• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Who doesn’t want to love their children fiercely, but what if they are spoiled? Where is the boundary between love and doting?

People, once you become a parent, you are particularly prone to being mean: you never feel bad when you buy things for your children. You are happier when you spend money on your children than on yourself; you enjoy letting your children eat good food than eating it in your own mouth. ; As long as the children have fun, they are willing to be parents no matter how tired they are. However, this is not a noble or great feeling of sacrifice. From an evolutionary perspective, parents are willing to provide all high-quality resources to their offspring. This is a necessary condition for the species to reproduce. The gene that does not care for children has long been extinct, leaving only Those who come down are basically willing to pamper their children. To put it bluntly, pampering children is actually a natural need deep in the hearts of parents. If you spend good resources on yourself, you will feel a sense of \”waste\” inexplicably. No matter how many public accounts clamor, \”Don\’t forget to love yourself when you love your children,\” you still can\’t restrain your strong desire to throw everything you have at your children. Because for many people with children, loving their children is more enjoyable than loving themselves! I simply can’t stop! Where is the dividing line between love and doting? When you can\’t help but want to pamper your child, there is a sword of Damocles hanging over your head – it is called \”spoiled\”. Because you are afraid of \”spoiling\” your child, you always hesitate and doubt when you want to spoil your child, and keep asking, is it really okay for me to do this? Am I spoiling? Will the child turn into a bear? Will he push his nose and face endlessly? If you don’t spoil her, you’ll feel uncomfortable all over. If you spoil her, you’ll be too afraid. How to love her so as not to be considered doting? This is really an eternal problem for parents. In fact, the answer to this difficult problem is very simple. There are only two words, which is called \”restriction\”. Children, of course, must be loved fiercely and cherished well, but whether this love has \”limits\” becomes the dividing line between love and doting. A few examples: 1. When you feel happy both physically and mentally, hug your child as much as possible. This is love. If you respond to the need to be held anytime, anywhere, no matter what your physical condition is, whether you want to hug it or not, this is called love. Doting, because there are no conditions that limit holding. 2. When the financial situation allows, satisfying your children\’s material wishes is undoubtedly love. If your children want something, you have to buy it, even if you think it is unnecessary or you cannot afford it financially, that is doting, because There are no restrictions on \”buying\”. 3. Reading to children is a recognized good thing and must be love, but reading is endless. No matter how dry or tired the parents are, they still have to continue reading when it is time to go to bed. This is also doting, because there is no Conditions that limit “reading”. Therefore, there is no right or wrong in doing things for children and pampering them. Whether it is spending money on children, giving them candy, playing with them, or reading picture books to them, it is all \”love\” Expression, but whether it will turn into doting, it depends on your ability to stop the car so that love will not overflow. Everyone knows that there should be a \”limit\” when pampering children, but when it comes to actual operation, it is confusing how to set limits, especially when it comes to material aspects, such as various foods.In terms of wear and cost, it is really confusing how much should be given before it is considered pampering. I took him to the supermarket and wanted every messy gadget I saw. In fact, none of them were expensive. Should I buy it for him? I like a toy. It’s super expensive, but my child loves it so much that he talks about it all day long. Should I buy it for him? He likes to sit on a stroller and will sit on it when he sees it. So should he sit on it? When going to the park, not only do you have to play all the rides, but you also have to buy snacks and toys from every stall. So, do you need to be able to respond to requests? …etc., etc., almost every day I have to be torn between the child\’s eager little face and \”not being spoiled\”. Generally speaking, parents tend to fall into two extremes: 1. Encourage their children to \”don\’t want things\” and brainwash their children: We are good and sensible, it is too expensive, this is not good, we will not buy it. 2. There is no principle. Children will buy everything they want. Anyway, children don’t have much money for gadgets. The former will make children feel that they are not worthy of getting the things they like, and they will restrain their thoughts and desires in order to please adults, which can easily form a personality with low self-esteem. The latter will undoubtedly easily cultivate a naughty child with endless desires, who will take your contribution to him as a matter of course, and will lose his temper if you cannot give it. So what kind of principles should be followed when encountering these actual situations? It\’s still the same two words – restriction, which can satisfy the child, but it must be satisfied within limits. The child\’s desires and requirements should be taken seriously and appropriately met, so that he or she feels worthy of care and love. But as mentioned before, this love must have limits, so no matter what needs the child needs, the word limit cannot be missing: when you go to the supermarket, tell him that you are only allowed to take one thing. If you particularly love something super expensive, make an agreement that if you can do it within two months and not buy other toys, we will buy this one. If you like to ride on a rocking car, you can. There are so many options for you to choose from, but you can only ride 2 times in total! Go to the park and make an agreement that you can choose 5 amusement facilities, buy two snacks, and a small gift. The above figures are just examples. The specific amount you can buy depends on your family\’s financial situation and consumption standards. It is best not to treat your children higher than other members of the family. Set the quantity limit in advance, and let the children decide what to choose without interfering. Such limited satisfaction not only resolves disputes and masters the degree of love and doting, but also has a greater benefit, that is, it allows the child to feel more precious happiness and allows him to take every choice seriously. Be grateful for every gift. Mao Tou and I go to the supermarket. If he opens the door, he will buy whatever he wants. When he gets the item home, he loses interest and doesn’t even look at it. But if he can only choose one item, he will look at it. Go back and forth, compare again and again, and finally choose the one you like the most. No matter what junk it is, you will miss it for a long time when you go home. If I give him a big gift for a holiday or birthday, he will happily jump up and hug me, and say to me, \”Mom is so kind to me, I am so happy!\” So gratitude does not rely on preaching. Once you get rid of restrictions, you will naturally know how to be grateful. feelOnly after experiencing lack and waiting for a long time can you realize how rare it is to be satisfied, right? Maotou now has 50 yuan to spend on toys every month. He goes to the supermarket for shopping every week. He can choose what he likes to eat. He can eat a piece of candy every day, drink juice once, and play with an iPad for 30 minutes every Saturday. Watch an animated movie… There are many more rules like this in our family. I love him very much and I want to give him sweetness and happiness. I can\’t coddle him, so everything that makes him happy is not an unlimited supply. If you want to pamper your children and let them understand the meaning of happiness and joy, you can do as the song says: \”Don\’t love so much, just love a little bit\”!

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