• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

Yelling at your children is the most thankless thing you can do

My eight-year-old niece, no one at home can control her, and she still goes her own way every day under the high-decibel \”lion\’s roar\” of her mother. I have seen her mother\’s lion\’s roar before. It was so deafening that when she roared out, it felt like the glass was shaking. However, with such power, the little niece still goes her own way. As my niece\’s favorite aunt, I naturally have the privilege: \”Tell my aunt, your mother yells at you like this every day, why are you still so disobedient?\” \”Because my mother is not angry every time she yells. Just scare me and I’ll have no problem playing for another half hour~\” \”How do you know your mother is not angry?\” \”If she is angry, she will stop yelling and just come over and stare at me!\” Today\’s children, their parents Their personalities and tempers are clearly understood, and they are all ghosts. If you want to compete with them in a battle of wits and courage, you really can\’t do it without some special skills. I just felt sorry for my sister-in-law, who thought that the louder the voice, the more obedient the child would be. Little did he know that his \”lion\’s roar skill\” was like a paper tiger in the eyes of children. It looked scary, but in fact it had no lethality. On the contrary, it is more effective to say nothing. Then why waste energy and emotions on yelling at children? Yelling at children is like antibiotics, the effect will only become weaker and weaker, and eventually the children will become resistant and will naturally stop paying attention. On the other hand, adults become more and more angry, and in the end they inevitably have to beat their children to vent their anger. I thought of my good friend\’s son Mu Mu. When he was only four years old, he was in a low mood after being yelled at by his mother for the first time. A little glass heart was shattered by my mother\’s high decibels. I still remember that it was a weekend, and my friend was exhausted after doing housework for a day. He finally wanted to take a rest, but Mumu wanted to buy ice cream in the supermarket and go to her grandma’s house. The friend tried to persuade her, but Mu Mu refused to listen and actually sat on the ground and started crying. So the friend grabbed the phone and wanted to coax Mumu to play games. Unexpectedly, Mumu threw the phone away while crying. The friend was completely shocked: \”Why are you crying! Just cry here, I don\’t care about you!\” According to the friend\’s description, Mu Mu was stunned at the time, but a few seconds later, she cried even harder. For this reason, Mu Mu always remembered that her mother looked like a big tiger when she was angry. Although my friend and Mu Mu apologized afterwards, the image of this \”tigress\” will not be easily erased. In fact, parents who love to yell at their children, you may not remember the first time you yelled at your children. I just couldn\’t control my emotions, I wanted to vent my anger, and I wanted to roar to achieve my goal. Then I slowly got used to being like this. Although I would feel guilty and blame myself, I would still choose to raise the decibel level the next time I got angry. Over time, I developed the habit of yelling at my children. I have a friend who is engaged in child psychoanalysis. He has a certain set of experiences when it comes to disciplining his children. He said that instead of telling children what not to do, let them choose what to do. Parents should all have this experience: their children are watching the TV and unwilling to leave, holding snacks and unwilling to eat, playing with their friends and unwilling to go home… ThisAt that time, two sentences were inseparable from the parents\’ roars: the first sentence was \”No more…!\” The second sentence was \”Give me…!\” No more snacks! Come over to me for dinner! Stop watching TV and go do your homework! Don\’t go out to play anymore. Go home immediately! …It’s strange that the child would be obedient under such a roar! Children who are in the rebellious stage often become resistant when they hear mandatory words of command. Even if they succumb to the \”roar\” of their parents once or twice, it will become ineffective over time. What\’s more serious is that there is a gap in the parent-child relationship, and the distance between the souls gradually becomes distant. This is the most thankless thing. But what about another angle? Instead of yelling from an adult\’s perspective, it\’s better to squat down and think about the problem from a child\’s perspective. Think about why your children don’t want to go to eat? Why do you have to watch TV? Once you think of the reason, your anger may disappear by half. This also helps parents manage their emotions. The next step is to point out the correct approach for the child. Erase words such as \”not allowed\”, \”immediately\”, \”you give it to me\” and other words, and the effect will be very different. For example: \”You have been watching TV for half an hour. If you continue to watch TV today, tomorrow I can’t watch it. Do you want to read it all at once today, or save some for tomorrow?” “You have five minutes left, either come over to eat or go hungry, which one do you choose?” “You can only eat snacks when you eat on time. , otherwise there will be no snacks and no rice.\”… In this way, every time you leave some room for your child, good habits will slowly develop, instead of using a drastic attitude to stop the child\’s behavior. Education is a science, but it is not complicated. In fact, sometimes it just takes a little more patience and understanding to get around the wrong ways. I hope that all parents will not do anything that hurts their children out of impulse.

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