• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Why do children always refuse to listen to what we say?

Last weekend, the sun was shining brightly and the cherries in the fields turned red. We went out to pick cherries in the fields with our classmates and their families. When the two children saw the big and red cherries, they were so excited that they kept picking them in the basket. After picking this cherry tree, we want to move to the next forest. The two rows of cherry trees are connected by an aisle that looks like a swamp. So, my daughter took the basket and stepped in without paying attention to the mud in the aisle. I was on the side and grabbed her out. My daughter had just pulled out the front foot. My classmate\’s daughter, Coco, shouted, \”I\’m going to pick that one too…\” while her shoe had already stepped into the mud for more than half of her foot. The classmates caught up all the way. When they saw this, they began to blame: Be careful, be careful. Why don\’t you look at such a big hole? If you step into a pit so carelessly, your socks and shoes will be dirty. Your feet must be uncomfortable, right? Her daughter had an innocent but indifferent expression. Then, Coco\’s father also caught up with him, scolded him, and finally reminded him: Next time you encounter such a pit, be careful and look carefully before moving forward. Although she heard her parents\’ scolding, Coco continued to pick cherries with the basket as if nothing had happened. Seeing that her daughter had picked a bigger cherry, Keke was not to be outdone. Without any preparatory actions, she directly… directly… stepped into the pit again. Then, Coco was scolded again. In this way, despite being chased, scolded, or warned by her parents, she still stepped in the mud every time she crossed the aisle, a total of 4 times. My classmate feels helpless. My child is disobedient. What should I do? Parents will be worried if their children become skinny. Seeing my classmates looking exhausted, I thought of my little girl. Every time we go to the beach to play, the children will pick up strange stones and come back with sand. She held it in her hand like a treasure. This is not the most powerful thing, she also has to stuff all those \’treasures\’ into her schoolbag. If, unfortunately, she didn\’t bring a backpack that day, then she would ask to stuff those sandy treasures into my bag. I always wonder why children like these dirty and strange-shaped stones so much. So, I would try my best to persuade the child to throw the stones, or to persuade her not to pick up the stones. But no matter whether I said the stones were too dirty and contained bacteria, or whether they were useless, she always tried her best to bring back those dirty stones from the beach. At this time, I would also think: Why is my child just unwilling to obey? I once saw a news article that said a mother was afraid that her child would be cold and would catch a cold, so she forced her child to wear two layers of clothes. But the child refuses to wear any clothes, because when he wears more clothes, he feels hot and panicked. Why does Keke keep stepping into pitfalls? I think it is similar to this child. Coco and her mother are different individuals and have different feelings about picking cherries. At that time, Coco may not have deliberately ignored her parents\’ dissuasion, but she felt happy while picking cherries. She felt that it was not a big deal if her shoes were dirty, and there was no discomfort if her feet were wet. It\’s just that Coco is still young, and she can\’t clearly explain her feelings to adults. Montessori once said that people are bornIt is a species that fills its life with \”personal experience\”. Children\’s growth is actually based on various experiences. Those children who lack growth experience may not step into the mud, and may not cause trouble for us. They may become \”good children\” in the eyes of others. For a well-behaved child, his growth may be based on the well-intentioned advice of his parents or other people around him, and lacks his own experience. Often, he can\’t be what he wants because he doesn\’t know what he wants. Some people may say, what if the child does something dangerous? I can\’t let it go. If a child is disobedient, isn\’t it just a matter of beating him? You might as well take a look at this psychological experiment first: American anthropologist Jonathan Friedman once conducted a dramatic experiment with his colleagues. They provided attractive battery robots to two groups of children A and B who were not in the same room. The experimenters severely threatened the children in group A that they were \”not allowed to play\” (containing violent elements), while the children in group B were \”gently warned and patiently Although the two methods take effect at different times, they ultimately effectively prevent children from playing with battery robots. However, the situation had dramatic results a few weeks later. They arranged for a strange experimenter to enter the room and let the children play with the attractive battery robot. Three-quarters of the children in Group A who had been threatened soon became are playing, but 2/3 of Group B still refuse to play. Strict restraint may be effective behavior, but they will plant the seeds of desire in the child\’s heart. For a naughty child, a lesson or a spanking may resolve the current conflict with the child. However, when children are freed from our spanking and scolding, they still want to know or try things that were once forbidden. I once read an article called \”The Most Difficult Task in Education: Understanding Children.\” It is mentioned in the article that one task we need to work hard to complete is to understand our children. Understand your children and acknowledge that their feelings are different from our own. Of course, this doesn\’t mean that we can let our children do whatever they want: if it involves the child\’s safety or other high-voltage lines, we need to clearly draw that line. If learning to ride a bicycle will cause bruises on the body, then we should help the child wear protective gear and let him play to his heart\’s content; if what the child needs to experience is jaywalking, we should gently order or let him through a video The child sees the seriousness of the consequences. If this matter has a major conflict with us, we can consider how to communicate with the child and resolve the conflict. Communicate with your children, understand their inner needs, and solve problems from a different perspective. I have to mention here that I have a CEO girlfriend. When the child liked to rub and crawl on the floor and all the adults reported that the child was disobedient, she did not preach or spank the child. Instead, she gave the child a rag and told the child, since you like the floor so much, you can Please help everyone clean the floor. Soon, the floor in the living room at home was polished very brightly by the children during play. Sometimes, naughtiness cannot be changed, but in another way, maybe the child will no longer be a little expert in destroying the environment. Understand that children are individuals different from us, respectChildren experience differently than we do. Based on this, provide appropriate support and guidance, give the child as much space as possible to try and make mistakes, and allow him to fully experience his own life. I believe that the child will grow up healthily and become what he expects.

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