Parents, please stay with me until I am seven years old, because the rest of my life is basically doomed

A few days ago, a mother said in a group that her son had been expelled from school. When asked why, she vaguely mentioned a few points: because she goes out to work all year round. I have almost never spent time with children. When the child was very young, his grandmother took care of him, and later he was fostered at his aunt\’s house. The couple divorced again in the past few years, and the husband almost never took care of his son. Seeing such a family situation, we can only imagine how sad this mother is. But we must also appreciate the difficulty of the child\’s situation. This mom also keeps complaining about why puberty is so scary. Because my son used to be very well-behaved. In the eyes of many parents, adolescence seems to be a beast. He ate his once \”good baby\”. However, every parent has experienced adolescence themselves. What was your situation like back then? If you think about it carefully, your child will have a reflection of yourself. And you may be like your parents back then. Some problems arise from temporary emotional impulses. But many times, the seeds are already planted in early childhood. Many mothers have also told me their concerns. Even if you have reached puberty, can you still manage your children well? The answer is yes: as long as you truly grasp your child\’s growth and you continue to learn and make progress. Can manage well. Individual psychology has given us a ray of light: adolescence is just a growth stage that everyone must go through. We do not believe that a certain stage or situation in growth will change a person. It\’s just that a person\’s character formed in the past is exposed in a new environment at a certain period. So, when a child has problems during adolescence or adulthood. It\’s not so much puberty syndrome or the child\’s failure to live up to expectations. It would be better to say that the problems that had been buried before broke out at this time. Many of us will find that we haven’t changed much. Many times I feel like my childhood self is right next to me. In fact, the same is true for our children. They have always been themselves. During their long yet so short childhood, behavioral habits take shape rapidly. The psychological changes were even more dramatic. They move from infancy to early childhood and then into adolescence. Entering school and society, challenges are everywhere. There are thorns everywhere on this road of growth. Effective parental companionship is the key to influencing a child\’s life. But too many of our parents don’t think so. They think the children are young, ignorant and meaningless. I remember that at a party, a friend who was not yet a father heard that I was raising my own child. He said it was hard to understand what I was doing. Because the child is so young, even if you treat him well, he will not know. And I can’t remember it either. His argument was: \”Can you remember what happened before you were 4 years old or even 7 years old?\” Everyone was stunned because they really couldn\’t remember much. However, not being able to remember doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. It is often the seemingly chaotic stage that lays the foundation of heaven and earth. It is those blank years in memory that lay the foundation for a child\’s life. There is a very cool documentary in the UK. It took a total of 50 years to film. In 1964, Michael Apted, the great British director who filmed 007, began to record 14 7-year-old British children. Every seven years, he would find these children and photograph them.Their latest situation, so there are \”14Up\”, \”21Up\”, \”28Up\”, \”32Up\”, \”42Up\”, \”49Up\”, until 2013, the children became the elderly in \”56Up\”. It tells the life experiences of 14 children from the age of 7 to 56, silently asking for answers that determine life. We look at the protagonists in the film, see them start from childhood, slowly grow older, see them struggle hard, and see them struggle in vain. From them, we more or less see our own shadow. In this documentary, we get a glimpse into the lives of ordinary British people. The lives of those people all confirmed the director\’s initial speculation: the influence of childhood family is indelible on a child\’s life. Each episode of the video begins with a sentence: \”Let me take care of a child until he is seven years old. From now on, it will be up to you to take care of him and let him grow up. It is already determined what kind of person he will become.\” Our ancient Chinese saying goes: \”Three The same principle applies to the age of seven, and the age of seven determines a lifetime.” Too many people have fantasized about \”if I could go back in time, I would…\” If, if, no matter how many ifs, they are just empty talk! There are also many parents who have been complaining that their children have too many problems and they feel at a loss. Don\’t wait until your child\’s personality and habits have been formed before you educate your child. By then, he will no longer be your good baby. And when we really reach adolescence, the \”expiry date\” of parents is approaching. The education received in childhood determines the true starting point. In this documentary, there is a child named Paul. He lives in a neglected boarding school. My dream at that time was to get beaten less and not be punished by the teacher. A young age is full of sadness and helplessness. Although he found many jobs as an adult, he was frequently unemployed. In his later years, he could only get a small job as a repairman in the nursing home where his wife helped. Is it because he didn\’t receive a good education when he was young that he has low self-esteem, or does he have low perseverance due to his natural cowardice? unknown. Most 7-year-old children are innocent and romantic, but Andrew and John, children from upper-class private schools, are already reading the \”Financial News\” or \”The Observer\” every day. They know exactly which high school they will go to, then go to Oxford University, and then become Famous lawyers, famous figures and the like. Middle-class boys also have some dreams. Oppose racial discrimination, where to go to school, what kind of career to have. And lower-class kids who go to boarding schools in ghettos. It\’s not even a dream. Some people hope to make money as a horse trainer, and some hope to have the opportunity to meet their father. It has become their wish to have a full meal, to stand without being punished and to be beaten less. When they were 56 years old, those children who went to private schools at the age of 7 had already followed the established route and graduated from Oxford University and then became famous lawyers. They lived a privileged life in the upper class, respected by others and had a happy family. Their children, without exception, followed the same path as their fathers. They went to high school, went to university, and had a good job. Three middle-class boys also went to university. The first, Bruce, graduated from the Department of Mathematics at Oxford University and became aA middle school teacher, he helped students in poor areas according to his ideals. Later, he returned to the UK to teach in an ordinary public school and lived an ordinary and quiet life. As for those children from the lower social class, when they grow old, they become the grandparents of a lot of children, and few of their children can go to college and are doing ordinary service jobs. For example, repairmen and security guards often face unemployment. Without a good social system, they would actually be in a worrying situation. The original intention of the director was to criticize the solidified classes in British society: the children of the rich are still rich, and the children of the poor are still poor. However, this process can\’t help but make people think deeply. Where did this gap begin to widen? As a parent, I can\’t help but feel anxious. Because in addition to the objective reasons for the consolidation of social sectors, the subjective role of family and parents cannot be ignored. And the latter is in his own hands. The best gift parents can give their children is their time and their own efforts. In the real world, fairy tales rarely appear. It is impossible to be like Cinderella in the fairy tale and suddenly become a princess. One of the protagonists in the film said something to encourage everyone when he was 56 years old: \”The best gift parents can give their children is their time. It is very important to accompany them as they grow up.\” You see, whether you are poor or rich, this is yours What you can give to your children. Director Michael said that observing the growth trajectories of these 14 children was both \”interesting\” and \”chilling\”. Some people have a certain understanding and vision of life and society very early on; some people are busy worrying about their livelihood every day for their entire lives. Among the 14 children, two or three can be considered to be in the real middle class or quasi-elite class through their own hard work. Bruce attended public school and got into Oxford. Nick, who grew up on a farm in northern Yorkshire, became a nuclear physicist. This should be exciting for every parent. Because of hard work, there is still a chance to break through. One reality is very important: we cannot deny that different family environments and different family conditions have a huge impact on the growth of children. As parents, of course we have to work hard to live a better life and to give our children better growth conditions so that they can have more opportunities. As many people’s parents say, you can’t be a rich second generation, so work hard to be a rich generation. The more parents work hard, the more children will have the opportunity to enjoy it. Everyone has their own experience and we work together.