• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Why educate in a low voice?

When a mother was practicing piano with her child, because the child kept playing wrong, the mother couldn\’t hold back her temper and yelled anxiously. As a result, the child\’s response was bright: The purpose of education by British educator Whitehead PDF \”I think you are still gentle.\” \”Just a little bit.\” \”But what should I do if you keep playing wrong?\” \”You keep playing wrong. Tell me gently: It doesn\’t matter if you play wrong, baby.\” In the video, the child \”persuaded\” pitifully. Mother should be gentle. Seeing the pitiful appearance of her child, the mother\’s heart is filled with guilt, regret, and self-blame… Coincidentally, a father is helping his son with his homework, and he is about to lose patience. The son carefully reminds him Dad: \”Dad, please stop yelling at me, baby can write, can write.\” \”Wow, applaud dad…\” The flattering eyes are heart-wrenching. This is the true behavior of many children after being yelled at. With a deep sense of fear, they carefully try to please their parents. It has become an almost daily ritual for parents to yell at our children when they fail to satisfy us. One parent jokingly said: \”If you yell at your child, you will suffer both losses. If you don\’t yell, you will suffer internal injuries.\” However, when it comes to children\’s growth, can we really only rely on yelling to get them to cooperate? What happens to children who are often yelled at? Frequently yelling at children has many negative effects: for example: loss of security; developing a sense of inferiority; leading to rebellion and becoming less and less \”obedient\”; children will imitate, learn, and learn the same expressions… Among them, The worst impact is the damage to the parent-child relationship. There is a story on the Internet: a professor asked his students, \”Why do people shout when they are angry?\” A classmate raised his hand and replied: \”Because they have lost their \’coolness,\’ so they shout.\” The professor asked again: \” But why do you still have to shout when someone is right next to you? Can\’t you speak in a lower voice?\” The students talked about it, but none of the answers satisfied the professor. Finally, the professor explained: \”When two people are angry, the distance between their hearts is very far. In order to cross the distance between their hearts so that the other party can hear them, the people\’s voices are louder. However, the louder each other\’s voices are, the angrier they will be. The angrier you are, the farther away you are, and the farther away you are, the louder you have to shout…\” In other words: the louder the sound, the greater the distance between each other, and the farther away the hearts are. When we always educate our children loudly, in fact, we are pushing the children\’s hearts further and further away. The parent-child relationship in many families is ruined by this overly rough communication model. Once there is a problem in the parent-child relationship, it is also the beginning of educational failure. When your children reach a certain age, you will find that no matter how loud you yell or talk too much, the children are not willing to listen, and education will fall into huge confusion. In education, there is a crucial principle: relationship is greater than education. Only by establishing an emotional connection with children can children trust adults and be willing to cooperate. As education scholar Zhan Danian said: Only when relationships are established can education truly happen. When parents are used to raising the volume of their children in their early years to get their children to cooperate, they are actually losing completely behind the scenes. Educate children, the louder the voice, the better the effectThe worse. In life, many parents have a misunderstanding that the louder the voice, the more powerful they appear, and the more obedient their children will be. We first yelled to attract the child\’s attention, but found that the child did not change. Then the noise became louder and louder, and we began to blow our noses and stare. However, can volume really \”suppress\” naughty children? Not necessarily. In the face of your yelling, the child\’s reaction is nothing more than obedience, resistance, and turning a deaf ear. Don\’t think that being obedient is a good thing. Children choose to obey because they are afraid of you. They look at their parents with trepidation and become more and more cautious. The side effect is that such children will increasingly like to hide problems or encounters outside, because your yelling often makes them lack the courage to tell the truth. Fear leads to dishonesty in children. Some children choose to resist. If you yell, he will reply twice. If you shout loudly, he will be louder than you. This is the case with many rebellious children around us. Psychologist Myrna Schur said: \”If parents\’ discipline method is to scold and order, children will easily show aggression psychologically and verbally.\” \”Where there is oppression, there is resistance.\” The more we yell, the more we yell. The louder and fiercer it is, the more intense the resistance will be, and the parent-child conflict will be more prominent. Some children turn a deaf ear and feel numb. As soon as you yell, the child\’s brain will activate the escape mechanism: \”Just scold him and it will be over.\” When you finish speaking, the child will not change. This is also a kind of passive resistance. As the old saying goes: \”Don\’t speak loudly when you are right.\” If you give a spanking, a scolding, or a yell, all the child\’s behavioral problems will be solved, and raising a child will not be so difficult. In a certain variety show, there was a scene where a mother started calling her son over and over again to urge her son to do his homework before he got off work. After returning home, she found that the child\’s homework had not been written yet. The mother suddenly exploded and yelled: \”Why haven\’t you written a word?\” \”How many phone calls have I made, how many times have I urged you!\” \”You want to be angry?\” Are you going to kill me?\” Facing his mother\’s anger, the child first had tears in his eyes. As his mother\’s voice became louder and louder, he began to cover his ears with his hands and hid in a corner. In the end, no matter what the mother said, the child stubbornly refused to speak. In early childhood development, the louder you are, the child will briefly quiet down out of fear. However, this method has a time limit. If used for a long time, it will lose its positive educational significance and leave only harm. No one can get into another person\’s heart with high-decibel rebuke. If you want to educate children well, it really doesn\’t rely on volume. Teaching in a low voice can make children more cooperative. The book \”Positive Discipline: Teaching Good Children by Not Being Cruel or Yelling\” writes: \”When adults criticize children, it is easier for children to accept it in a low tone. First, a low tone can make people more rational and calm, and it can also make people more rational and calm. The psychological defense line of children\’s resistance and rebellion is relaxed, which is conducive to communication. Second, criticizing children in a low voice can not only focus the child\’s hearing, but also preemptively prevent children from using high voices. Third, low voices can drive away Anger.\” When we make up our minds to change the tone and lower the decibels, you will find that a low voice is far more powerful than a roar. Recently, a mother’s education on DouyinThe method has won the likes of millions of netizens. The daughter accidentally knocked over the lunch box and called her mother tremblingly. The mother asked: \”Did you knock over mom\’s rice?\” The child seemed to be frightened, and he hesitated and said: \”Don\’t scold me.\” Seeing the child\’s fear, Like this, the mother held the child in her arms: \”Mom, I won\’t tell you, but I\’m just asking you, were you careless?\” \”Can you be more careful next time?\” \”Next time, please don\’t mess with mom\’s lunch box. \”?\” \”If you can\’t lift it, can you ask your parents to help?\” \”You think this is a waste, right?\” The parent-child war that was about to break out was so gently resolved. You see, not all mistakes need to be solved by yelling. Sometimes, by lowering your voice, children are more likely to hear what adults say, and education will be less emotional and more rational. When we are willing to lower our voices to educate our children, we also set an example for our children. Children observe the way their parents deal with anger, which is very educational for them. Education is to awaken children, not to stand on the opposite side of the child and decide the winner or loser with him. Seeing this, some parents will say: \”Parents are human beings too, and parents also have tempers. Do we have to be kind to our children all our lives?\” In a happy family, the most basic and difficult requirement for members is to speak well and express emotions well. Stablize. What we want to say is that you can have a temper, but you must learn to lose your temper; you can yell at your children, but don’t make yelling a daily routine in the family; this is where parents are truly tested. When raising children, attitude is more important than method. A good attitude can build a good relationship. If the relationship is broken, the method will undoubtedly fail. A like and a good talk will always be a valuable asset to a family.

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