• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

When children are irritable and lose their temper, that is when they need love the most.

A friend said her 7-year-old daughter ran away from home. It turns out that last night, my daughter made a fuss and insisted on letting her friends tell her bedtime stories. After hearing the stories one after another, her daughter just refused to sleep. After working all day, my friend was sleepy and tired, so she said to her daughter angrily: \”Believe it or not, I will send you back to your hometown tomorrow!\” \”You don\’t need to send me back to your hometown!\” \”I don\’t need you to send me there. I will run away from home and go to find my grandma.\” After saying this, my daughter said fiercely. He slammed the door and went out. The friend thought the child was just talking, but unexpectedly found that her daughter was missing before going to bed. The friend was frightened and the whole family went out to find him. Finally, I found my daughter in the garden downstairs of the community, with a small bundle beside her. This time, my friend did not scold the child, but his heart could not be calm for a long time. My friend doesn’t understand. He is very dedicated to educating his children, but why are his children so ignorant? My friends don’t know that children who are willful, lose their temper, or even make trouble unreasonably are actually trying other tricks to gain attention and love. A child\’s tantrum is a call for love from his parents. \”Children lose their temper\” is a problem that almost all parents encounter in their parenting journey. In order to decode the underlying reasons for children\’s tantrums, parents also need to put effort into understanding their children\’s \”emotional codes.\” When a child loses his temper, it is because his psychological needs are not being met. Some time ago, my husband went on a business trip. During those days, my son had been looking forward to it and counting on his fingers. At that time, I secretly lamented that the relationship between the two fathers was really peaceful for many years. Unexpectedly, within a few minutes of my husband stepping into the house, the plastic father-son relationship was shattered to pieces amidst his son’s loud cries. The son was crying and pushing his husband away. I hugged my heartbroken son and asked, \”Tell mom what happened?\” \”Dad didn\’t keep his word and didn\’t buy me a ship model.\” My son said aggrievedly. I suddenly understood that my son was crying because he felt that his father\’s love for him was only perfunctory. In addition to food and clothing, children also have many psychological needs. When we are unable to meet our children\’s psychological needs, they often express their resentment by throwing tantrums and crying. Children lose their temper because they feel they have been neglected. In the movie \”Wonder Boys\”, Auggie\’s sister Via is a well-behaved girl that makes people feel heartbroken. Before her brother was born, she had all the love from her parents. But since the birth of his younger brother Auggie, he has become the sun of the family, and everyone revolves around the disabled Auggie. As a children\’s illustrator, my mother has created many works, but the protagonist of all them is Auggie. The lonely Via once said to the puppy Daisy: \”Does anyone want to know how I am today?\” When her mother realized that she was neglecting Via and took the initiative to chat with her daughter, she received a call from the school: Auggie threw up. So she hurried to school again. Watching her mother leave, Via once again felt that her brother had snatched away her mother, which made her emotionally collapsed. She threw the remote control board out angrily. On the eve of Via\’s drama performance, her dissatisfaction with her mother finally reached its peak in anger: \”When did you pay attention to me? Is it because you are bored now that Auggie has gone to school, so you started to care about me?\” \”The daughter\’s question made the mother regretful. Once upon a time, Via was her only sweetheart.A unique princess. His daughter\’s roaring and dissatisfaction are all due to his neglect of her. Thinking of this, the mother bursts into tears and the child loses his temper because he feels that the share of love is not enough. In \”Mom is Superman 3\”, ahem, his temperament changed drastically at one point. He lost his temper at his mother, said harsh words, wanted to break off the relationship, and… To run away from home. \”I don\’t want to talk to you anyway.\” \”I won\’t sleep with you at night.\” \”I won\’t sit on a rocket with you.\” \”I won\’t help you with anything you ask me to do.\” \”I plan to run away from home. \”Go to Hong Kong or the Maldives.\” It turned out that Huo Siyan had children at home, and she asked Uhm to help take care of her younger siblings. In Uhm\’s opinion, these hospitable behaviors are all signs that his mother doesn\’t love him. \”Today, my mother\’s love is a little lacking.\” This is the main reason why Nuan Nan changed his face. Psychological research has found that the biggest source of anger in children is their deep-rooted belief that no one loves them. It\’s really \”the same world, the same baby\”, even the way to ask for love is so similar. Children lose their temper because they are looking for love. Ed Tronick, a professor of psychology at the University of Manchester, once conducted a very famous experiment-the still face experiment. In the experiment, he asked a mother to interact normally with her child. The mother sat down and played with her 1-year-old baby as required. She greeted the baby, actively responded to the baby\’s various instructions, and interacted with him with eyes and smiles. At this time, the communication between mother and child was very pleasant, and the baby was very happy. Next, the still face experiment began. The mother was asked not to make any response to the baby\’s behavior. No matter what the baby did, she remained expressionless and had an indifferent face throughout the process. At this time, the baby already sensed that something was wrong. He began to become irritable and tried to get his mother\’s attention by screaming. The child who received no response eventually broke down and cried. When the mother reached out to hug her child, the irritable child immediately calmed down and returned to his happy appearance. Mother\’s care has a direct impact on children\’s emotions. Psychologist Herbart said: Children need love, especially when the child does not deserve love. To be honest, when faced with a child who may explode at any time, even the most patient parents will have an emotional breakdown. But as long as we know the method, we can actually do a good job. The book \”Awakening the Sleeping Genius\” divides the human brain into three levels: the instinctive brain, the emotional brain and the rational brain. Child psychology believes that childhood is a critical period for the development of the emotional brain and is closely related to a child\’s intellectual development. Therefore, parents should carefully protect their children\’s emotional brain development, pay attention to their children\’s emotional development and provide scientific guidance, and cultivate their children\’s good emotional management abilities. Children\’s sadness, joy, fear, and angry emotions such as tantrums are all controlled by the emotional brain. Therefore, when a child loses his temper, we only need to do two things: learn to manage our own emotions, and teach our children emotional management. The following father’s approach is worth learning from: His 10-year-old daughter lost her temper with her mother because she interfered with her homework. When the father first saw his daughter losing her temper, he wanted to beat her up, but in the end he held back. Afterwards, he wrote 15 things that mothers have done for their daughters, let them confirm each thing. At first, the daughter didn\’t care, but when the child saw the last question, \”What have you done for your mother?\”, she finally realized her mistake. He immediately ran over, hugged his mother tightly, and apologized to her. This father very wisely used \”text questions\” to let his daughter review her emotions, and finally made the child realize her mistake, and allowed her daughter to feel her mother\’s love during the emotional review process. Once, a mother with a lot of parenting experience told me that it is actually very simple to calm a child who is having a tantrum. You only need to adhere to the principle of \”smile more, don\’t get angry, don\’t shout\”, squat down, patiently listen to your child\’s heart, and give him unconditional love and acceptance. The process of raising children is like investing and managing money. It requires not only capital but also careful research. When raising children, love is the only principal. The value-added part requires us to water it little by little with patience, companionship, respect and understanding. \”You just need to squat down, hug him, and give him love.\” You will find that problems that cannot be solved without love are the same as dealing with a child who is angry at you. With love, everything is so easy.

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