A teacher who punished a student who whistled was liked by 20,000 people! Should children be praised or criticized for complaining?

Recently, a primary school student in Ningbo brought chocolate to school, but was discovered by his classmates and told Teacher Wang. In most primary and secondary schools, it is illegal to bring snacks to school. But Teacher Wang’s handling method was unexpected: he punished the whistleblower! What\’s going on? Teacher Wang described what happened on Weibo: Teacher Wang’s handling method caused controversy. On the one hand, more than 20,000 netizens praised – \”Small trees must be cut down, they cannot grow crookedly.\” \”Such complaining children are particularly annoying and will most likely cause trouble when they grow up.\” \”Hahahahahaha With such a bad breath, you really are an official who hates evil!\” On the other hand, some netizens raised questions – \”After seeing what the teacher did and everyone\’s comments, I was very sad! Do you think adults would do this? So doing this shows that he is a child. What is the responsibility of the school? Education! Is this teacher educating? This is destroying a young child! Such a teacher and such a citizen are miserable!\” If you are Teacher, how would you deal with it? In fact, many parents also find it difficult when their children complain. A mother in Hangzhou said that after returning home from school one day, her daughter happily announced that she had been praised by the teacher today. \”The teacher had something to go out during class. Before leaving, he told everyone not to make trouble. As soon as the teacher left, some children started making trouble. , which made the classroom noisy. After the teacher came back, I reported the situation to the teacher, and the teacher praised me.\” The mother was very anxious when she heard this, thinking: \”A classmate in the class was criticized. If I knew it was her, If you file a complaint, she will definitely be blamed. If she does it too often, she may become an unpopular person.\” Support your child in filing a complaint. You are worried that your child will develop a habit and become an unpopular \”tattletale\” person. If you don’t support it, you are worried that it will blur your children’s moral values ​​and values, making them unable to distinguish right from wrong, good from bad, and good from bad. what to do? To properly handle children\’s complaints, you must first understand why they complain. American educational psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg once told a dilemma story involving a lawsuit: Joe\’s father promised that if Joe earned enough $50, he could use the money to go camping. But then he changed his mind and asked Joe to give him all the $50 he earned. Joe lied and said he only earned $10. He gave the $10 to his father and took the other $40 to go camping. Before leaving, Joe told his brother Alex about making money and lying to his father. Should Alex tell his father the truth? If it were you, would you choose to file a complaint? The truth is that the vast majority of children aged 4-12 choose to complain. Because children in early childhood and primary school have a certain attribute, which is academically called \”teacher-oriented\”. They emphasize obeying personal power, obeying teachers and parents, emphasizing following norms, executing orders, obeying authority, and performing duties. Anything that leads to punishment is bad and must be reported. Because he will be whipped if his father finds out about his brother, then he must have done something wrong, sue him! Understanding this, parents don’t have to worry too much about their children’s tendency to complain. It can even be said that it is the nature of children to love to complain. Just like Mr. Wang at the beginning of the articleWhat the teacher pointed out – However, parents must understand that there are usually three types of reasons for children to complain. Some types of complaints should be encouraged, and some types of complaints should be criticized. 1. Self-defense complaints: \”Teacher, Xiao Ming pulled my pigtails\”, \”Dad, Xiao Qiang hit me today\”, \”Teacher, he broke my pencil case\”… 2. Justice complaints: Many children have a strong sense of rules. , when they see other children breaking the rules, they will complain. \”Teacher, Xiaohua eats snacks in class\”, \”Dad, Xiaoqiang stole the family\’s money and went to the game room\”… 3. Framing-type complaints Some children complain in order to frame others or seek improper benefits. For example, in order to claim credit, some children stare at their classmates every day and complain at the slightest sign of trouble. Some teachers have received complaints from students, saying that some students are talking bad about him behind his back. His response was: Don’t report such issues to me again in the future. There is something even more outrageous. A Zhihu netizen once said: \”When I was in elementary school, a little girl gave him a piece of eraser one day. I was very happy at the time because it was the first time I received a gift from someone else, even though it was just a piece of rubber. After that, she complained to the teacher that I stole her things. At that time, I felt that the world was full of malice, and my whole body was really bad. The key point is that I was very stupid at that time, and I didn\’t react at all. I didn’t deny it. I felt particularly humiliated for a long time.” Parents must treat these three types of complaints differently. For self-defense complaints, parents should first squat down to listen, then sit down to communicate, and finally stand up to deal with the complaint. First of all, we need to \”empathize\” with the child\’s feelings, encourage him to tell more truths, and understand the ins and outs of things. If it\’s a trivial matter, just give some comfort. If it is a serious conflict, guide him to analyze rationally and find a reasonable way to solve the problem. If it involves vicious incidents such as campus bullying, parents must come forward to find the school or the other parent to jointly handle the matter. For justice-type complaints, the principle that parents should grasp is to \”condemn the violation of regulations, but neither praise nor criticize the child\’s complaint behavior.\” Parents can say: \”Those behaviors are wrong, and I\’m glad you didn\’t do the same thing as him.\” Instead of being cold-tempered: \”Why do you complain at such a young age?\” Nor are you encouraging: \”This happened?\” You have to report this kind of thing to the teacher and the school!\” For this kind of child, all he seeks is justice itself. When the violation is condemned, his strong desire to maintain justice is realized. Fraudulent complaints must be corrected in a clear-cut manner. The trouble is, sometimes it’s difficult to infer a child’s motive for complaining based solely on his behavior. For example, if the same student reports a violation of discipline to the teacher, a simple child may just want to maintain discipline, while a more sophisticated child may want to take credit from the teacher or seek revenge. This needs to be judged based on the child\’s personality and consistent behavior, so as not to dampen his enthusiasm for justice, nor encourage his style of flattering or even deceiving others. Going back to Teacher Wang\’s approach at the beginning of the article, the article says that the complainer \”wanted to deny it even after being told the truth by his classmates.\” In other words, he did not admit that there was a threat.Classmate, in this Rashomon situation, how did the teacher make sure that the child was not lying in order to escape the blame of scolding the classmate? Regarding netizens\’ questions, Teacher Wang said frankly that because the \”complainer\” had had many credit problems and his eyes were evasive, Teacher Wang saw through it at a glance, and finally he admitted it obediently. From this point of view, we cannot help but admire her wit and decisiveness and support her way of handling the situation.