• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

When a child makes a mistake, is it enough to just say \”I\’m sorry\”?

One afternoon not long ago, I took Xiaonuo to buy groceries after picking her up from school. There is a grocery store at the entrance of the market, which mostly sells small items worth a few yuan. Xiao Nuo enjoyed walking around alone, sometimes choosing a nail clipper, sometimes buying an eraser, and sometimes choosing a steel ball for cleaning pots. Not long after she entered the store that day, a little brother came with her mother. Her mother chose a sun hat for him at the door of the store, while the little brother ran around in the store. I stood outside the store waiting for Xiao Nuo. Suddenly there was the sound of something falling to the ground in the store. I was startled. I called Xiao Nuo and walked in to see what was going on. It turned out that when the little brother was running, he accidentally knocked over a small shelf that was slightly shorter than him. All the fans on the shelf were scattered on the ground. The little brother stood aside at a loss. His mother walked over and took the child\’s hand and said to the boss: \”I\’m sorry! I\’m sorry!\” Then she turned to the child and said, \”Baby, please tell auntie \’I\’m sorry\’.\” The child obediently apologized to the boss, but the female boss didn\’t say anything. , squatting down to pick up the fan. The little brother walked to the door of the store with his mother. The mother gave him the chosen hat to try on, then told the boss that the money was put on the counter at the door, and then took the child away. Xiaonuo hesitated between the two pencils, not knowing which one to choose. I waited for her to make a decision. While the boss was arranging the fans, he complained to me: \”This kid has real leather, and so does his mother, and he didn\’t even help pick up the fans!\” I think the boss wouldn\’t have tolerated these words if he hadn\’t considered them as customers. I didn\’t say anything until they left. Not only did this mother not let her children help pick up the fans, she was also completely indifferent. It really opened my eyes. Once, the naughty Xiao Nuo took out the clothes hanging rod from her closet and said it was her golden hoop and waved it around. After I stopped her, she still refused to put the rod back and asked to play for a little longer, promising not to swing it. She held the clothes rail between her legs to act like a tail and walked around. Unexpectedly, her \”tail\” accidentally brushed her sister\’s leg. The cross-section of the clothes drying rod was relatively rough, and my sister\’s exposed calf was scratched along a finger-length strip. Although there was no bleeding, it quickly became red and swollen. My sister was so painful that she burst into tears. Xiaonuo was frightened and whispered to her sister: \”I\’m sorry!\” After saying that, she didn\’t know what to do and looked at me at a loss. I looked at my sister\’s \”injury\”. It was definitely painful, but it didn\’t require any treatment. The main reason was that she was very angry and stared at her sister fiercely. I asked Xiao Nuo: \”We all know you didn\’t mean it, but you can\’t just apologize. What else can you do?\” After hearing what I said, Xiao Nuo started to think with relief. She first went over to give her sister a blowjob on her calf, and then asked me if I had any band-aids and wanted to put one on my sister. At this time, my sister\’s face looked much better and she told her sister that there was no need for a band-aid. After my sister said sorry again, she thought for a while and said, \”Sister, let me draw a picture for you.\” My sister was amused by her and said, \”Okay, thank you.\” She turned around and winked at me: \”Just Her painting, hey! I\’ll just accept it!\” This \”accidental injury accident\” has been successfully resolved. Just imagine, if Xiaonuo just said \”I\’m sorry\” to your sister, then just painted a picture of \”I have already\”I\’ve already apologized, what else do you want?\”, can my sister let it go? Fortunately, after apologizing, Xiaonuo helped alleviate the \”injury\”, found band-aids to stop the \”deterioration\”, and even knew how to send \”famous paintings\” as compensation. It was only the mental loss that made the war disappear. Last night, I was in the study doing chores for the office, and Xiaonuo was drawing with oil pastels on the coffee table in the living room. After a while, she ran in and whispered to me: \”Mom, I\’m sorry. , I made a mess on the coffee table! \”I followed her to the living room and took a look. Oh my god! Our coffee table was really changed beyond recognition: the original white surface was covered with dense lines, in red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. The colors were complete. Looking carefully, I also found that There were many oil pastels broken into sections. I took a deep breath several times before I restrained myself from cursing, and asked Xiaonuo calmly: \”What should I do now? She lowered her head in shame and whispered again: \”I\’m sorry.\” \”I didn\’t say anything. She thought for a while and then said to herself: \”After causing damage, you must restore it to its original state. \”So I went to wash two rags, smeared them full of soap, and the two of us worked hard to wipe the coffee table. It took a total of five or six times of scrubbing the rags before the thick layer of wax was wiped off, allowing the coffee table to \”return to its original state.\” Since Xiaonuo is a master of destruction and a genius who is good at using all resources to amuse himself, the belongings in our house are often completely changed beyond recognition, and it is common for things to be damaged. For example, yogurt is poured on the ground and trampled on, and rice is scattered all over the rice bucket. The kitchen floor, sofa or coffee table are covered with abstract paintings… Regarding these, I repeatedly emphasize one point: after doing something wrong and causing damage, you should try to restore it to the original state. Whether it is intentional or unintentional, if you do something wrong, you should apologize to others. . This point has been unanimously recognized by the majority of parents. Therefore, once a child makes a mistake, parents will teach: \”Quickly say sorry to others.\” \”Then, most people have nothing more to do. In my opinion, what is more important than saying \”I\’m sorry\” is to teach children how to be responsible for their own actions and use actions to save and make up for the other person\’s losses. In the grocery store The little brother who knocked down the shelf, his mother just asked him to say sorry to his boss without taking any other action, and the boss did not blame him. This gave him a wrong understanding: if he did something wrong, he only needed to say \”I\’m sorry.\” That’s it. In life, if you scratch someone else’s car, can you just say sorry and leave? If you knock over someone else’s fruit stand, can you say sorry and everything will be fine? Parents with a little life experience know that this will definitely work. It doesn’t make sense. We have to compensate others for their losses. Since we all know that this is a common rule in the real world, why do we only teach children to say \”I\’m sorry\”? The function of saying \”I\’m sorry\” is only psychological. It tells the other person: I am not Deliberately targeting you, not having an opinion against you, not wanting to bully you, just accidentally…doing something wrong and not saying sorry is a kind of provocation. Saying \”I\’m sorry\” cannot make up for the other party\’s substantial loss, nor can it alleviate the other party\’s loss. Physical pain. Therefore, after we use \”I\’m sorry\” to calm the other party\’s psychological harm, we still have to be responsible for the consequences of the wrong thing. If the child breaksIf we lose a child\’s toy, we should let the child compensate the other person, such as giving him his own toy, or using his own pocket money to buy another one for the other person. If a child injures a companion, we should allow the child to sincerely apologize, then take the companion to receive treatment, bear the corresponding expenses, and compensate for the corresponding losses. Try to involve the child in this process and let him provide assistance to the best of his ability. These are examples to children of how to take responsibility for their own mistakes. In this way, children will have the habit and courage to take responsibility. A responsible person is not born! Of course, we should also tell our children: Saying “I’m sorry” may not always lead to forgiveness! If the mistake we make is too serious, it is reasonable for the other party not to forgive us. Bearing the other party\’s resentment is also a responsibility we should bear. My child, if you make a mistake, don’t avoid it, don’t shrink back, and don’t be overly afraid. As long as you didn’t mean it, we will accompany you to face your mistake and take responsibility!

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