xiaojie forced Xiaohu to make concessions and share the toy car with Leilei. Although Xiaohu cried aggrievedly and repeatedly emphasized, \”That\’s mine, I haven\’t ridden enough yet,\” she still turned a deaf ear. Afterwards, Xiaohu, who had just turned three years old, actually remembered his grudge against her and stopped touching the little motorcycle. He remained depressed and ignored her. Xiaojie realized the seriousness of the problem and apologized to her son in time, and the situation improved. Nowadays, \”sharing\” is definitely as popular as Internet celebrities in parents\’ parenting concepts. Although it is of great significance in the growth of children, forcing it will only cause great harm to their physical and mental health. Zhu Deyong has a saying that is particularly good: \”Just like different plants forcing themselves to look the same in order to adapt to the same climate, it is so absurd that we force ourselves to lose ourselves in order to adapt to the same atmosphere of the times.\” The psychologist said , during the sensitive period of children\’s self-awareness, almost all their passion and energy are spent on the construction of self-awareness. During this special period, what we parents have to do is to fully respect our children\’s wishes and ways of expressing themselves, and help them successfully complete the construction of their self-awareness. For example, please ensure that the toys and snacks in the hands of children are shared voluntarily and not forced. Many parents are worried about their children when they are youngI can\’t keep up when I grow up, and it will be difficult every step when I grow up. But in fact, where the parents cannot see, the children are already overwhelmed. There is a classic line in \”The First Half of My Life\”: Face is the most difficult thing for people to let go of, and it is also the most useless thing. If your child\’s things are robbed, even if they are taken back, it may cause embarrassment, even conflict, and damage your so-called face. I advise you to persist. Because, in my opinion, \”snatching it back\” has several important points for children\’s growth: Boundary awareness For children who have begun to develop a sense of property rights, their own belongings are sacred and inviolable. When someone is ready to acquire these items, they will even use drastic measures to protect their \”sovereignty.\” I once saw this scene in the community: four-year-old Xiao Ming was playing with his new bicycle. Another boy, Yangyang, who was slightly younger than him, was obviously attracted to this new toy and clamored to ride it too. Xiao Ming refused directly with \”This is mine, I won\’t let you ride it.\” Yangyang refused to give up and started to grab it, but was pushed away unexpectedly. Yangyang\’s mother couldn\’t watch from the sidelines, and she accused Xiao Ming of not knowing how to share and not knowing how to let his brother go. Xiao Ming\’s mother retorted firmly and forcefully: \”The car is his, and it is his freedom to control it how he wants!\” Who has the right to control who owns what belongs to him? This is the minimum boundary in interpersonal communication! ▌Knowing how to refuse to snatch other people’s toys and other property is, at best, a child’s willful behavior, but at worst, it is an out-and-out hegemonic act. To a certain extent, snatching things back is beneficial to both children: it can tell the children who take the initiative to snatch things: You are not the one to judge the laws of this world, and hegemony does not work; it can tell the children who snatch things back: There is no power in the face of power. Stand back, decisively exercise your right to refuse, and defend your sovereignty, and you will be the winner in life. As a child grows up, there are many people and things that need to be rejected. Only by knowing how to say no can you win true respect and the brilliance of life. When my cousin Xiaoya took the civil service exam, she got first place in both the written test and the interview. Unexpectedly, she encountered a \”carrot recruitment\”. A leader talked to her directly and promised to arrange other positions for her, as long as she did not make any announcement. Xiaoya immediately refused and said that she would fight to the end at all costs. Eventually, she regained her original choice of the local tax bureau’s financial position. ▌In the Overcoming Fear parenting program, parents often see their children feeling lonely and helpless after their things are robbed, and even cry loudly. They feel anxious and angry, and wish they could step forward and take them back! They asked the children why they didn\’t snatch them back, and the answers they got were basically the same: they were afraid. Afraid of offending others, afraid of not being able to beat the other person, afraid of being disliked by others… Lovecraft has a saying that makes sense: \”The oldest and strongest human emotion is fear; the oldest and strongest fear comes from Unknown.\” In fact, it\’s not that the children don\’t want to take it back, it\’s just that too many unknowns are blocking the steps they want to take. At this time, for us parents, the appropriate approach is to let our children try to grab it back. Once they found out that all the unknown worries had not happened after they got it back, the fear in their hearts was naturally eliminated and their confidence was built up. I was lucky enough to have aI chatted with teachers who often organize Chinese-Japanese summer camps. He admitted frankly that the wolf education implemented in Japan is indeed worthy of learning and reference. For example, when participating in a mountain adventure, Japanese children were more courageous, decisive, and had a stronger sense of competition. Chinese children, on the other hand, have long enjoyed the \”little emperor\” treatment of being able to open their mouths for food and stretch out their hands for clothes. They lack the necessary education on setbacks and hardships, and their personalities are even weaker, like docile little sheep. This is very deadly! You must know that children will eventually enter school and enter society. There may be a \”big bad wolf\” hiding in the unknown distance. When one day, the \”little sheep\” and the \”big bad wolf\” really meet unexpectedly, do you still expect to play out the fairy tale of \”the wolf falls in love with the sheep\”? Instead of worrying that your children may encounter \”wolves, tigers, and leopards\” on the road to growth, it is better to cultivate them into a hard-working and enterprising \”little wolf cub\” as soon as possible! Maybe you have a concern: if you learn from wolf education and ask or even encourage your children to take back their own things, will they become aggressive? This does not rule out the possibility of this happening, but there is no need to worry. After my father saw some of his granddaughter\’s \”overbearing\” behaviors, he said something particularly good: \”We are not afraid of tempers, just be reasonable.\” I believe that a sound school education, supplemented by good family nurturing, will make children do the same. It is not difficult to understand things clearly. So, parents, feel free to let your children take back what belongs to them, or become a \”little wolf cub\”! Please firmly believe that when danger comes, you will \”bare your teeth and claws.\” The quiet years are good for being lazy and docile. When it is time to take action, take action. This is the cutest appearance of a child.

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