Getting along with adolescent children: The foundation of children’s growth: four words

This morning, the child said that he wanted to eat hand cakes tonight, and his father said that he would cook the cake when he came back, which meant that he would come back to get the electric baking pan. I immediately responded: Will the child take it? It\’s so oily, can it be fixed? Isn\’t it too late to come back from school and cook? He was a little angry and said that he couldn\’t open his mouth because I used rhetorical questions every day recently. After that, I went to work. I think of \”The Analects of Confucius\” where Zeng Zi said: I examine myself three times a day. Are you being disloyal to someone else? Make friends and don’t believe it? Pass, are you not used to it? I also need to reflect on my behavior like Zengzi. If the father didn\’t say anything, I didn\’t realize what I was saying. Why do I use rhetorical questions? Actually, I want him to do what I ask. If his opinion differs from mine, I respond by asking rhetorical questions that he is wrong. It suddenly dawned on him, so he felt that he couldn\’t open his mouth, and I yelled at him when he opened his mouth. I suddenly understood his grievances. He had shouldered a lot in the four months since I fractured my bone. It was very hard and not easy. Only when a person reflects can he make progress. Listen to his thoughts in the future. There is a sentence in \”Zuo Zhuan\”: No one is a sage, and no one can make mistakes; if you know your mistakes and can correct them, there is no great good. Teach us not to be internally frustrated when things go wrong, and just change things. The same principle applies to marriage. I will pay attention to the way I talk to my lover in the future. Trees need roots to grow, and the roots must have nutrients and moisture before they can grow into towering trees. The same goes for human growth. Yesterday I told my children that whether they are adults or children, we need to know the foundation of growth, where we get nutrients, and which nutrients make us confident, sunny, and full of wisdom. In fact, it is just four words: culture classic. 02 I recently read Yang Peng\’s interpretation of the classics: \”The Analects\”, \”Tao Te Ching\”, \”The Great Learning\”, and \”Historical Records\”. At the same time, we also share these contents and wisdom with our children. Yang Peng graduated from the Spanish Department of Peking University and is a research scholar at the Asia Center of Harvard University. I have read some versions of the interpretation before, and I still prefer Mr. Yang Peng’s interpretation. He said that in the spirit of \”The Analects\”, there is a very positive and progressive power, and a power that affirms the world and life. I think the main reason why people are mentally fragile and choose to commit suicide is because they lack a certain source of support in their hearts. Nowadays, children are physically and mentally fragile and cannot withstand even a little setback. First, the social environment is stressful and the era of involution; second, they lack the influence of classic culture. They have enough to eat and drink, no goals, and no ambitions. Yang Peng said: From the perspective of psychological growth, the starting point for learning Chinese studies is to first read the Analects of Confucius to lay a psychological foundation for advancement and certainty; then read the Tao Te Ching to increase intelligence. If we can grasp the spiritual foundation behind \”The Analects\” and cultivate our own foundation, our hearts will be more at ease, our spirits will be safer, and we will not be like fluttering duckweeds or kites with broken strings. 03 Western psychology masters are all studying traditional Chinese culture and learning Eastern wisdom. Jung, for example, was deeply influenced by Lao Tzu. Harvard University professor Taylor Ben-Shahar talks about positive psychology, understanding and shaping a positive psychology and life leadership from the perspective of positive psychology. When he lectured, he showed a picture of Confucius and quoted the Confucian saying of \”cultivate oneself, harmonize one\’s family, govern the country, and bring peace to the world.\” He believed that changing the world by changing oneself is a representative content of positive psychology. Confucius said: Do what you don’t want others to do, don’t do it to others. In fact, it goes through our entire parenting process. Parents should not expect their children to do what they themselves cannot do. If they check their mobile phones every day and control their children\’s mobile phones, their children will be dissatisfied. If parents cannot manage their emotions well and think their children have a bad temper, of course their children will have to fight against it. So we must first be ourselves before we can guide our children. Confucius told us to educate ourselves first when raising children. Confucius said: \”When I was fifteen, I was determined to learn; when I was thirty, I was established; when I was forty, I was not confused; when I was fifty, I knew the destiny of heaven; when I was sixty, my ears were obedient; when I was seventy, I followed my heart and followed my desires without exceeding the rules.\” Confucius was fifteen Determining to study at the age of 18 is equivalent to high school for children today, so it is normal for children to have no goals and internal drive when they are young, and there is not enough time. Standing at thirty is basically consistent with what I shared last time that the brain is not fully developed until thirty. Therefore, parents do not consume their children. The children face themselves and believe that the children will be established when they reach a certain age. When you are fifty, you know your destiny. As you grow older, you actually know that many things cannot be changed. This is what we call acceptance. China\’s excellent traditional culture has a profound historical heritage, carries the splendid history and wisdom of the Chinese nation for thousands of years, and is our spiritual wealth. We must read cultural classics to give us a foundation for growth, so that we can face the future world without panic, understand ourselves and others, and then we can have the light of wisdom.