Children often say these three words to be careful. He is not rebellious, but has encountered a hurdle that he cannot overcome.

A friend recently complained to me, saying that the older the children get, the more disobedient they become. They won’t listen to anything you say and it can make people mad. This is still far from adolescence, why is it so difficult to communicate. No matter what I said to him, he didn\’t respond. Throwing a stone still makes a sound, talking to a cow can make a moo, and my children can\’t even ask a question for a long time. If you are pressed, you will only speak and stop speaking. You won’t listen anyway. If he didn\’t tell me, how could he know that I wouldn\’t listen? We found that the younger the child, the easier it is to communicate, but the older the child is, the more alienated he is from his parents. Not only friends’ families, but as their children grow up, they begin to have all kinds of catchphrases on their lips that make their mothers want to explode when they hear them. For example, \”Whatever, it\’s not me, it\’s all your fault. Anyway, you…\” etc. Those seemingly ordinary and casual words actually hide a lot of important information and the children\’s emotions that have not been seen for a long time. It also conveys the same message – there is something wrong with your relationship with your child. Forget it, anyway… forget it, don\’t say it, you won\’t agree anyway; anyway, everything is my fault; anyway, you won\’t listen to what I say. · Why would the child say such a thing? The appearance of \”Anyway\” means expecting others to do something, but being afraid of not getting it. Anyway, what you say before is ironic, what follows is what you are expected to do. Because my previous expectations were frustrated and I didn’t want to experience the hurt of loss again, I started to lower my expectations and used “anyway” to cover up my expectations. At the same time, he also uses irritating irony to protect his heart that has been unsatisfied for a long time and has been injured. This is not a child being rebellious or wanting to go against you, but a cry for help. Just like the example of the previous friend, children always talk about \”anyway\” and their communication with their parents gradually decreases. Because needs have been ignored too many times and ideas have been denied too many times, the child pretends not to care. The child will begin to psychologically distance himself from the person who disappoints him, but the parents think it is because the child is getting older and begins to become disobedient. · What to do? It\’s actually very simple. We only need to correct the child\’s sarcasm and see the child\’s true needs after correcting the problem. Anyway, what follows is actually what the child wants us to do: It’s all my fault anyway. In fact, it’s saying, “Can you not blame me for everything?” You won’t let me eat it anyway, but it’s actually saying, “I I hope you can let me have another popsicle.\” After understanding the child\’s true meaning, we must respond to the child\’s expectations in a timely manner with a positive attitude. Let your child know that you know his expectations, respect his ideas, and will work hard to achieve them. You can tell your children that mom and dad know that you always hope that we can listen to you. I ignored it before, but now I only listen to you carefully. Of course, we do not have to meet every need of our children. We can also refuse requests that are impossible or unreasonable. Children can actually accept positive rejection, as long as you tell them the reasons for their approval. When he made every request, he had two plans in mind. As long as he is convinced of the rejection, he will not be disappointed. It\’s all your fault… During the National Day, Xiaozhi took his children out to eat. There was a mother and her son. As soon as they entered the house, they heard a 5 or 6-year-old boy complaining, \”It\’s all your fault, I didn\’t hold an umbrella properly, my clothes are all wet.\” The mother listened to the child\’s complaint and quickly said, \”Yes, it\’s all my fault that I didn\’t cover you properly.\” During the meal, the child took out the iPad he brought with him Play, mother peels shrimps next to him and feeds him, after a while The little boy\’s scolding voice came again, \”It\’s all your fault, all the clicks have been deleted.\” He said while slapping his mother with his hand, \”Oh, mom, help you find it.\” It turned out that the video the little boy was watching was deleted accidentally. This caused a lot of anger. In fact, this is what happened in life. This kind of situation is not uncommon. Children are always accustomed to blaming others for things. When something happens, they blame their parents, their partners, but not themselves. If they are late for school, they blame you for not calling them; if they don\’t finish their homework, they blame you. Warn early; break things yourself, I have to blame you too. I saw a piece of news some time ago where a mother and daughter got on the wrong subway, and the daughter got into a rage and punched and kicked her mother. He is a white-eyed wolf with no respect and no gratitude. Why do children blame others for everything? As material life gets better and better, parents do their best to provide their children with the best material conditions and pampering, so that their children do not suffer any injustice. But when we pay more and more. The more children can reach out and get, the easier it is to ignore some intangible things, such as Responsibility and right and wrong. The reason why children blame others for their mistakes and always say \”it\’s all your fault\” may not be to shirk responsibility, but to put it bluntly, they have a vague sense of right and wrong. You don’t feel that you are at fault. In this case, the more you blame, the more aggrieved your child will be. What to do? Parents should not be responsible for everything! The more and longer you are responsible for your children, the children will automatically assume that it is your responsibility, so you should let them go and let them take responsibility in daily life. Some small responsibilities, such as setting your own alarm to get up, and bear the consequences yourself, if you don\’t get up, you will be late. When problems arise, identify who is responsible for the problem, and who should be responsible for it. Cultivate children\’s sense of right and wrong. Of course, when guiding children to take responsibility, be careful not to deal with it harshly, otherwise the child will choose to avoid taking responsibility because of fear. Mom, do you still like me? Especially: The cup was broken and you got angry! You had an argument with a child in the kindergarten, and you were scolded by the teacher. You couldn\’t control your anger and yelled at her. Why do children say this? Psychological research has found that at the level of brain consciousness and rationality, children are willing to believe that their parents love them. Once children do not feel love or have doubts about love, they will feel out of control. , collapse, despair, and insecurity. The most direct manifestation is to repeatedly ask for confirmation. In order to maintain authority and let their children have a memory, many parents ignore their children\’s careful confirmation of love: \”You all. How can I still love you if you make me mad to death? \”Did I tell you?\” You can\’t lie. If you lie again, your mother won\’t love you. Of course, your purpose is to let your children practiceIt\’s a good behavior, but the child\’s attention is focused on \”Does mom still love me?\” and he is simply unable to realize his mistake. If you don\’t get a loving response for a long time, your children will either stop having hope in you or they will deliberately cater to you. · What to do? If your child often asks this question, recall whether you have been too harsh recently or emotionally neglected your child\’s feelings. If so, then give him a little more attention. If your child asks you this question after making a mistake, please don\’t rush to criticize or educate him. It\’s okay to be a minute or two late in educating him. Please respond to the child\’s most concerned question first: \”Mom, of course I love you.\” Whenever your child asks, tell him \”Mom loves you.\” Later, give your child your opinion, \”Mom, I hope you can eat well so that your body can be strong,\” or a solution to the problem, \”Let\’s put away the broken pieces of the cup together.\” But this is my problem and it does not affect my mother\’s love for you.\” For children, love needs to be responded to and told loudly. Every disruptive and annoying behavior of a child, every word that you feel angry or disrespected is actually the child conveying to you \”Help me\”. This is also the most difficult part of education. We need to understand the real intentions behind children\’s unfriendly behaviors and words. We ignore the real meaning behind these mantras and explore the children\’s real thoughts and feelings. Instead, we stay at the subjective feelings and rashly label the children as \”disobedient and rebellious\”. The parent-child relationship will only become more and more tense, and the relationship with the child will only become farther and farther away. Now our children cannot live without us, so we can only endure it. When one day our children become independent, it will be too late for us to try to get closer to each other.