• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

Your child still dares to lose his temper. Congratulations.

A few days ago, a mother left a message saying that her son once intentionally vomited food on the table. Because we have already given repeated orders saying that this cannot be done. That day her fire was ignited. \”Can you still eat well?\” The voice could almost shatter the bowl. When he heard his roar, he saw his son trembling. He must have been frightened by the sudden roar. Then he stayed there without saying a word. She said she could clearly see the fear in her son\’s eyes. Look like you don’t know what to do anymore? Only then did she realize her mistake. Why shout so loudly so suddenly? In fact, it has nothing to do with the child. He is usually naughty, but when he is in a good mood, he even laughs and makes trouble with his son. Because I was in a bad mood that day, my child became a doormat. She also said that after yelling at her child, he became much better behaved. But she always felt weird because the child didn\’t dare to lose his temper with her. Are you worried about whether it will have a negative impact on your child\’s psychology? We often see some well-behaved children who don’t even dare to cry in the arms of adults. What will happen to them in the end? One result is that children are used to being submissive, accepting the grievances they suffer outside without fighting or grabbing them, forming a pleaser personality. Even when I reach adulthood, I am a good person wherever I go. Even if I don\’t like it in my heart, I can\’t do anything about it. Because their childhood experiences have tied them down, they don\’t dare to go too far psychologically. One mother said that her child seems to be very sensible. No matter what happens, he keeps it to himself. He doesn\’t like to share with others whether he is happy or unhappy. He is wronged at school and gets into trouble with children. These things, the child Never told her. When asked, he said nothing. Such children look quiet and sensible, but in fact they have no self-confidence inside, often cannot find themselves, and are prone to psychological problems. For example, if emotions are held in the heart for a long time, children will become depressed. Some psychological research points out that excessive depression in childhood is dull. People who had bad childhoods are more likely to suffer from depression as adults. Just hold it in and endure it, in exchange for the favor of adults, or to avoid the emotional storm that you don\’t want to face. But if you do this for a long time, do you think your child will be mentally healthy? If negative emotions are not released, they will really be like inflating a balloon. Eventually it can lead to mood disorders. It was as if there were some cracks in my heart, making a small sound. Sometimes even its owner cannot sense it. But it is really changing. And many parents still feel that they are doing the right thing! You see, after I scolded him, he became better behaved and more clingy to me. He even hugs his parents and says I love you. Of course children do. Because they are afraid of losing their parents\’ love. Parents\’ prompt replies and loving hugs will also give their children a sense of security. But being satisfied with this approach will only make the child overwhelmed in the end. Because the normal parent-child relationship is not like this. The relationship between parents and children is originally dependent but independent. Parents must love their children, but they must also stay away from them appropriately. Children also love their parents, but they must also learn to leave their parents. But such harm will only make the child lose the independent partcut off. Eventually it becomes an extreme dependence, and they will hand over everything they have to their parents. But is this normal? I still remember one time when I was in my hometown. At a relative\’s house, it was time for lunch. A relative has a child over two years old, and his grandma has always taken care of him. At that time, grandma was preparing meals in the kitchen, but the children kept shouting for grandma. His father was also at home that day. He was watching TV. When he heard the child making trouble, he went to pull him over. Then coax the child. Unexpectedly, the little guy didn\’t buy his father\’s order at all. Instead, she cried even harder. The whole living room was filled with his crying. Several older children also seemed to be ignited there, shouting loudly not to cry, not to cry. Suddenly, the child was suddenly held in his arms by his father. Then Dad yelled loudly: \”What are you going to do!\” At the same time, he hit his butt hard several times with his hand. Bang bang bang, the sound is very loud. At this time, the child should be frightened. I was stunned for a few seconds, and then stopped crying. This may be the first time he has encountered his father\’s \”violence\” in this way. Children really behave well when they are yelled at loudly or hit suddenly like this. He looked at his father timidly. Then it fell silent. What was he thinking at this time? To be honest, the way Dad looks when he gets angry makes us all feel the pressure. Emotions are like a bomb. After detonating, it will affect the surrounding people. Happy emotions make people feel happy and relaxed. And bad emotions can cause people to feel nervous and uneasy. And a child of several years old was placed in such a bad mood. The panic in his heart can be imagined. But the damage caused cannot be estimated. Children who are hurt by their parents\’ yelling are full of fear and may even tremble. They rely on imaginary wanderings to escape the frightening real world. After seeing that the child was quiet, the father put him down. Instead, he held his father\’s hand to identify the paintings on the wall, as if he was afraid that his father would be angry again. That sensible look is really heartbreaking. Please love the child who dares to lose his temper. Because this is a real him. And only such children can develop normal personalities. Let me share three methods with you: Please accept your own and your children’s emotions. You can find the reason from the child\’s perspective. Is the child feeling uncomfortable, or is his true inner desire not being understood? At the same time, emotions can be good or bad, so don’t refuse to ignore bad emotions. Many parents don\’t want their children to cry, they just want them to be good. Please be patient and accept your child\’s bad moods. Children are allowed to cry, and they can cry loudly. No matter if you feel wronged or angry. I am right next to you, accompanying you, listening to you express your emotions through crying. When children feel that their emotions are being taken seriously, they will sometimes stop crying in this way. Find an outlet for your emotions and help yourself calm down. There is a picture book \”Jerry\’s Calm Space\”. The biggest help of this book is to give us the understanding that emotions need a space, and this space can help us calm down. Many times, if you really feel that your child is crying and you can\’t bear it. Or a certain behavior of your child makes you furious. It’s okay to let your child cry in his or her room. ThenGo to the living room or kitchen and do something, even just clean up. Be sure to get yourself out of that confrontational mode. We often find that some parents are at odds with their children. They must shut up, otherwise they will keep talking and jumping around to threaten their children. The situation got worse. At this time, only by calming down can we find countermeasures. You can also consider trying a different way of communication. For example, use the child\’s language to communicate. For example, before going to bed every day, we have to remind our son to pee before going to bed. Sometimes the little one resists, and no matter how many times you tell him, he still won’t go. Once, I suppressed my temper and said to him: \”Please turn on the faucet on your body! Go, go, go!\” My son was stunned for a moment, and then ran to the toilet laughing. Sometimes children like you to tell them interesting things. For example, our bedtime stories are sometimes an adventure and sometimes a Star Wars story. While the house is being cleaned, he will be appointed as the Minister of Health. And if you want your son to wash up and he is still dangling in front of you, you can play a game where he disappears in 5 seconds. He ran away immediately. Children like new and fun things. So when communication is blocked, try another way. Children have a soft heart, and they will inevitably make mistakes when they are young. Rather, they always kindly understand their parents from their perspective and forgive their parents\’ \”rudeness\”. And as for us, can we also control our temper? You know, parents\’ emotional peace is the greatest blessing for their children. And parents\’ acceptance will make their lives more real.

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