My father graduated from Peking University and said: Don’t consume your child’s energy before elementary school!

Some time ago, a mother posted a complaint video on Xiaohongshu and quickly made it to the hot list. She said she took her children to Shanghai Disneyland during the National Day, stayed in a five-star hotel for two nights, and ate an internet celebrity restaurant, which cost nearly 20,000 yuan. After she came back, she asked the child expectantly, \”Is it fun?\” But the child replied expressionlessly, \”It\’s okay.\” The next day, she was still procrastinating when she was about to do her homework, and she collapsed and cried when she encountered difficulties. She said in annoyance: \”Did I just waste the 20,000 yuan this holiday?\” There are many parents\’ comments below this video: \”It resonates so much.\” \”I also spent a lot of money, and my child is not grateful, and his temper is even worse.\” \”I can\’t figure out why the harder I work, the less energetic my child?\” Later, a mother with a psychology background commented and said a very topical sentence: \”You are not cultivating the child\’s growth ability, but feeding dopamine to the child.\” This sentence was like a wake-up call, ringing in the hearts of countless parents. 01 What is the \”dopamine withdrawal period\”? Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes people \”happy\”. Playing with mobile phones, watching cartoons, eating sweets, playing games, receiving gifts… will make children\’s brains quickly secrete dopamine, causing them to feel a strong sense of pleasure. But the problem is that when children get used to this \”high stimulation, quick feedback\” happiness, the brain will gradually \”resist the drug\” and need more and stronger stimulation to be satisfied. Once you face \”low stimulation, delayed feedback\” things like learning, exercise, and doing housework, you will feel bored, painful, conflicted, and even irritable. This is exactly why, the more you create happiness for your child, the more listless he is, rebellious, low attention and insufficient motivation. The so-called \”dopamine withdrawal\” means that parents should actively reduce the \”high stimulation input\” in their children\’s lives and let their brains return to a relatively balanced and healthy state. This is not to let children suffer, but to learn to gain the power of delayed gratification from their low-stimulation daily life. As psychologist Daniel Kahneman said: \”Real happiness does not come from the intensity of stimulation, but from concentration and self-control.\” 02 A Peking University father\’s \”parenting metaphysics\” a few days ago, a father who graduated from Peking University shared a passage in a parent group, which caused heated discussion. He said: \”Our family\’s educational principle is to \’not consume children\’s energy before elementary school\’. It is not that he is not allowed to learn, but that no one can kill his spirit by using questions, enrolling in classes, or comparing.\” He said that a true \”school master\” is not obtained by practicing questions from childhood, but children with \”high energy\”: they are curious, interesting, self-driven, have strong learning ability and strong recovery ability. This energy comes from a healthy brain, rich interests, abundant energy, and good emotional regulation ability. And this is precisely the ability to over-intake of dopamine, which is the easiest to be destroyed. The father set a \”dopamine code\” for his child: he can only watch cartoons twice a week, with a limited time of 30 minutes. Snacks are not kept at home and only eaten during festivals or special rewards. No toys are given, only assembled and hand-made items are given. Persist in outdoor exercise for more than 1 hour every day. Read 3 non-fiction children\’s books every month. Check it out by yourselfMake plans, and manage travel time. This set of rules seems \”cold\”, but in fact it is the ultimate vision. Because when children are used to delayed gratification and low-stimulation environments, their brains can truly develop \”top-level configurations\” such as concentration, execution, and stress resistance. This is the basis for a child to go far. 03 You think you are \”seeing the world\”, but in fact you are \”overdrawing energy\”. Many of us parents like to take their children to travel, take various classes, eat big meals, and stay in hotels. The original intention is good – you want your children to \”seeing the world\”. But the problem is that the real \”world\” does not mean how much money you spend or how far you go, but whether the children are involved, explore, and immersive learning. Just like the experience shared by a mother: she and her children went to a small city on National Day, stayed in a B&B that cost 30 yuan, and played in an ecological park on the edge of the city. But before they set off, they checked the information, formulated routes, printed the check-in table, observed plants, insects, terrain, and buildings… After they came back, the children drew the \”natural notes\” of that week in the painting book. This is the truly energy-rich \”world\”. As educator Sukhomlinsky said: \”If children do not grow up in nature, then they will not be able to truly understand the world.\” 04 The true \”high-energy families\” are all low-stimulation. Have you noticed that those truly excellent children\’s families are all \”quiet\”. They are not flirting, are not anxious, are not chasing the trend, and are not keen on \”hot courses\” and \”check-in plans\”. Their children play mud, read extracurricular books, do experiments, visit museums, climb rock climb trees, play badminton… These things are not that \”satisfactory\” in a single time, but in the long run, they are the most solid way of constructing the brain. This is the true meaning of the so-called \”living high-energy children with low stimulation\”. When I watch Douyin for my child, I feed him candy; when I accompany my child to do experiments, I feed him food. A child who eats can\’t stand the life after all; only a child who eats can go long. 05 Ten things to make children full of energy in \”low stimulation\”. If you want to help your children complete \”dopamine withdrawal\”, you might as well start with these 10 small things: Parents and children read a non-fiction children\’s book every week (nature, science, history, etc.) for one hour of outdoor exercise, cycling, jumping rope, playing football, and walking, you can do your own travel guides. Let your children check information, plan their routes, design budgets and create \”nature observation cards\” to go to the park, zoo and botanical garden, and the wild to check in and do fixed housework tasks. Wash dishes, wipe tables, collect toys, and cultivate a sense of responsibility. Do a long-term project, such as planting a plant, and making a \”World Map Manual Account\”. Visit an exhibition or museum art gallery, science gallery, and history gallery every week. You can reduce the number of toys. Encourage hands-on DIY, assembly, models and other creative activities. Set up a reward mechanism. For each non-entertainment task, you can get points for rewards. You can insist on not watching brainless animations and can change them to documentaries and natural science short films. This does not cost much, and does not require special resources. It can awaken children\’s real interest and growth momentum. This is the real \”family education financial freedom\”. At the end, many parents think that whether the child has a future prospect depends on resources, efforts and environment. In fact, many \”high\”Children who are low-energy are ultimately defeated by dopamine that was overfed in childhood – they do not want to persist, are unwilling to endure, collapse when they encounter difficulties, and have no real curiosity and control over the world. And those families who seem to be \”no child\”, do not check in, and do not practice questions are developing true \”growth\”: being able to control yourself, endure hardships, have self-drive, and have endurance. This is making the most difficult but top-level educational investment for children – the greatest vision of parents is to \”quit dopamine\” from today. Even if they cry today, are not adapting to you, and call you \”unfair\”, don\’t waver. Because this is not deprivation, but fulfillment. Because one day in the future you will find that the child\’s confidence that you hold back today is shining tomorrow.