It\’s obvious that you don\’t understand children, but you blame them for being naughty

Yesterday, I dug out the Rooney\’s growth diary that I had previously recorded, and saw a little thing that happened when he was 4 years old: One night, after dinner, my mother wanted to go out for a square dance, so I came to wash the dishes. Rooney immediately put down the toys in his hands and helped sweep and mop the floor. I praised him: \”Baby, why are you so good today?\” He didn\’t say anything and continued to work. After he finished mopping the floor, I told him: \”Baby, it\’s time to brush your teeth and take a bath.\” After a while, I heard a splash of water in the bathroom. I thought, this guy was complimenting you just now, and now he’s playing with water again! I walked over and was about to scold him, but I was shocked when I saw that scene! I saw him standing on a small stool, holding a brush, and scrubbing the sink vigorously while rinsing the water. He didn\’t even notice that I had arrived next to him. After a while, he raised his head and saw me and said, \”Mom, what are you doing there?\” I hesitated and said, \”No…it\’s okay.\” Looking at the countertop that he had polished, I was so ashamed. \”I\’m sorry, baby, mom misunderstood you!\” \”Mom, what did you misunderstand about me?\” \”I thought you were playing with water again!\” \”Mom, you wrongly blamed me again!\” \”Yes, mom apologizes to you , I should believe you.”… I still remember the shame, guilt and heartache I felt at that time. Since then, whenever I encounter Rooney being \”naughty\”, I try to calm myself down and understand the truth of the matter. I found that many times, it’s not that children are too naughty, but that we are too anxious, unwilling to take the time to listen to our children, and often misunderstand their behavior. I believe that human beings are inherently good by nature. Every child is a little angel sent by God. They all love their parents and the world in their own way. However, they are still too young and sometimes do not know how to express themselves in words, so they will take action directly. Do you still remember the popular show \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”? There was a scene that made me feel very uncomfortable. It was a lunch voting: the children wanted to give dogtail grass to the father who cooked the best food. The other children had finished voting, but Tiantian sneaked out. Zhang Liang was angry when he found out that Tiantian was running around undisciplined. They blamed him, but Tiantian said aggrievedly: \”I just want to pull out a dog\’s tail grass and give it to you…\” At this time, everyone realized: It turns out that Tiantian just doesn\’t want his father to lose to others! There is also a story circulating on the Internet: One morning when sending a child to school, he was almost late, but the child spilled milk all over the table. The mother immediately became angry and yelled at the child. The child was frightened and started crying. After a while, the child pulled the corner of his mother\’s clothes and choked: \”I want to pour it into that cup and share some with you.\” When their children show certain bad behaviors, most parents will only feel a headache. Without really understanding the reasons behind children\’s behavior, they even label them \”naughty\”. In 2001, when Stephen Chow and his mother were guests on Phoenix TV, they talked about a past incident: When Stephen Chow was a child, his parents divorced, and he and his two sisters lived with his mother. Due to their poor family background, they rarely had access to meat. Once, my mother finally got some money from her parents\’ family and bought some chicken legs, which were cooked golden and fragrant. The food has just been servedOn the table, Stephen Chow climbed onto the table like a little monkey, grabbed a chicken leg and gnawed on it. Unexpectedly, his hand slipped and the chicken leg fell to the ground, landing next to a pool of chicken excrement. The mother was angry and distressed. Is it easy to buy these chicken legs? She took a mulberry tree stick, whipped Stephen Chow more than a dozen times, and finally cried while hugging her three children. During the show, Stephen Chow said this, and his mother continued: \”Yes, he was so naughty at that time! He had no idea how hard it was to get this meal, and he didn\’t cherish it at all.\” At this time, Stephen Chow\’s voice began to choke: \”No. , Mom, I know how to cherish it, but think about it, if I hadn’t deliberately dropped the chicken legs on the ground, would you be willing to eat them?…\” Listening to this, my mother became excited: \”Actually, I should have thought of it earlier. . You are so well-behaved and sensible, why are you so naughty while eating?\” Mother choked and took out a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. Mother and son hugged each other. Countless viewers also shed tears at this moment. Maybe some parents will say, how can my child be so sensible? He is just too naughty and won’t listen no matter what I say. In this regard, I just want to say that if the child is naughty, either you do not understand the child, or you use the wrong method. There is a term in psychology called \”self-fulfilling prophecy\”, which means that people will unconsciously act according to known prophecies, and eventually make the prophecies come true. If you think your child is naughty, he will become more and more naughty; if you think your child is good, he will really get better and better. So what should parents do when faced with various bad behaviors of their children? Let me tell you three stories. Story 1: The picture book master John Burningham has a work: \”Edward – The Scariest Child in the World\”. Edward is an ordinary boy. He gets up, dresses, eats, goes to school, plays, and sleeps like all children. But sometimes, like all children, he does some naughty things. When he kicks things randomly, his grandfather says he is the rudest boy in the world; when he picks up pots and spoons and bangs them, grandma says he is the noisiest boy in the world; when he occasionally bullies children, his mother says He was the meanest boy in the world; when he forgot to brush his teeth and wash his face, his father said he was the sloppiest boy in the world… As a result, Edward really became more and more rude, clumsy, savage, noisy, sloppy, and dirty. Dirty, bad, arrogant… Edward became the most terrifying boy in the world. But later, when Edward was kicking the flower pot, an adult told him: \”Edward, I saw the flowers you planted are very cute. You should plant more plants!\” So, Edward started to plant flowers, and he planted them. It was really good, and later everyone invited him to help in the garden at home. Another time, Edward poured water on the puppy, but the adult thanked him: \”Edward, thank you for helping me clean this puppy that was covered in mud. You are so kind to animals.\” Very caring.\” So, Edward really became very caring, and everyone asked Edward to take care of their pets and bathe them. Under the encouragement and praise of these adults, a series of changes occurred in Edward. He tidied up his room, became clean, and \”carefully took care of every child.\”. What became of Edward later? \”At times, Edward is a little bit untidy, wild, messy, sloppy, noisy, mean, rude and clumsy. But Edward is really the cutest boy in the world.\” Inspiration: Accept your child for who he is. Do not put any label on the child, and be good at discovering the advantages in the child. Story 2: In the book \”Little Doudou by the Window\” by Kuroyanagi Tetsuko, there is a scene that impressed me deeply: one day, when Little Doudou was going to the toilet, he accidentally dropped his most cherished wallet into the pit. She immediately ran to the school tool room, carried a long ladle for watering vegetables, and started digging a toilet. The things she dug out of the toilet were piled as high as a hill. At this time, Mr. Principal came. If most people saw dirt as high as a mountain, they would probably scold their children indiscriminately. But after the principal learned about the situation, he just said \”Really?\” and left. After a while, he came over again and asked: \”Did you find it?\” Then he approached Xiaodoudou\’s face like a friend and said: \”When you are done, you have to put all these back.\” After that, he again left. Later, Xiaodoudou still couldn\’t find her wallet, but she was very satisfied because she had done so much work. Moreover, this incident made her feel that Mr. Principal is a \”person who can truly trust\” because \”Mr. Principal is not angry at what he does, he trusts himself and treats himself as a person with great personality.\” respect\”. She liked Mr. Principal more than before. Enlightenment: When dealing with children\’s seemingly \”naughty\” behavior, you must understand the situation, respect the child\’s personality, and do not interfere with the child\’s exploratory behavior. Story 3: When Mr. Tao Xingzhi was the principal, one day he saw a boy hitting his classmate with a brick, so he stopped him and asked him to go to the principal\’s office. When Principal Tao returned to the office, the boy was already waiting there. Tao Xingzhi took out a candy and gave it to this classmate: \”This is to reward you, because you came to the office before me.\” Then he took out another candy and said: \”This is for you too. I won\’t let it go.\” If you hit your classmate, you stopped immediately, which shows that you respect me.\” The boy took the second candy doubtfully, and Mr. Tao added: \”As far as I understand, you hit your classmate because he bullied girls, which shows that you have a strong sense of justice. , I will reward you with another candy.\” At this time, the boy was so moved that he cried and said, \”Principal, I was wrong. No matter how wrong my classmates are, I can\’t take this approach.\” Mr. Tao then took out another candy. : \”You have admitted your mistake, I will reward you with another piece. My candy is finished, and our conversation is over.\” Enlightenment: To educate \”naughty\” children, rewards are far more effective than punishments. A.S. Neal, the founder of Summerhill School and an educator, said: \”I firmly believe that children\’s nature is pure and good, not dirty and evil.\” Although our children sometimes behave like Edward, they often behave in different ways. We are naughty and mischievous, but as long as we firmly believe that the child\’s nature is pure and kind, we are willing to listen patiently to the child, understand the reasons behind the child\’s behavior, respect the child\’s nature, discover the child\’s strengths, and actively encourage the child. In this way, the child will move towardsWe want to develop in the direction we want.