Faced with primary injury, are you qualified to be a parent?

On Children\’s Day, Zimi Kindergarten held a party. The kindergarten wrote several emails to parents in advance, urging parents to take time out of their busy schedules to come and watch, and invited parents to bring home-made snacks and have a meal with their children after the party. Children\’s Day is a Thursday, and I send my children to the kindergarten at 8:20. I wait at the door until 9:30 before I can go in and watch the performance. The temperature was 30 degrees. Adults were shouting, children were shouting, and the crowd was crowded. At ten o\’clock, the principal finally came out with a microphone. When he came out, the principal himself smiled and said: \”Thank you parents for your support. We have met often recently, but today is the most important one, Children\’s Day.\” When I was a child, except for parent-teacher meetings or when I got into trouble, my parents were invited to the school. During the interview, I did not remember when my parents came to school. Now it\’s my turn to be a parent. During Lantern Festival, Halloween, Christmas, Children\’s Day, Easter, plus the carnival and sports festival invented by the school, parents have to come to school to have fun with their children. There are also opening ceremonies and two parent-teacher interviews every year, and I have to go to school every month for ten months in a school year. And all activities are either on weekday mornings or on weekday afternoons. Teachers are not candles, they are just a job. Teachers do not have any necessity or obligation to work overtime in order to take care of parents\’ working hours. Let me just say, I have two children at home, everything needs to be multiplied by two. There are also two schools that hold activities on the same day, requiring parents to take leave separately. How about you choose which child you want to make cry? The whole performance takes about an hour. In the Zi Mi class, it takes less than five minutes from the moment I step on stage to the moment I step off the stage. I waved desperately to Zi Mi from the crowd in a twisted posture. The moment she saw me, she was like a small light bulb. She pressed the switch and her whole body lit up. The little girl danced really well, and she did all the moves well. A few minutes after they came off the stage, I felt that my face was a little sore, and I realized that it was because my mouth had not been closed. Then I went to the children\’s class. The children were extremely excited, running around and shouting, while the parents stood behind and yelled desperately. I waited for another half hour and had a breakfast or lunch that I couldn\’t tell you. At half past eleven, school is over, the children have to be taken home, and the kindergarten is closed. Parents who knew each other well spontaneously formed a help group. This one led two, and the other led three and broke up. Fortunately, I work at home and don’t need to leave Zimi in a bottle. There was a chaos at the entrance of the kindergarten. It took me twenty minutes to finally get a car and I went home exhausted. On the way back, I received an email from Sidi School. The subject was: Timetable for the year-end performance. Parents, please cooperate. We are just parents, and we have nothing to do with our mistakes. But why do I feel that being a parent now is a punishment, which will never end and get worse in this life? I have a friend who has a five-year-old son who has been naughty and hyperactive since he was a child. When I went to kindergarten, the teacher complained via email every three days. She read in the book that hyperactive children need to burn off excess energy. I enrolled my child in Taekwondo, and even though it was freezing cold and hot, it rained and knives fell, I took my child with me. Later, the teacher called directly to complain. After her son learned Taekwondo,, actually after taking a run-up, he flew up and kicked. It’s really hard to be a bear parent, you have to have a very strong face and heart. At the company, my boss had just lectured me like a grandson, and I had to nod and bow down to the teacher on the phone and keep saying, \”I\’m sorry. I\’m really sorry.\” Once, a parenting expert gave a lecture, and you could consult on the spot. She actively signed up and paid several hundred yuan for one-on-one consultation. Several experts listened to her story and concluded that every child will always be an angel, and every parent will always be a false integration. All problems in children are reflections of their parents\’ problems. Pay attention to the harm caused by the original family. To correct the children, please correct yourself first. In the end, the solution given by the experts was: \”Be attentive and patient, and you must be attentive.\” She told me with a sullen face. I covered my mouth desperately to prevent the coffee from spitting out, and said: \”And you must be attentive and effective. Keep me company. You have failed in your duty now. Your son is bored over there, and you sit here chatting with me!\” Today, all theories are for the sake of children. It has become very easy and cheap to blame parents. The number one trump card in the world that catches everyone is: \”You lack the companionship and attention to your children.\” The second trump card in the world that catches everyone is: \”You have failed to fulfill your responsibilities and obligations as parents.\” Today\’s entire society, \”Native\” is rampant. Everyone is talking about the great pain caused by the original family, the serious problems of the original parents, and the despicable and crude life of the original family. It would take a few days to talk about the diseases that everyone has in their hearts, and how much suffering and hatred they have. If the original family loves too much, the children will not be independent; if the original family loves too little, the children will not be safe; if the original family has too much money, the children will have no responsibility; if the original family has too little money, the children will have no vision; if the original family has too much control, the children will be rebellious; The original family has too little care, and the children have no structure… We are always complaining: the original family, the original harm, the original parents, the original life. Shouldn\’t we also talk about the contribution of the original family? No matter how incompetent, no matter how angry, no matter how angry, without the original family, who would have the opportunity to stand there and feel sorry for themselves? Family of origin causes harm, and that\’s because the harm occurs in childhood. We can feel it, we all understand it, but we cannot express our wishes, let alone have any ability to make any changes. The damage caused to the original family is indelible because life is a one-way journey that cannot be repeated and can only move forward. Even after we gain the ability to execute and control as adults, we still cannot turn back time and go back to the past to modify the harm we have suffered. Life is full of life, and life is all kinds of things. It is because everyone is limited to his own subjective life and cannot look at his life objectively, so we are so worried about the original harm. However, most people who are immersed in sadness forget one thing. Between the time you are hurt by your family of origin and the time you realize you have been hurt by your family of origin, there is an earth-shaking change. That is, you have changed from a weak child to a strong adult. Although You still carry the hurt of your family with you. The biggest difference between children and adults is that adults can choose for themselves and make decisions for themselvesResponsibility for choice. As an adult, when faced with the harm in your family of origin, you can choose to cut it open again and dig out the rotten flesh; to feel aggrieved and sad and hide yourself in the harm; to look for new medicines and treat it slowly; or to ignore the harm and let it go. Continue to bring it to the next generation? I admit that every choice is heart-breaking pain, but you must make your own choices in life. Others can\’t. Many people have been hurting and complaining for a lifetime, but they never understand that after adulthood, the harm to the original family does not come from their parents but from their own continuous reinforcement. Before adulthood, we endure harm, and after adulthood, we choose to endure harm. If you refuse to grow up and refuse responsibility, you can only treat yourself as that underage child, feeling sorry for yourself and repeating your own harm. It is always easier and easier to complain or hold a grudge against someone else than to correct yourself. Today, in a competitive society where parents are competing for parents, companionship and education, many knowledgeable people are desperately calling for reducing the pressure on children, but why no one is calling for reducing pressure on parents and letting go of the parents who are already struggling. When a person is growing up, whatever his parents do is wrong and will leave all kinds of harm. Perfect parents in other people\’s families don\’t exist at all, just like perfect children in other people\’s families don\’t exist at all. As parents, we are deeply affectionate. Each of us loves our children in our own original and clumsy way. We do what we can. Anxiety can only bring greater harm. Since you are a parent, you should do your best. The rest is your children\’s own life, let them do their best. No one is qualified to comment on the harm caused to the family of origin. This is everyone\’s own life, and we all work hard.