Parents cause 10,000 harms to their children without even realizing it! It\’s cold to the baby\’s heart

Cold violence not only exists in marriage relationships, but also often exists in parent-child relationships. Some parents may intentionally or unintentionally inflict \”cold violence\” on their children, which can cause physical and mental harm to children as much as beatings and scoldings. Have you used \”cold violence\” to harm your children? Cold violence 1. Your silence is more terrifying than punishment. Many times, cold violence is a choice we make inadvertently. I can\’t afford to offend, I can afford to hide. One day, my neighbor Xiaoli suddenly came to my house to chat with a sad face, and I had a feeling that something was going to happen. Sure enough, Sister Xiaoli\’s son Guaiguai got into trouble at school a few days ago. He played with flying knives with his classmates, copied each other\’s homework, and formed cliques to fight against the teacher. The teacher kept calling her all morning to urge her to come to school for a talk, so she had to take half a day off to get scolded. She was so angry that she wanted to go home and beat her son up, but after the teacher scolded her, he added, \”Don\’t beat or scold your child when you go home. Be reasonable.\” After returning home, she didn\’t say a word and ran to the house by herself. She took a walk in the community to cool down, felt better, and went home to cook. But when she thought of the teacher\’s scolding during the day and her unfulfilled child, she became angry. I knew in my heart that I couldn\’t get angry, but I couldn\’t control my frustration. I didn\’t have a good word with my child for three days. On this day, she finally couldn\’t help but come to me to talk. To be honest, I didn\’t expect that this hot mom, who usually has a high emotional intelligence and speaks very cheerfully, would also start using \”cold violence\”. I gave her a little education on the harmful effects of cold violence, and she hurried home. In fact, how could Sister Xiaoli not understand the truth? She is just a fan of the authorities, and it is clear to those who are onlookers. Because they don’t want to become arrogant parents and have nowhere to put their bad emotions, they have no choice but to ignore them. This subconscious reaction is: I can’t afford to offend, but I can afford to hide. However, many parents don\’t know that they think they are being tolerant and generous to their children, so they don\’t say anything, but for their children, this kind of punishment is actually more terrifying. Because it sends a message: you are disliked. You are so disgusted that your parents don\’t even want to talk to you. People often say something when they are falling out of love: mourning is better than death. What\’s more terrifying than having your parents turn your back on you? Cold violence 2. Children can feel when couples quarrel. Nowadays, stick education is no longer applicable in most families. Even parents with strict discipline will not attack their children easily. But what follows is that most parents have not learned to deal with their emotions, and what follows is \”cold violence\” in family education. A couple who are good at \”cold violence\” My parents have always been the kind of couple who seldom quarrel and are good at \”cold violence\”. When I was a kid, I would come home from school and I could tell there was something wrong with the atmosphere as soon as I walked in the door. Although the family ate, watched TV, washed and slept as usual, they just ignored each other. Every time, at this time, I had to walk back to the room silently, pretending to be busy with my own business, but in fact, I secretly listened to what was going on outside. I wanted to ask but didn\’t dare, for fear of igniting a war. That feeling of uneasiness stayed with me for many years. Of course, parents\’ attitudes toward each other often appear in their interactions with their children. Therefore, every time I did poorly on a test or got into trouble, my mother’s attitude towards me would be one word: blackface. She won\’t be mad at me;Don\’t talk to me. No matter how hard I swore I would try, she never responded. This situation will last for one to two days and will gradually improve. This pattern also profoundly affects my relationships. Because every time, whenever someone does something I don’t like, I usually don’t say a word, I just block him silently in my heart. Until a friend came to remind me that if you do this, you will really have no friends. If someone doesn\’t care about you, it\’s useless if you\’re cold. People who care about you will be so cold that you hurt them. It really goes with that saying, you can only hurt someone who loves you. Don\’t underestimate children, they are more sensitive than adults. Thinking about when we made mistakes when we were children, we often feel extremely guilty before our parents even respond. How terrifying it would be if you add in the simple and crude \”abandonment\” from your parents. The loss of security has a fatal impact on a child\’s life. Cold violence 3. There is a kind of violence called – ignore the cold violence that occurs because children get into trouble. After all, it is a special situation. Most of the time, parents and children can still get along happily. There is also a more terrifying kind of cold violence, which is a normal part of life. There is a kind of violence called – Ignore China Educational Television\’s children\’s eloquence development program \”Little Speaker\”, in which a little boy from Beijing talks about his biggest trouble in life: his parents are mobile phone addicts. He said that his mother no longer makes good meals for him in the morning, and his father no longer cares about his writing at night. He goes to visit his grandparents\’ house, and his parents also hold their mobile phones to play games and listen to WeChat voices. He feels that the mobile phone is the thing he hates most, as if it has taken away his parents. What is it like to have a parent who is a mobile phone addict? I believe many people know it. But coming from a child\’s mouth, it still sounds very sad. In life, I have also seen a kind of parent who often boasts that he has a harmonious relationship with his children, and always shows off that he cares about his children and spends most of the day with them. However, if you take a closer look at where she spends her time every day, you will be surprised to find that her mobile phone is definitely the most important thing to her. A \”Poker Face\” Experiment American psychologist Edward Tronick once conducted a \”Poker Face\” experiment. The experimental subject is a 1-year-old baby and his mother. At first, the mother will always pay attention to the child and smile at him. When the baby behaves, the mother will respond positively. Next, the mother begins to stop responding to the child, and the child begins to try to win the mother\’s attention. When the mother still put on a \”poker face\”, the child collapsed. The instrument even showed that all the child\’s physical indices were abnormal, indicating that he was facing tremendous psychological pressure, and this process took less than two minutes. Think about it, every day, how much of the time you spend with your child are you really paying attention to him? It must be very few. The child\’s hope, parents and him are really together. Today\’s parents are willing to spend a lot of money to attend parent-child classes and take their children to participate in various activities. But all I see are children playing with their children, and parents playing with their grown-ups. A friend often jokingly said that spending hundreds of dollars, taking the toys at home, and taking the children to play in a different place is called a parent-child experience. It’s really ridiculous to think about it! Although I am with my children,But you only have your mobile phone in your eyes and the complicated and trivial work in your heart. Such companionship is equivalent to neglect. And neglect is tantamount to a kind of violent harm to children. There are no perfect parents in the world, and those who live together will inevitably hurt each other. But the worst harm is undoubtedly turning a blind eye. Isn\’t there a saying on the Internet that the farthest distance in the world is when I stand opposite you and you can\’t see me. In the parent-child relationship, the damage of this kind of neglect is multiplied. And when a person feels neglected by his parents, he will either constantly seek attention from others, or simply have a low sense of value and feel abandoned by the entire world. Whether it is using \”cold violence\” to punish children or inadvertently neglecting them, it is a sign of immaturity on the part of parents. A mature parent does not need to do everything well, but at least he must act like an adult, learn to handle his emotions, and be self-disciplined in a timely manner.