How to teach good children? Harvard professor provides you with five methods

Raising good children is one of the greatest achievements a person can achieve in life. The educational community has also been studying how to teach children well. Harvard University has a published research result. After studying families across the United States for more than ten years, they have proposed five methods that are worth sharing with Chinese parents. When you spend time doing practical things with your children, no one is watching, just answering questions is considered effective parent-child time. Effective communication is crucial to building a good parent-child relationship. Another of the longest-running human studies in the United States by Harvard University found that when people are in their seventies or eighties, when they look back on their lives, the most important thing they feel is \”relationships\” (refer to the related TED TALK). Treat children the same way, please respect their personality, just like communicating with your friends and work partners, don’t check your mobile phone, listen attentively, show real interest in their lives, discuss important things together, and affirm your children’s Effort and achievement. Checklist: Spend time together. Plan regular emotional bonding time with your children. Some people do this by reading before bed or other daily activities. Meaningful conversations. Whenever you have time to communicate with your child, try to take turns asking questions fairly, discussing each other\’s problems, expressing your thoughts, feelings and experiences, and respecting your child\’s ideas. \”What did you do best today? What difficulties did you encounter?\” \”What did you do today and how did you feel?\” \”What good thing did someone do for you today? Or what good thing was shared with you?\” \”What did you learn today? Where did you go (either on campus or off campus)? \”The power of role models. Zhu Zhechi and Meng Mu Sanqian are commonly used idioms when Chinese people educate their children. We are deeply aware of the power of role models, but we often fail to prepare ourselves and become \”role models\” for our children. \” Many parents and grandparents are still unable to change the childish mentality described in \”The Kingdom of Giant Babies\”. So every time you teach your children, you should reflect on yourself first. Think about whether you have faced your mistakes honestly, fairly, and correctly. , such as peacefully resolving conflicts and managing anger, and other difficulties in life. However, no one is perfect, and the more you impose your own perfect imagination on your children, the more likely they will rebound. When children challenge our authority , adults can reflect on whether our children respect us when they do something rebellious we don’t want to see, and if we think they don’t, think about why and how we can repair the relationship. Checklist: Honest and Humble Admission .When you make a mistake, tell your child why you think you made a mistake, apologize for the mistake, and plan how to avoid making the mistake next time. Talk it over with someone else. When you\’re not sure whether you made a mistake, reflect and consult with someone you trust. This way of solving confusion is also a good example for people. Take care of your own life. Spending time to manage your own life is the best reference for your children. Communicate often with friends, participate in activities to maintain physical and mental health, and spend time Relieve your stress, pay attention to and take care of others. If you want your children to accompany you until you grow old, please spend more time with your parents first! Improve the ability to care for others. There are many parents in this generationAs an only child, the message they have received since childhood is that \”I am the most important person in the family, and my grandfather, grandmother, father, and mother all pamper me.\” Many of the moral expectations we set for our children are difficult to convince them, such as respect, fair family status, insisting on doing the right thing and not following the crowd, etc., because based on our own experience, we are not sure whether we can achieve it. No matter how proficient you are in memorizing the Three-Character Sutra, your grandparents will just say \”My eldest grandson~\” and they won\’t care about anything else. Start from the facts and improve the moral standards of caring for others in the family as a whole. Children who grow up in this kind of environment often do not know how to express gratitude sincerely. Flattery can be learned when you grow up, but gratitude that truly comes from inner concern must be cultivated from an early age. Research shows that people who express gratitude, generosity, compassion and forgiveness are more likely to be happy and healthy. Checklist: Express your position clearly. For example, to say to your child, \”The most important thing is that you are happy!\” You should say, \”The most important thing is to make the right choice and be happy.\” When you talk to other important people in your child\’s life, Show that you care about more than just the outcome. For example, when asking the teacher about a child\’s performance, you should first ask whether the child has done what he should do and whether he cares about others and unites the group, rather than just talking about exams and further education. Encourage children to \”work.\” Involve your child in a sports team, band, or charity organization. Build positive friendships, express appreciation for others, consider their obligations to the group or friends, encourage them to take the initiative to solve problems on their own, and put themselves in others\’ shoes. Family meetings allow children to practice ways to help solve family problems, such as disagreements between family members, fairness between siblings, and the joys and sorrows of cooking. Expression of thanks. Practice actively expressing your feelings with words and actions, such as writing thank you cards to people who entertained you; family members regularly talk about the best things they have done, etc. Although it is very disgusting to hear foreigners say \”I love you every day\”, who doesn\’t want their children to say it to them sincerely every day? Broaden horizons We have various circles of friends. A person with high emotional intelligence can say the right words and do the right things in various circles of friends, because we have a lot of experience in dealing with different people. Our challenge is to help children gain empathy and learn to care about those outside their own small circle. For example, if a new student has no self-confidence, what should we do to help him? How can I help him without hurting his self-esteem? Is his weird behavior a cultural difference or something else? Children again need to consider the impact of their decisions. For example, breaking school rules may be beneficial in the short term, but it may also be detrimental to some people in the long run. This kind of critical thinking ability is particularly important in this globalized world. Checklist: Help people in need. Encourage children to consider the perspectives and feelings of the weak, such as the new kid at school who is in trouble, and give the child some simple ways, such as comforting classmates, inviting classmates to his or her birthday party, etc. With practical experience of dealing with different people and things, children will grow faster. Think differently. Some people and things, when we guide children to look at them from different anglesIf you think about it, you won’t feel that you can’t understand it. For example, this person comes from a different country and has a different culture than ours. You can help children think by listening and discussing, and you can help children become ethical thinkers and leaders by solving their own ethical dilemmas, such as, “I invited a new classmate to my birthday party, but my best friend doesn’t like her. What to do?\” Emotional self-control We often say \”self-discipline gives me freedom\”, that\’s right! Although we understand the principles of \”caring for others\” and \”putting ourselves in their shoes,\” our \”perfect self\” is often defeated by negative emotions such as anger, shame, and jealousy. Now we teach a five-year-old child that it doesn’t matter if he loses the game, and give him the experience of getting up again after failure and working hard to succeed, which is better than waiting until he is fifty years old to persuade him not to think too hard. Checklist: Identify feelings. Many children are actually not good at expressing their feelings, such as frustration, sadness, and anger. Encourage them to talk about why they feel uncomfortable and show them ways to express those feelings. Three Steps to Self-Control. One way to help your child manage their emotions is to practice three simple steps together: Stop; take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth; and count to five. Try practicing when your child is calm. Then, when he gets angry, remind him of these three steps and do them together. Resolve conflicts. Practice conflict resolution with your children. Imagine a conflict and role-play with your children to handle it in different ways and get different results. Try to be understanding during this process, and if your child sees you in a difficult situation, talk to your child about how you are feeling and how to resolve it together. Brighten the bottom line. As a parent, you must have your own bottom line when it comes to matters of principle, and you must not hesitate and let your children explode emotionally at will. When a child touches the bottom line, make your attitude clear, hold the bottom line with authority, and let the child understand that your decision is based on care and reason. Start from small things. Education is a major issue for schools, families and society. Counting on educational reform and famous teachers from famous schools, it is better to play the simplest role of parents yourself.