Let your son change from \”I don\’t learn\” to \”take the initiative to learn\”: The best education is to enhance the child\’s \”self-efficacy\”

01After becoming a mother, I feel that my joys, sorrows, and joys are all dominated by my children. Especially when a child goes to school, his learning attitude and grades can affect my mood every day. My son is 13 years old and is in the first grade of junior high school. I know that he is just an ordinary child, and I don\’t ask him to make more progress and become a top student. But you should take the initiative to complete your homework every day, study hard, and show an attitude, right? But the duties of such a student feel increasingly difficult for my son. When he was in elementary school, he didn\’t have much love for studying, but under my arrangement and supervision, he could complete his homework seriously every day. Every time I take the exam, I can get an above-average ranking. It stands to reason that the older a child is, the more sensible and self-disciplined he should be. But as he grows older, his son becomes more resistant to learning. When you enter junior high school, you will definitely have more homework in each subject than in primary school, and the learning tasks will be heavier. My son always feels that studying is very tiring and annoying, and he wants to deal with it. When doing homework every day, I procrastinate. I can do a little homework for 2 hours, and memorize a text for 1 hour. That passive and study-weary energy always ignited my anger, and I had to scold him severely to relieve my anger. After calming down, I calmed down and communicated with my son: \”Don\’t you want to work hard, get a rank in the exam, be praised by the teacher, and become a class leader? How nice would it be?\” My son shook his head firmly: \”I don\’t want to.\” , Why do I work so hard? I\’m fine just like this. I don\’t want to be so tired. I\’m not a top student, and everyone has low expectations of me.\” I was so angry that I couldn\’t understand why he was so ambitious at such a young age. No. Especially when the mid-term exam is approaching, my son sometimes complains of headaches, sometimes stomachaches, and all sorts of discomforts, making him want to ask for leave. At first, I was quite nervous and planned to ask him for leave for a checkup. But my son said awkwardly that no, he could just rest at home. Can you ask for leave for him and stop taking the exam? I instantly understood that he just wanted to pretend to be sick to avoid the pressure of exams! In this way, I won\’t scold him for his poor grades. That day, I scolded my son severely and ordered him to take the exam. In the end, my son didn\’t dare not go, but when the test scores came out, it turned out to be terrible. There are 54 students in the class, and he ranks 40th! What\’s even more annoying is that I found that my son is becoming less and less willing to go to school. Every morning, I yelled countless times before I slowly got up. I also ate my breakfast slowly and slowly. I was late for several days in a row! The teacher directly sent a message asking us parents to discipline him, which made me angry and scolded him! What’s even more troublesome is that I don’t rush to do my homework during the weekend vacation. I don’t start it until Sunday night. I can’t finish it and I get emotional. I either cry and ask why I have to go to school, or I lose my temper and say I don’t want to go tomorrow. Seeing my son in such a desperate state, tired of studying and so passive, I was really exhausted both mentally and physically. They provide good food and drink, and they are not forced to be academic leaders. They just hope that their children can study well and step by step. But he couldn\’t even achieve such a low requirement. What\’s wrong with today\’s children? 02 In order to eliminate my son’s growing aversion to school and prevent him from not going to school, I learned the parenting skillsEducation, understanding children’s psychology of being tired of learning and finding solutions. After a period of study, I gradually realized what my son’s problem was—his “self-efficacy” was too low! A child whose \”self-efficacy\” is too low knows what he wants to do, but is unable to take action or work hard to concentrate on his studies. The usual manifestation is: I know I need to study well, go to higher education, and work hard, but I just can’t do it and I don’t want to move! I know I have to put down my phone and take the time to do my homework, but I just can’t put my phone down and start writing right away. I know that exercise can help me stay healthy and lose weight, but I just don’t want to move. I know that staying up late is harmful to my health, but I just can\’t go to bed early… My son\’s dislike of studying, lack of goals, and poor performance when lying down are all caused by his low \”self-efficacy.\” Self-efficacy is an important concept derived from positive psychology. It explains that if a person wants to do something, he must not only have the desire to do it, but also have the \”I can do it, I can do it.\” The belief that it will definitely work. When a child has a high sense of self-efficacy and has the belief \”I can do it\” to accomplish something, he can awaken his inner life motivation and be willing to persevere, because he believes that as long as he perseveres and works hard, he can achieve it. Get results. He has this ability expectation for himself. On the other hand, a child with low self-efficacy is just the opposite. He thinks that he is not good enough and his efforts are useless. He gives up psychologically and lies flat, with low life energy and closedness. A foreign psychologist once conducted a famous smoking cessation experiment. A number of smokers were selected and divided into three groups. The first group was the self-efficacy group: This group of smokers was told that they would receive treatment for 3 months, and that they were chosen because of their ability to control, their perseverance, and their potential to overcome cravings. I believe they will be able to quit smoking during the treatment process. The second group was the treatment group: This group of smokers received the same treatment regimen as the self-efficacy group, but they were told that they had been randomly selected and assigned randomly. The third group was the control group: no treatment plan was administered and no self-efficacy instructions were given. The experimental results showed that 67% of the people in the self-efficacy group successfully quit smoking, 28% of the treatment group successfully quit smoking, and only 6% of the control group quit smoking. This result proves that self-efficacy, that is, the self-suggestion of \”I can, I can do it\”, can effectively motivate people to get things done. Such is the son\’s state of being tired of studying. In my opinion, he lacks goals and energy, and the mud cannot hold up the wall. But in fact, the reason why he resisted homework and was not interested in learning was because his self-efficacy was not high. As for the results, he felt in his heart that he could not achieve excellence. At his current level, he felt that even if he tried hard, he would not be able to meet expectations, so he simply failed and enjoyed the comfort in front of him. Therefore, if you want to change his learning status, you must solve the problem at the root, improve his \”self-efficacy\”, and let him have the belief that \”I can do it, I can do better\”! In this regard, I have adopted the following three methods to help children improve their self-efficacy. The methods are simple but very effective. 031. Motivation comes from success, guide children to borrow the mentality of \”pretend to succeed\”It implies that there are two paths and expectations for improving children\’s confidence in success regarding self-efficacy. One is outcome expectation, which means believing that you can do it, which is equivalent to a self-fulfilling prophecy; the other is efficacy expectation, which means believing that you can do it, not because of external factors such as luck, but because I have such ability. So I want to improve my abilities and prepare myself for the results I want. If a child can think this way, it means that his self-efficacy is constantly improving. I told my son that it is actually not that difficult to achieve his goals. Now there is a very effective method in psychology. For example, before taking an exam, you should think more vividly about your mood and the eyes of people around you after you get satisfactory results in the exam. Then tell yourself in your mind: If I believe that I can do it, I will be willing to prepare before the exam. Then I should review seriously now, because doing well in the exam is not due to luck, but to my ability and hard work. In order to verify my ability, I will start preparing for the exam today. My son gave it a try, and sure enough he got some enthusiasm. He studied carefully for a few days before the exam, and sure enough, he got a score that exceeded his expectations in the exam. He was very happy. With the successful experience, he began to \”brainwash\” himself, train himself, believe in his own abilities, and work hard and practice for it. 2. Guide children to learn from the \”indirect experience\” of others and observe the successful experiences of other outstanding people, instead of groping for trial and error on their own, to improve children\’s learning efficiency. If children are immersed in reciting and answering questions every day, it is impossible not to be exhausted. Especially in middle and high school, the amount of learning is even greater. Even if you master the learning methods, the daily hardship is real. We cannot blindly ask children to persist and be self-disciplined. That is not in line with human nature and has no practical effect. At any time, the successful experiences of others can guide us to an efficient path to success! With practical methods and paths, and seeing the possibility of success, we are willing to endure the hardships of the present, because the future is full of hope. Therefore, parents cannot just ask their children to work hard and persist, but they must also help their children find effective successful experiences, guide them to learn from these successful experiences, and greatly improve their children\’s learning efficiency! In the past, I simply asked my children to concentrate more and work harder. The children themselves were confused and didn’t know how to concentrate or work hard, so they felt very tired from studying. Now, I consciously went to the teachers of several subjects in my son’s class and asked what I need to do to learn well in each subject. Teachers are actually very willing to share their teaching experience. The Chinese teacher suggested that my son read more, write more, and memorize more; the English teacher suggested improving his vocabulary; in mathematics, he should base himself on the textbooks, prepare well, listen to lectures, review, practice, and learn thoroughly. concepts, formulas, and examples. At the same time, I also found a well-known primary school student in the community and invited him to share his learning methods. After doing these two things, the biggest change for my son is that he is no longer so afraid of learning difficulties and has a clearer learning direction for each subject. With a clear direction and specific things that need to be done, my son feels that he has a clear understanding of his own learning and can start with it.place! There is no need for me to make excuses or nag or force me. My son does these truly effective things every day and feels calmer. My son also said: I always felt that studying was a mess. There were endless things to do every day, and I couldn’t see the end. I felt so tired just thinking about it, and I didn’t want to move! Now that I have sorted out each subject, I feel that I only need to do what needs to be done step by step, and it feels like the learning becomes clear all of a sudden! Children\’s confidence in learning requires constant positive feedback and the accumulation of successful experiences. When he has a clear and effective learning method, has the belief that he can do well, and no longer regards learning as a huge difficulty, he will generate motivation from the heart and create a positive state. 3. Use more positive language to recognize, encourage, and support children, and help them cope with challenges calmly. When a child who was once tired of studying changes and starts to work hard, he will definitely encounter many difficulties and challenges. Because the inertia of the past will still have an impact on him. After tasting the benefits of improved grades, I can see that my son really wants to study hard. However, there are many problems left over from the past of being passive and tired of learning, such as poor study habits, poor grasp of textbook content, etc. The son quickly developed a fear of difficulties and had a repetitive mentality. He doubted whether he was simply incompetent and was not learning the material. At this time, we parents need to provide encouragement and support, which can also play the role of \”making a difference\”. Seeing that my son was afraid of difficulties and wanted to lie down, I did not criticize him impatiently, but objectively described what I saw about his efforts. For example, he was more focused when studying, and he was more efficient in doing homework, etc., and Tell him: Son, you are now on the right path of growth, and your parents are happy for you! There will also be some challenges as you grow, but we believe you can overcome them! If you need our help, we are always here and we will face it together! Positive language is magical, especially recognition from parents, which will make children feel that their parents care about me so much and can \”see\” my changes. He will feel warmer, enhance his self-confidence, and stimulate inner motivation. From being passive and frustrated, tired of studying, to now growing in self-confidence and proactively saying \”I can do it\”, I deeply understand the power of helping children improve their self-efficacy. Thinking about it carefully, my child is not the best child, and I am not a perfect mother. When problems arise in education, I am very fortunate that I do not just blame and force the child, but work with the child to find a solution, and finally let the child Successfully got out of the quagmire of being tired of studying.